I Sleep In A Basement

And for some irrational reason I'm deeply concerned about Radon poisoning. The way I combat this is to have a fan on at all times...even though in reality this wouldn't do shit if there was actually a high level of radon seeping in.

Ho Ho Ho

This encapsulates the holidays.

What's that song?

I just heard it again and it was in a car insurance commercial for Farmers Insurance. That song? I had to google the lyrics to figure it out.



It's called 'Another Night' by The Real McCoy. Who you ask? The REAL McCoy...a German House band of course. Is there any type of music that came out of Germany in the early 90's that wasn't house music? I think not. And just like any type of fine German engineering this song will last 1000 years. It has the ability to both be indelibly aged and part of a very specific time frame but also sounding amazingly not so aged. Alright I'm lying. Th

I'd like to think it was a toss up between this song and the Haddaway song 'What is Love' for use in the Roxbury/Dudes dancing in Club sketches. Furthermore I can't help but suspect lots of people have had sex to both of these songs. Which is the true sign of how good a song is.

Ugly in New York

First off. There's this:



Great and good. Time for the lightning round.

Kim Jong Il - He died. Given the amount of books I've read about North Korea, the time spent reading/thumbing through think tank speculation papers on the future of Asia, and my interest in that region in general I'd argue I'm probably in the top 10 percent in the United States as far as actually sort of vaguely understanding how North Korea operates and what the future may hold. Yeah I think he was a weird, eccentric, and ultimately awful human being. I also can laugh at all the random (but lets be clear here annoying since there are way too many of them) tumblr/photo sites where Kim Jong Il looks at shit. And god I hope things work out. An immediate collapse of the North Korean government would be awful for a number of reasons but so would some drawn out situation that they are involved in now. The volume of suffering is immense and well pardon me while I not laugh that much at the 48th "Me so ronery" joke. On the other hand its so bizarre that you just can't help but laugh and feel bad all at once.

Kim Kardashian - I don't get it. She did a sex tape. Her dad was friends and somewhat of a legal representative for O.J. Most famously known for reading what at the time sounded like a chilling suicide note. Don't get it twisted. I understand the forces that make her a star. What I don't get is why people think she is amazingly beautiful. Also her sister Khloe looks hideous and in 15 years she'll either be anorexic or gigantic and be fluctuating weight like she's a member of Wilson Philips.

Dubstep - You know its getting big when its in the new GI Joe trailer. Right? GIVE ME THOSE FAT DROPS!

Young Adult - MINNESOTA! Haven't seen it yet. Going tomorrow. Will report.

The Proud Return of Scenes From Films that Make/Have Made at One Point Scott Cry:

First of all this scene isn't even fair. You've got a sad song (with a children chorus which is basically fucking cheating) and you have the fact that this is a true story.



As a stereotypical dude, sports movies are occasionally my weakness. Many verge on the level of bullshit and I don't really get choked up. But you need no context (and this scene is scientifically backed as a scene that will cause people to lose it) for a scene like this. Did I mention it has a kid in it? Not fair. It won't let me embed it but I warn you. Only the coldest human could avoid crying. And you don't need context on this because the movie really isn't that great.

Click if You Dare

Slightly more violent and not for the squeamish but Giovanni Ribisi's death scene in Saving Private Ryan is a real classic punch to the gut.




LATE BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: HERE IS A FUNNY TUMBLR OF KIM JONG IL DROPPING THE BASS.


http://kimjongildroppingthebass.tumblr.com/

MUSIC

There is NO DOUBT that 'Don't Speak' is a good song. See what I did there?

Maybe I told this story before. Maybe I didn't. The first CD's I ever bought were from Columbia House/Columbia House Record Club. For those who don't remember this, it was a mail order program that was often found in magazines that would offer you something like 7 CD's for a cent each or free. You were then obligated to buy something like two or three CD's over the next year as part of this promotion.

The funny thing was that I didn't have a job. I was approximately ten years old. I don't know why the hell my mom let me do this. I probably lied to her. I don't remember every CD I ordered but I definitely got No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom and did it ever rock my world. I'm pretty sure I also ordered the Quad City DJ's album 'Get on Up and Dance' solely for the song C'mon N' Ride It (The Train). Not my finest moment. Anyhow. I remember getting notices in the mail that I owed money or something like that and it freaked me the fuck out. I thought the police would come or something to arrest me. Perhaps I'm inventing things here but I swear I remember getting collections letters for a year or two after this saying I owed 20 dollars or something but then they stopped. Maybe they figured out I was 12 and they were boned. Either way, I got the CD's for free and life was good.

If I was asked to order my top 3 songs off that album they would go like this.

1. Don't Speak - Eminently listenable. If you could erase the worlds memory of this song and then re-release it to a fresh audience I'm convinced this song would still chart well. I'm sure millions of people have listened to this on repeat after some horrible breakup too. HUSH HUSH DARLING



2. Sunday Morning - A fun song. High energy. The secret gem of the album. Not much to say other than its my personal preference for ranking this that high. I've probably listened to this song off the album the most. Reminds me of Southern California.



3. Just a Girl - Despite the fact that I've never been able to sing this song aloud because I would look like a weirdo (I'm just a girl, just look at me, not your typical prototype) I think its probably the second most important song to come off the album. Not only does this establish firmly that Gwen Stefani is the new front(wo)man but that she is getting a lot of personal things off her chest and addressing the "HATERS."



I've never seen them live. Also one time she licked Moby's head.

Home Alone 2: The Lost Files

In the film Home Alone, our hero Kevin McCallister is an eight year old boy in suburban Chicago who gets left behind by his family as they fly to Paris to celebrate Christmas with one of Kevin's uncles. Hijinks as well as tough lessons about family are learned and we all come out as better people. Everyone except the 'Wet Bandits' played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. They end up in jail.

Guess what? The following year they decide that they are going to go to Florida to celebrate this Christmas. I'm sure that in the imaginary scenario following the first Home Alone debacle there were a lot of stupid in-jokes with the McCallister family. Perhaps a day after Christmas the family was going to go out to dinner. "BUT DON'T FORGET KEVIN" would say someone...and we'd all have a good old laugh. But as the months wore on the joke would wear thin. Until it was forgotten. Probably around August. But as Christmas slowly snuck back up on the McCallister's the jokes would come back. And now we're back to the night before the trip. Why this family (and extended family as there are many cousins and uncles involved) has to go travel another place the following year? I guess they just like playing with fate.

There is the playful self awareness as the two parents played by Catherine O'Hara and John Heard scream, "WE DID IT AGAIN" *CUE MONTAGE*

Anyhow Kevin isn't left behind perse, but rather boards the wrong plane due to a series of miscommunications and coincidences. Such as Kevin's dad and a random dude with similar build and hair color happen to be wearing the same coat. HOW WACKY. Upon the realization when Kevin hits the ground that he is alone and his family is in Florida he is overwhelmed, not with anxiety, but with glee! Which is surprising. The year is presumably 1992 (the year of the films release) and New York City is not gripped with crime, but the crime rates have not yet plummeted. Unemployment was at 11.2 percent in New York City and as far as what I could find on a cursory glance there were over 2300 murders, over 5000 rapes, and over 108,000 robberies. To put that in perspective the murder rate in New York City has not been over 1000 since 1998. Aggressive anti-crime initiatives enacted by Rudy Giuliani would not occur until his mayoral election and entering office in 1994. Things like CompStat, aggressive beat patrols, and a crackdown on petty offenses had not yet occurred. I'm not saying Kevin should be terrified, but if he knew the stats, 9/10 year old kid walking around with his dads credit card, cash, and a hot toy (The Talk Boy) shouldn't be giddy either. The least of his worries should be a old woman central park drifter who seems to have an affinity for birds.

He does some of the typical sight seeing all evidently in a days time. Presuming they left the airport from Chicago and flew directly in to New York he packs in a lot in a single day. Oddly he's shown taking the Brooklyn Bridge in to Manhattan and yet it is likely judging by the brief shot I pulled off youtube he has likely landed in LaGuardia. He's probably taking the subway but in a small montage he is seen both at Radio City Music Hall and then on the top of the World Trade Center. Right. So he checks in to the 'Plaza Hotel' in a baller suite. I'd have to guess the rate for his room on the low end would still have to start at something like 900 dollars a night. And as far as I can tell he only spends one night in the hotel by himself. The 23rd. The showdown in Central Park with the wet bandits occurs the 24th and that same night he meets his mom and reunites with his family. The entire family is now in New York and now in a newer bigger suite. Did they get comped? Who is to say. Perhaps because of the fuck up by the hotel they want to just comp them since they did let some little kid sweet talk his way through using his fathers credit card and what not.

Regardless, allow me to get to my main point of this entire post. The film ends with Kevin's father yelling from the hotel to the city at large angrily declaring that Kevin has spent 967 dollars in room service. That in it of itself is shocking given the fact that Kevin effectively had one and a half days to rack up that bill and even at the insane rates that a nice hotel would charge for room service, I do feel some incredulous. None the less, he should be more concerned with how he is going to pay for the room. And if not the room, the the fact that this entire family is likely flying on his bill. 967 dollars in the big picture is very little given that the house they live in has (IN REAL LIFE) recently hit the market for a tune of 2.4 million or something like that in Chicago. I'd have to assume they're doing well. Who knows. I have too many questions.

In Conclusion, Kevin should have been murdered in New York.

Back to Back

Normally I would save this. But I just had my mind motoring.

'Bitch' - Meredith Brooks

Could this song be the least likely hit of the entire 90's? There was a lot of crazy music coming out in the early 90's as the transition from poppy synth new wave and hair metal and...wait, yeah that's bullshit. I do think the story is becoming lazier as time goes on. It simply goes that the excess of the 80's and extravagance of it all in the realm of say hair metal became too much and was in a single moment RIPPED APART WITH A SIMPLE RIFF THAT USHERED IN AN ERA OF FLANNEL AND SELF INTROSPECTION. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT TORE DOWN THE WALLS OF INCONSEQUENTIAL FUN LIKE 'CHERRY PIE.' Except it didn't really.

I digress. 'Bitch' hit number 1 on the Billboard Mainstream Top 40. Was number 2 on the Hot 100. It was shockingly successful. I think this song came out at exactly the right time. It's funny to think but if you look at what pop culture (musicians, network tv, entertainment in general) is allowed to get away with its pretty shocking. Even compared to 10 or 12 years ago. And while there are going to be plenty of people who suggest this ever loosening belt of morals is bad news, I will politely disagree. Anyhow, the year is 1997. I do feel that bitch being uttered in a song was still kind of controversial. It's a bad word! You can't say that. The fact that it managed to acquire major mainstream success is quite interesting. Even though the word bitch is only used 4 times in the whole song.

The late 90's was a confusing place. On the mainstream top 40 list 'Bitch' was preceded by MMMbop and Succeeded by another one hit wonder with a really fucked up song. That song was 'How Bizarre' by OMC. There is no doubt in my mind if 'Bitch' were to have come out in the early 90's it probably gets cut from her album as the label was considering. It also doesn't get mainstream airplay. It's almost hilarious to think that in the early 90's my mom was worried about me watching Beavis and Butthead and people thought The Simpsons was destroying and decaying family morals. If they could have seen South Park or basically anything on the internet they would have died of shock.

One thing about 'Bitch' that might also get overlooked is that the video is really fucking weird. No doubt the song is catchy. Nice guitar strong guitar riff kicks the song off and announces that this lady has attitude. Though as the lyrics note she is an angel underneath and has a softer side....or maybe a little bit of everything all rolled in to one. Yeah. Lots of floral patterns in this video. Shockingly a look in to the future as ladies really enjoy the flowery sun dresses...or at least they did six months ago (i think).

I guess I was wrong. This is not the least likely hit of the 90's. It's catchy. It's got an edge. And people like swearing. She did go to Lilith Fair though. I'm sure there was a portion of that audience who liked the song and then used it almost as an empowerment song. YEAH WE'RE BITCHES, DEAL! Which is fine. I was wrong. This song isn't that crazy....now OMC - HOW BIZARRE....

OH SNOW YOU DIDN'T!

Get it? It's snowing right now.



Grantland had a 'Worst Toys of the 80's List' that was shockingly short but also wrong! Which is not to say I disagree. It is worth noting that the commercial they have embedded on their page is definitely from the 90's. Though as far as I'm aware Crossfire the game had been around since the 70's and perhaps they never had a commercial for it in the 80's.

Story Here: http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/38331/youtube-hall-of-fame-the-worst-toys-of-the-80s

The list for the lazy was Simon, Etch A Sketch Animator, Crossfire, Pogo Bal, and Teddy Ruxpin.

I did have a Teddy Ruxpin but I only remember this because I distinctly remember having it around. But I don't remember much beyond the fact that at the point I can remember I think I had lost all the cassette tapes for it so it couldn't read me shit. I do remember having a educational (maybe?) toy that connected to the television but for whatever reason I believe I had to get rid of it because it was messing up the television. Thank god I ended up getting a Nintendo.

I'm so out of the damn loop because I don't have kids, but do kids these days even play with cars or things like Micro Machines? Conceptually micro machines are stupid and awful. To put it plainly, they are cheaper smaller versions of die cast cars. They are made of plastic. And since they're so small they will get lost easier. I was obsessed with these. I loved the military ones. I also recall getting a small drum set from my uncle when I was about four or five. Twenty some odd years later I regret not getting in to drums at the time or even taking lessons. I could be a world famous drummer traveling the world, drinking myself in to oblivion, and setting myself up for a run on Celebrity Rehab already. I blew it.

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

And by that I mean I will now be judging people. I've probably touched on this in the past but one thing I do truly miss is the deluge of late morning/early afternoon talk shows of the late 90's. I'm talking post Donahue and Sally Jessy Raphael and more Montel, Leeza Gibbons, Ricki Lake, and Maury. Okay now I'm positive I've blogged about this in the past. Either way fat babies were back in the news and that is one of my favorite day time talk show topics.

MORBIDLY OBESE BABIES. On one hand its awful. Young children weighing over a hundred pounds. But I love the setup montages of the fat babies eating a big burger or stuffing their face with cookies. It cracks me up. Or in this case eating tooth paste.



To psycho analyze, I probably like these episodes because I am deep down a very insecure person who has long had a history of....NAH FUCK THAT. I think its funny to see these fat babies carted out for our viewing pleasure and watching the parent sobbing about how they can't say no to their obese offspring. THE BABY EATS TOOTHPASTE FOR GOD SAKE. Maybe this does say something about our society. Both my ability to consume (PUN INTENDED) such entertainment, and the environment where a child can get hilariously overweight. Somehow I doubt the child slave in Pakistan who since they were able to, have been working as a brick maker to pay off some ridiculous debt that has been heaped on their family for generations. What type of sloth have we created?! HAVE WE ALL GONE MAD!??! Yes, probably.

Listen Up Bro

Turkey Day. I ate the usual suspects but there was a real winner this year. Pickles. I ate a shit ton of pickles this thanksgiving. It was great.

What isn't great is watching football and thanksgiving and seeing lots and lots of Geico advertisements. They started cute. A talking gecko who randomly changed accents after a year. But once those fucking cavemen showed up...There have been dozens of these cavemen commercials. I'm not even going to embed a caveman commercial because they offend my sensibilities. At this point, the moment I realize its a caveman commercial (which is nearly instantaneous) I start to get very angry.

The worst thing about the newest ones is that they don't appear to be filmed on a good camera. It's like someone was using their iphone to record a commercial.

Don't forget about the short lived Cavemen tv series spinoff. The show was described as, "unique buddy comedy that offers a clever twist on stereotypes and turns race relations on its head." I prefer to call it, weird as fuck and not good. I don't like saying that since Nick Kroll was in it. Kroll is someone I think is hilarious. But even he couldn't turn the show around.

I'd like to rant on and on about the show but I can't. I don't know enough about it. I will simply state that this was a sad time in America. IN closing, I believe in America. I believe we still have time to do a porn parody of the Geico Cavemen. It will be titled, 'THIS AIN'T THE CAVEMEN XXX' and well...you know how the rest goes. Lots of down and dirty sex with a cameo from a guy dressed in a gecko suit.

SOUTH COAST TOYOTA

Well. You might have thought I gave up. No more witty analysis on stupid shit. Well you were wrong. I'm back in full effect. And this time the comeback isn't a highly staged attention grab.

I do find it comforting in this day and age that if I'm trying to find something that I vaguely recall from some bygone time, it is probably on the internet. I was just talking with a friend of mine online and we were discussing annoying commercials (both radio and television) that are completely local things. And what did I do? I went to youtube, searched "SOUTH COAST TOYOTA" and the first video to appear is someone taking a video in their car while on the radio the 'South Coast Toyota' song plays. This would have been impossible ten years ago. For one, I'm not even in the Los Angeles area where this is playing. I could only mention it in passing about how when I lived in Los Angeles there was some annoying commercial. Today I can mention it and my friend across the country can watch it.



Which reminds me that I was reading The Economist while sitting in the bathroom the other day and they had a very pretentious section. It was an insert in The Economist that was labeled Intelligent Life. It was essentially a mini art section special that they had inserted. Talking about Andy Warhol and his true worth and other such non-sense. JUST TELL ME ABOUT HEDGE FUNDS IN ASIA! But anyhow, in one section they had an article asking the age old time travel question, "What was the best time, and place, to be alive? More in depth answers from the article I'm talking about can be found here: http://moreintelligentlife.com/

Of course they're all pretentious and shitty answers. Lucy Kellaway says she would want to be in America around 15,000 BC. She is the management columnist at the Financial Times.

"Hunter-gatherers were far more equal than us - men and women, rich and poor. They spent time on things modern life does not encourage: chatting, playing with children and having sex with more than one person."

Now my early human history is a bit sketchy but nothing about 15,000 BC or anytime around then sounds particularly enjoyable. Increased technological advances like finer flint tools and harpoons began appearing. This was also a time of massive climate change for the colder. Nothing like living during the time when massive ice sheets blanketed most of the earth. Ice covering all of Canada and pushing down through the upper half of present day United States really wants to make me fuck. She's right though. Everyone was much more equal. IN that all humans were in a constant life or death struggle and one broken ankle out on a days hunt could mean you would die cold, alone, and starving. There would be plenty of time for chatting between the daily struggle of surviving against your fellow man and natures cold uncaring spectre that threatened your every day existence and which drove you in a constant pursuit of food, shelter, and if time permitted procreating. 15,000 BC also predates the Neolithic Revolution which means that the ability to live an agrarian life of semi sustainable subsistence farming had yet to occur. Have fun tracking the wild herds of animals across great swaths of land.

Just me talking but I'd settle for right now. Not fifty years ago, not thirty years ago, but today. I like living today knowing what I know. I like the endless diversions in so called mindless entertainment. I like not having to sit under a darkened sky in a cave in the middle of nowhere contemplating how I will hunt better the next day as my stomach rumbles and shakes because myself and my clan have been unable to track the herd of deer we've been following for weeks. I enjoy the fact that the compound fracture in my right arm isn't a death sentence. I like checking my iphone all the time to see if someone said something funny. There was no time for sarcasm when a saber toothed cat could rip me to shreds. I am here right now because we are homo sapiens. "The Wise man" or "knowing man" in Latin. We have opposable thumbs. We build. We dream. And right now is as good a time as any.

We also wheez the juice.

Screams From the Haters

I was taking a break. That's all. I got a new computer and its fucking awesome. I've also been pigging the fuck out the last few weeks what with the state fair, friends visiting, me traveling, and generally being a slob. No joke I've gained like 9 pounds since I was in Japan. NICE.

Heading to Davenport Iowa tomorrow. WIth that in mind I'll drop this little ditty. The best part about this song is that you know so many people have gotten "it on" to this song. And by using "gotten it on" I have ensured I will not be "getting it on" anytime soon. Unless I find true love in Davenport.

TRICKY TRICKY PEOPLE

I CAN'T STOP WATCHING THIS

YELLOW DINO: PEDO HUNTER from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

Collateral

It isn't my favorite movie of all time. It isn't the greatest film of all time. It isn't the best Michael Mann film. It is a film that I can always watch and it is a film I will recommend to anyone. The film is Collateral. It stars Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx who essentially share screen time. It also came out right before everyone began irrationally hating Tom Cruise.

The short version of the story is that Max (Foxx) is a cab driver. He picks up a fare by the name of Vincent (Cruise) who claims he is in town to close a real estate deal. He needs to be driven around all night through out Los Angeles stopping to meet with five people and then leave town by morning. In reality Cruise is a contract killer hired by a drug cartel to eliminate witnesses in a Federal trial. Max gets involved when a victim falls on his cab. Chaos ensues.

What I find most compelling about Collateral is the didactic quality that Max and Vincent end up having. There is an ethos that is applied across many of Mann's films that you have to buy in to though. If you aren't buying what he's selling, you'll probably find a film like Collateral much less compelling than I do. That ethos would be a quasi "warriors code" of cops and criminals. There is a common morality that is found throughout another Mann film Heat that also touches on this. That despite the fact that two men may be on opposite sides of the law, they are more alike than any other men. In this case though, Vincent is somewhat indifferent in regards to a baseline morality. Or rather he doesn't subscribe to the common social views of what is right and wrong. He is merely a cipher. Though as the night progresses Vincent and Max do in a bizarre and antagonistic way become partners. It may be a begrudging partnership, but a partnership none the less.

Another reason for me gushing about this film randomly is the fact that it reveals a Los Angeles that is rarely shown on film. This isn't a film for the most part that pretends downtown Los Angeles is a bustling center of life like it was midtown Manhattan. It also doesn't reside on the west side of Los Angeles (Malibu, Santa Monica, Westwood, or even Beverly Hills). This is a film that shows a Los Angeles far less traveled. It even ends with a shootout on *GASP* Los Angeles public transit. The film also used digital camera setups for many scenes that as one critic pointed out though their name escapes me now, how the clarity that digital brought managed to highlight the eery and bizarre glow that occurs at night in to early morning of the Los Angeles skies.

The score throughout is great. Mann has in commentaries mentioned the use of a more organic score and its definitely present in the closing moments of the film. Go watch Collateral if you haven't.

Funny!

Andy Daly has proved to be one of the funniest guys ever. If you don't listen to Comedy Death Ray Radio then you should. In short, the format is pretty basic though it does take a bit to get used to. Scott Aukerman plays host, there is a person who appears as themselves (I.E. Patton Oswalt will be on to talk about random stuff), and then there is usually another comedian on who will be playing a character. There can be more or less people but its usually as I mentioned. There is a rhythm to how the show works that can be a bit off putting. I got used to it after a few episodes though.

Anyhow Andy Daly is funny. I also think Brett Gelman is probably one of the funniest guys in the world right now, but anytime he is on Comedy Death Ray he also kills.

This friday I'm going to go see Chuck Klosterman talk about something...I guess. Craig Finn will be there too. I'm not sure how that will all work out.


This post was simply to inform you of who I think is awesome. Sorry if you didn't like it. But to entertain you a bit NORM MACDONALD GIVING A GREAT INTERVIEW TO THE AVCLUB!


AVC: What else don’t you like about televised stand-up?

NM: It never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film. I’ve just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn’t know them, I wouldn’t know they were funny from the television. I don’t know what it does, it just sucks it away. It’s a live experience. It’s like when they fucking show—I know nothing about plays and shit, but sometimes they’ll show a play on TV, and it’s fucking shit, because you’re like, “What the fuck, am I supposed to think that’s a moon?” Like it’s a cardboard moon or some shit.

Dear Winona Ryder

What is up? Call me.

Time After Time

The only thing I can say about this video is that I always found it weird that she is clutching a porcelain dog. Why not a stuffed one...you know, cause its soft and what not.

Revolution X: A Survival Guide For Our Generation

No, I'm not talking about Revolution X, the arcade shooter video game that featured Aerosmith prominently as seen here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolution_X

I'm talking about the hopelessly hilarious and out of date book written in 1994 entitled 'Revolution X: A Survival Guide For Our Generation' by Rob Nelson and Jon Cowan. With a forward by Bill Bradley no less.

Any book purporting to be speaking to a specific generation is going to inevitably look silly as time passes. That much is obvious. And believe me when I say that I approached this book with a healthy amount of leeway given the title and how easy it is to mock things that speak earnestly. That said, it's hard not to laugh at this book. At the time this was as earnest and serious as it comes, but I don't think the two authors could have foreseen in such a short period how much irony, post-irony, and cynicism would envelop the 'Post Generation X' generation even more so than the aforementioned GENERATION X. I.E. Me and my similarly aged folks.

Let me make it clear. Following the publishing details page, the dedication page reads as follows.

"We dedicate this book to the millions in our generation who are tired of being put in a box and labeled, and who want to join the movement for a better feature."

I burst in to laughter when I saw that. I also immediately envisioned a Claire Danes/My So Called Life or Winona Ryder/Reality Bites saying that while wearing a slightly stretched in a neck oversized wool sweater while their bangs hang slightly in their face and they coyly blow them out of the way. Yeah I envisioned that whole thing while also laughing at how fucking dumb that quote sounds.

To be fair the book mostly outlines how increasing debt, rising cost of education, and things like gay rights are important. And that is true. And one should vote. But the way it is presented is so shockingly hilarious to see that I almost feel bad laughing about it. But I can't help it. I'm writing this on a blog and I'm being snarky and all these things could not have been envisioned by the writers at the time.

The book does attempt to be quite "REAL" by having random side bar boxes in the book that include quotes from real GEN-X folk! Unfortunately it reads really stupidly. Mary, 26 years old and an office assistant drops this pearl of wisdom on us.

"Every day I try to do something to make our lives a little easier, or better. Like try to use just one cup. Or not throw out paper and recycle it."

Elizabeth a 25 year old grad student says, "I don't see our generation as being really content. I think they're search for something. I see a lot of people rejecting what their parents have had or done."

John, age 22 says, "I feel my voice mute in a world increasingly target marketed for people with bladder control problems and who need spray on hair."

Eben who claims to be a 25 year old graphic designer but says, "I went to one of the best colleges in the United States and I'm working as a bike messenger for next to nothing, no benefits, barely paying my rent, not paying my college loans." [HIPSTER!]

Kirsten, 24 year old bartender, "The american dream? Right now...the dream for me personally would just be to survive."

Yeah...again these are honest answers but its hilarious seeing them complain about how shitty things are when they were on the precipice of one of the greatest growth stretches in the American economy. The Dot Com boom and all that fun stuff. But instead we have Susheela, 29, a law school grad saying, "No One's hiring. The job market sucks. I'm paying rent on credit cards."

The book does provide a handy chart entitled "HOW OUR GENERATION WILL REDEFINE POLITICS" which is genuinely worth a laugh. It has two columns. One labeled "THE OLD" and the other "THE NEW."

The Old: Air Force One - The New: Video Teleconferencing
The Old: Polls - The New: Televised National Referendums
The Old: Voting Booths - The New: Voting by Internet
The Old: Evening News/The New York Times - The New: CNN, Cable + Insta-News
The Old: Left vs. Right - The New: Postpartisan

There also happens to be a very funny undercurrent of fear that the Japanese are going to take over! That has now been replaced by China. Included in the book are the "100 Harshest Facts About Your Future."

Number 16: In 1970 The Japanese had none of the world market share in dynamic random access memories, a semicondutor device; by 1988, that share had risen to 80 percent.

Also, this is what the cover looks like:



Am I being an asshole? Yes. Did I buy this at a book store for 2 dollars? Yes. Do I think its funny that people were complaining about college being expensive when they were paying something like 2000 dollars a year on tuition? YES.

A Postmortem

It has been a long time. I'm not apologizing this time though. I will simply admit that I am lazy.

What is worth noting is that I just got back from Texas. I won't say anything disparaging because there really isn't much to say. There are certainly a lot of churches in the Dallas/Fort Worth area though.

Ashley played host to me as I at the last second made a decision to come down to Austin for SXSW. She's got a great place and between her, James, and Jenn they were more than accommodating. Mega-Props to her for getting me in to some great events...and if you're reading this you are probably my friend on Facebook anyways so go there for some more pics.

I will say that SXSW is kind of like a giant block party with lots of music, free beer, mustaches, tattoos, and chicks with weird/hot haircuts where for no reason part of their head is shaved and the other is two feet long. I definitely blew it though when it came to eating a massive texas steak. I feel as though I could pound one of those challenge size steaks where you have to eat 80 ounces worth of meat. I would put my body through the ridiculous pain, meat sweats, and intestinal distress just to say I at a giant chunk of cow.

SXSW did confirm one of my long held beliefs once again. The swedes can make good catchy music.

The Unsubtle Nature of Van Halen's 'Hot for Teacher'

There is nothing subtle about the song Hot For Teacher. For some reason this just occurred to me now though. I was driving home the other night and it came on the radio. There is a spoken line that occurs that certainly drives this home.

One should point out that in Van Halen songs and other songs of that era there were often spoken word parts of the song that help establish a greater story that was occurring within the song. In the Motley Crue song 'Girls, Girls, Girls' we as listeners are literally riding along with the band on motorcycles as they decide on what to do that night (go to the strip club). In the Van Halen Song 'Hot for Teacher' we are one of the students in the class room.

Hey, I heard you missed us
We're back! (Hey!)
I brought my pencil
Give me something to write on, man!

Classy. Still, I like the song.