Thursday, September 24, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
The 20 Dollar Fajita Pyramid Starring Bootny Lee Farnsworth
Going to a restaurant my eyes are greeted with what could be described as a laundry list of food items. In many a developing country in the world this list of bountiful delights would be met with cries of joy and hungry mouths watering. For me it is but another list of things that do nothing for me. Tonight like every lonely night in my life I am the hunter. My prey? The perfect fajitas.
There are two things that constantly get in my way of the perfect fajitas. Price and shitty steak. If the steak is terrible/too thin/not tender enough I will be immediately annoyed. Furthering my annoyance is if the place charges for extra flour tortillas. Guess what, flour tortillas cost about 2 dollars for a stack of fifty at any grocery store. So why are you mother fuckers charging me 30 cents per tortilla extra. The mean starting point is usually 3 yet the bountiful amounts of steak, beans, and rice will push my demands for flour tortillas far beyond that number. This is a racket. Getting a bit more into price is that fajitas are the type of dish that is delicately priced at most places. Anything under 11 dollars and I'll in my mind tell myself I'm getting a good deal. Anything over 16 and they better be damn good. The reality is I'm probably getting ripped off either way. Could I make a whole fajita dinner for myself on the cheap? Yes...but I'm lazy.
There are two things that constantly get in my way of the perfect fajitas. Price and shitty steak. If the steak is terrible/too thin/not tender enough I will be immediately annoyed. Furthering my annoyance is if the place charges for extra flour tortillas. Guess what, flour tortillas cost about 2 dollars for a stack of fifty at any grocery store. So why are you mother fuckers charging me 30 cents per tortilla extra. The mean starting point is usually 3 yet the bountiful amounts of steak, beans, and rice will push my demands for flour tortillas far beyond that number. This is a racket. Getting a bit more into price is that fajitas are the type of dish that is delicately priced at most places. Anything under 11 dollars and I'll in my mind tell myself I'm getting a good deal. Anything over 16 and they better be damn good. The reality is I'm probably getting ripped off either way. Could I make a whole fajita dinner for myself on the cheap? Yes...but I'm lazy.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
HULU is the New Late Night Movie Destination
I again am becoming a talking walking advertisement for the power that is Hulu. Go to the site and watch television and movies for free. They will have a few ads throughout the viewing of the program but they are short and really not that bad of a sacrifice for a relatively good quality online video viewer.
With that in mind the movies on here are largely crappy. For a variety of licensing issues most "GOOD" movies are put up on Hulu but then are only on there for maybe a month or two and then are taken down. In the past movies like The Big Lebowski, The Karate Kid Trilogy, The Thing, 28 Days Later, and many other average to good films have been on Hulu. They are all down now. The good news is most really shitty movies get thrown up on Hulu and stay there for a long time. Did you say you wanted to watch Kickboxer 3 starring that dude who played Cody in Step By Step? Well you're in luck because its there! How about The Substitute 2:School's Out...can't afford Tom Berenger for the sequel...well good news, we have Treat Williams.
The entire point I'm getting at though is that I grew up in what can only be described as an amazing time for television and cable in general. By the early to mid 90's cable was entering a stage where the product itself was maturing beyond a ramshackle group of channels that were still trying to figure out what the hell to put on at all hours of the day. There was a time where USA, TBS, TNT, and the like all had various night and late night movie programming blocks. Films like Judgment Night, Surviving The Game, and The People Under the Stairs became staples of the late night movie rotation.
USA Up All Night was fucking awesome. Gilbert Gottfried introducing me to Critters 2: The Main Course was a great time in my life. On top of that cable has become a lot more refined which means they cater far less to the lowest common denominator. What I can tell you is that the show Silk Stalkings was a show I didn't personally watch/enjoy but I do remember the lead ins to every episode was someone was having sex and then they got killed. Not exactly sure if my 12 year old brain knew exactly what was going on.
Tragically the way these channels fill the late night hours now is around midnight to one they just immediately flip it to the same 4 informercials (they don't even have any good informericals anymore but that is an entirely different topic) and let them run on repeat until 5 or 6 am and the regular programming schedule resumes. The children of today then are left with Hulu. It lacks the charm of the cheap ass programming ethos of cable programming but at least they can watch The Substitute 2 without censorship.
P.S. TNT allowed me to watch The Shawshank Redemption about 823 times.
With that in mind the movies on here are largely crappy. For a variety of licensing issues most "GOOD" movies are put up on Hulu but then are only on there for maybe a month or two and then are taken down. In the past movies like The Big Lebowski, The Karate Kid Trilogy, The Thing, 28 Days Later, and many other average to good films have been on Hulu. They are all down now. The good news is most really shitty movies get thrown up on Hulu and stay there for a long time. Did you say you wanted to watch Kickboxer 3 starring that dude who played Cody in Step By Step? Well you're in luck because its there! How about The Substitute 2:School's Out...can't afford Tom Berenger for the sequel...well good news, we have Treat Williams.
The entire point I'm getting at though is that I grew up in what can only be described as an amazing time for television and cable in general. By the early to mid 90's cable was entering a stage where the product itself was maturing beyond a ramshackle group of channels that were still trying to figure out what the hell to put on at all hours of the day. There was a time where USA, TBS, TNT, and the like all had various night and late night movie programming blocks. Films like Judgment Night, Surviving The Game, and The People Under the Stairs became staples of the late night movie rotation.
USA Up All Night was fucking awesome. Gilbert Gottfried introducing me to Critters 2: The Main Course was a great time in my life. On top of that cable has become a lot more refined which means they cater far less to the lowest common denominator. What I can tell you is that the show Silk Stalkings was a show I didn't personally watch/enjoy but I do remember the lead ins to every episode was someone was having sex and then they got killed. Not exactly sure if my 12 year old brain knew exactly what was going on.
Tragically the way these channels fill the late night hours now is around midnight to one they just immediately flip it to the same 4 informercials (they don't even have any good informericals anymore but that is an entirely different topic) and let them run on repeat until 5 or 6 am and the regular programming schedule resumes. The children of today then are left with Hulu. It lacks the charm of the cheap ass programming ethos of cable programming but at least they can watch The Substitute 2 without censorship.
P.S. TNT allowed me to watch The Shawshank Redemption about 823 times.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Terminator 2 Get's Me Choked Up
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is an extremely important film for many reasons. It is often overlooked when discussions of the greatest action films of all time come up. The obvious (and probably most correct answer) answer is Die Hard....then it is pretty much all down hill from there.
As a guy who likes his movies I will say that T2 manages to hit a nerve or two near the end. What is not to love? A robot who learns to true value of human life and the nuances of emotion must ultimately sacrifice itself for the greater good of all humanity!!!! That is drama...not on TNT.
Did it just get a bit dusty in here or what? At the core of the movie you just have John Connor...a rambunctious youth who lacks a father figure in his life and is living with crappy foster parents. His mother is in a psyche ward and the one who ultimately brings stability in his life is a robot sent from the future by his future self!
On a complete side note, I would make an argument (a compelling one at that!) that without Terminator 2 one Mr. Schwarzenegger would not be governor of the state of California right now. First and foremost Arnold's filmography up to T2 was relatively long but not very distinguished. Sure he just flexed his comedic chops with Kindergarten Cop but he hadn't transitioned in to full blown phenom. He was a big action star but that was it. Terminator 2 put him over the top and made him in to a full blown international superstar. It played to his acting strengths and was an amazing action movie to boot. If Terminator 2 ended up sucking or just wasn't made I don't think Arnold is looked back upon nearly as fondly. One could even make an argument that post T2 he basically coasted for the rest of his acting career. True Lies (another Cameron Joint) and Terminator 3 are probably the post Terminator 2 highlights of his career.
As a guy who likes his movies I will say that T2 manages to hit a nerve or two near the end. What is not to love? A robot who learns to true value of human life and the nuances of emotion must ultimately sacrifice itself for the greater good of all humanity!!!! That is drama...not on TNT.
Did it just get a bit dusty in here or what? At the core of the movie you just have John Connor...a rambunctious youth who lacks a father figure in his life and is living with crappy foster parents. His mother is in a psyche ward and the one who ultimately brings stability in his life is a robot sent from the future by his future self!
On a complete side note, I would make an argument (a compelling one at that!) that without Terminator 2 one Mr. Schwarzenegger would not be governor of the state of California right now. First and foremost Arnold's filmography up to T2 was relatively long but not very distinguished. Sure he just flexed his comedic chops with Kindergarten Cop but he hadn't transitioned in to full blown phenom. He was a big action star but that was it. Terminator 2 put him over the top and made him in to a full blown international superstar. It played to his acting strengths and was an amazing action movie to boot. If Terminator 2 ended up sucking or just wasn't made I don't think Arnold is looked back upon nearly as fondly. One could even make an argument that post T2 he basically coasted for the rest of his acting career. True Lies (another Cameron Joint) and Terminator 3 are probably the post Terminator 2 highlights of his career.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Still Waiting
Since I just did a repost I feel like I owe you all some fresh content.
I'm still waiting for my air freshener scent.
-1 part sizzling bacon
-1 part freshly brewing coffee
-1 part cigarette smoke
I assure you all that these three smells in a trifecta (with cigarette smoke being very very feint) is amazing. There is no better smell to wake up too.
I'm still waiting for my air freshener scent.
-1 part sizzling bacon
-1 part freshly brewing coffee
-1 part cigarette smoke
I assure you all that these three smells in a trifecta (with cigarette smoke being very very feint) is amazing. There is no better smell to wake up too.
Blog Reruns: Walk the Dinosaur or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Walk the Dinosaur
I've hit a new low. I'm reposting an old post because I was rereading my own posts and found this one fucking awesome. From August 23, 2007.
So I'm on my way home from work and the radio is precariously tuned to JackFM. Its a five minute drive, but thank god I got in the car just as a new song was coming on. What song you ask? Why its none other than the smash hit "Walk the Dinosaur" from Was Not Was.
If you're not aware of this hit, then I suggest you google it. I'll post the main hook though.
This song made it to #7 on the US Billboard Charts. Thank you 1980's, the best decade ever.
So I'm on my way home from work and the radio is precariously tuned to JackFM. Its a five minute drive, but thank god I got in the car just as a new song was coming on. What song you ask? Why its none other than the smash hit "Walk the Dinosaur" from Was Not Was.
If you're not aware of this hit, then I suggest you google it. I'll post the main hook though.
Open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.
Open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.
Open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.
This song made it to #7 on the US Billboard Charts. Thank you 1980's, the best decade ever.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Worst Ideas
Once in a while I find myself marveling at some of the amazing things man has created. The iPhone is a phenomenal device. Then there is air conditioning. At some point someone was pissed off about sweating all the time and was thinking, "Man...wouldn't it be cool to be comfortable during the summer?!?!"
On the other hand there are a few things that I used to think were pretty awesome but then I realized they actually suck. This is all a big intro to get you wondering and saying, "But Scott....what are you talking about?!" I am talking about pre-foaming soap.
Did anyone honestly say to themselves, "Yeah I like soap since it cleans my hands, but what is with all that 'rubbing my hands together to get a lather' nonsense?!?" No. No one said that before. I've also realized that the foam (at least in my mind) doesn't clean your hands as well since you're more likely to just rub your hands for a second or two and then just rinse it off. The other bad part about this is the home bottles of foaming soap seem to run out ten times faster than a regular dispenser of regular hand soap.
So screw your foaming soap.
ALSO: I have to admit...I'm actually kind of excited to see this movie.
Before everyone and their mothers starts mocking me I will say in my defense it has 3 things going for it.
1. Daniel Stern is in it. He narrated The Wonder Years. He played foil to Culkin in Home Alone. He was in uhhh, Bushwhacked and uhhhhh some other stuff. Seriously though I like Daniel Stern. Celtic Pride ruled!!
2. Kristen Wiig - an extremely funny and talented lady. Probably the best female comic performer on SNL since the first two or three seasons. Also I think she is totally hot.
3. Ellen Paige - I thought she was great in Juno. I also liked that movie which everyone has conveniently forgotten was actually good since it is now much easier to hate on and mock for its over the top hipsterish stuff. The movie was genuinely good and heartwarming in spite of all the 'honest to blogs'. Also I think Ellen is hot too. I feel weird saying that but she is 22! That said she and Michael Cera might as well just get married and be a couple that is perpetually looking absurdly young and its like "woah aren't they just kids" then you come to realize they are the same damn age as you.
I'm not joking when I say if Ellen Paige walked in to the bar i was at, even though I know how old she actually is, I would be thinking "You can't be in here!!!" Then I would awkwardly fumble around and pretend like I don't know who she actually is all while thinking of clever things I should say. Then she would leave 2 hours later and I would be like, "well there went my golden opportunity to say something clever."
On the other hand there are a few things that I used to think were pretty awesome but then I realized they actually suck. This is all a big intro to get you wondering and saying, "But Scott....what are you talking about?!" I am talking about pre-foaming soap.
Did anyone honestly say to themselves, "Yeah I like soap since it cleans my hands, but what is with all that 'rubbing my hands together to get a lather' nonsense?!?" No. No one said that before. I've also realized that the foam (at least in my mind) doesn't clean your hands as well since you're more likely to just rub your hands for a second or two and then just rinse it off. The other bad part about this is the home bottles of foaming soap seem to run out ten times faster than a regular dispenser of regular hand soap.
So screw your foaming soap.
ALSO: I have to admit...I'm actually kind of excited to see this movie.
Before everyone and their mothers starts mocking me I will say in my defense it has 3 things going for it.
1. Daniel Stern is in it. He narrated The Wonder Years. He played foil to Culkin in Home Alone. He was in uhhh, Bushwhacked and uhhhhh some other stuff. Seriously though I like Daniel Stern. Celtic Pride ruled!!
2. Kristen Wiig - an extremely funny and talented lady. Probably the best female comic performer on SNL since the first two or three seasons. Also I think she is totally hot.
3. Ellen Paige - I thought she was great in Juno. I also liked that movie which everyone has conveniently forgotten was actually good since it is now much easier to hate on and mock for its over the top hipsterish stuff. The movie was genuinely good and heartwarming in spite of all the 'honest to blogs'. Also I think Ellen is hot too. I feel weird saying that but she is 22! That said she and Michael Cera might as well just get married and be a couple that is perpetually looking absurdly young and its like "woah aren't they just kids" then you come to realize they are the same damn age as you.
I'm not joking when I say if Ellen Paige walked in to the bar i was at, even though I know how old she actually is, I would be thinking "You can't be in here!!!" Then I would awkwardly fumble around and pretend like I don't know who she actually is all while thinking of clever things I should say. Then she would leave 2 hours later and I would be like, "well there went my golden opportunity to say something clever."
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
The Running Man - Live Blogging Edition
Back in February I live blogged myself watching the Tom Hanks movie Big. This time around I thought I'd get a bit more ambitious. I'm going to live blog The Running Man. Starring none other than the governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. For those who don't know, the Running Man takes place in the "future." The year is 2017. Convicted criminals are put into a television show where they must run from "stalkers." These 'stalkers' are men who hunt down the criminals and kill them. The rub is that if the criminal can escape the stalkers and make it to the end they win their freedom....except as revealed later no one actually wins and the supposed winners are always just killed. The one thing they didn't expect was BEN RICHARDS (Arnold). I'm going to kind of just outline the plot so when I start watching the movie I can just be off the cuff a bit more. Arnold is a helicopter pilot who is patrolling some refugee camp and they are rioting. He has orders to shoot them but as he points out "THEY JUST WANT FOOD GODDAMNIT!" He gets thrown into some sort of labor camp where he then escapes only to get caught again. He is now on the tv show and is chased but he starts kicking major ass. Ultimately he really fucks up everything by exposing the corruption of the television show (evidently its cool to murder people on live television as long as they can legitimately win their way to freedom but when its found out to be a ruse people are SHOCKED!!). Anyways here we go!!!
2:12 - "ALL THEY WANT IS FOOD FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"
5:02 - Evidently in the future in the 'Wilshire Detention Zone' people have been put in to primitive hard labor camps that include both working in some sort of steel mill but also just breaking up rocks and what not. Looks pretty awesome. This is a lot more depressing than the 2015 future that I was promised in Back to the Future Part 2. No hoverboards for one. The Los Angeles Skyline looks pretty damn crazy for being a horrific terrible future as well. Pretty Blade Runner esque there.
17:10 - Captain Freedom's workout. Captain Freedom is played by Jesse Ventura. I'm sure when we were on set of the movie everyone was thinking "I bet we'll have two future governors working on this movie." Also realized I didn't say shit for the last 10 minutes...and to be honest there isn't as much to comment about as I thought there would be. I guess I'm a bit too in to this movie. I mean it would be easy to make some wise crack about how shitty it is but honestly, the movie isn't that compelling until Arnold gets thrown in to the "game." I'm going to fastforward a bit but I will take a few fun screenshots.
28:40 - Ben Richards is captured after trying to escape in the airport with his hostage. She is safe at home watching tv when the news report gets shown. In the news report they LIE!!!! They say he killed the ticket booth agent among many others when in fact he did not. Damn the liberal media...even in the future they are lying!!
38:00 - They now also have a video introducing Ben Richards to the viewers at home. They show how he was responsible for the 'Bakersfield Massacre' in which he actually refused to kill people. In the clips they show though they use the exact clips we saw that was the intro to the movie....which is obviously impossible. Thats actually a pet peeve of mine.
45:00 - Okay now the movie is getting good. The guys run in to their first stalker. This one is 'Sub-Zero'. Not the Mortal Kombat Sub zero. Instead this is an overweight asian hockey goalie sub zero who uses explosive hockey pucks and a sharp sword like goalie stick.
48:02 - Luckily Arnold is smart and uses his environment to his advantage. In this case that would be some razor wire that was on the top of a fence. He takes it and wraps it around Sub-Zeros neck and basically partially decapitates him with it/slits his throat.
48:38 - What we get next is arguably the greatest line performed in Cinema in the last 50 years.
"HERE IS SUB-ZERO.....NOW, PLAIN ZERO!!!"
I really want to know how in the hell that line makes any sense....at all? Sub Zero to Plain Zero...doesn't make sense. The way arnold performs it too...a lot of pathos. Good times. Click Here Since I can't Embed to Watch the Sub-Zero death scene and "Plain Zero" line.
51:02 - Our Next Stalker is introduced. Buzzsaw!!!!!! Get it...he has a chainsaw. Yes very clever. Buzzsaw...NOW PLAIN SAW!!!
51:35 - Two for Stalker update. Dynamo is also unleashed to hunt down Richards and Co. Dynamo's gimmick? He shoots lightning, has LED's all over his fat body, and loves to sing opera. I'm not joking. If you haven't seen this movie please go buy it right now.
1:01:16 - Buzzsaw after being ejected from his motorcycle gets in a bit of hand to hand with Arnold/Richards. Needless to say Richards overpowers Buzzsaw and forces the chainsaw up into his crotch resulting in this:
Classy Movie.
1:03:45 - I've neglected to mention a few subplots but that is basically because they suck and I'm lazy. The woman Richards kidnaps and tries to escape with at the beginning actually works for the TV network. She finds out that Richards has been framed and tries to get some evidence. She is caught and gets thrown in to the 'game' as well. Also the nerdy guy who is in the work camp is in this too along with the black guy that was with Richards as well. The nerdy guy JUST got friend by Dynamo and the black guy got really hurt by Buzzsaw.
1:04-25 - Did I mention Dynamo rides around in this mini Go-Kart and sings opera at the same time?? As it turns out Dynamo's go karts one weakness is slight hills as he quickly topples over and Richards looks like he is about to kill him. Instead he refuses and points out that he isn't going to kill a helpless man like the "sadistic scum" watching want him to!!! Take that!!!
1:09:52 - Fireball is introduced. If you couldn't guess, he shoots fire.
1:16:24 - You can tell they got lazy with this one. Fireball is lured in to a trap and his gas line on the flamethrower gets broken by Richards. You know this because Fireball repeatedly yells, "AHHH MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE!!!!" Richards lights his flare and says, "How about a light?" HAHAHAHAH Get it? LIGHT!!! Like a cigarette except this time instead of lighting a smooth delicious cigarette and entering flavor country he enters an explosive fireball of death!! This should just be an anti-smoking advertisement.
1:17:12 - Captain Freedom is being recruited to go in after Richards but refuses since evidently the game of stalking has been corrupted and become too gimicky. Hence this shitty looking armor. "This is a sport of death and honor!!" declares Captain Freedom!
1:20:16 - After Captain Freedom's refusal to enter, through hilariously trite explanations the network decides to use what they claim to be modern computer graphics to overlay Richards on to an old video of some other guy dying. Thus the public is to never know what really happened and everyone thinks richards gets killed....but ohhh you just wait!!! Richards has also found the underground network of people trying to expose the truth. Earlier in the movie the super nerdy dude found the satellite uplink codes so they can hijack the signal and unleash the truth!!
This explanation I just made actually makes it sound like this movie has a legitimate plot of some sorts. It doesn't. Here is a shot of Richard's supposed death.
1:34:15 - Richards comes in, kills a few dudes, takes over and puts through the rogue signal exposing the legitimately evil ways that people were being killed with the crowd aghast!! Actually its fucking dumb because they're evidently okay with hunting down convicted criminals on television for sport/entertainment but they aren't okay with it once they found out that some of these criminals are wrongfully accused/don't actually get to win their freedom. By the way Richards kills the host of the show who throughout the movie was proven to be an asshole.
It ends with a touching song and a kiss.
I'll be the first to admit I got lazy with this one. I was enjoying watching the movie a bit too much and didn't have as much to say as I thought I would. I just hope you like the pictures.
P.S. If you're a Arnold newbie I suggest a crash course in a few movies to get up to speed in why I love this guy so much. You can watch these in any order but I would highly suggest you watch these immediately. Commando, Total Recall, The Running Man, Kindergarten Cop, and Batman & Robin.
P.S.S.
I just found this Youtube video of a few of the best "lines" from The Running Man. Watch and enjoy.
2:12 - "ALL THEY WANT IS FOOD FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"
5:02 - Evidently in the future in the 'Wilshire Detention Zone' people have been put in to primitive hard labor camps that include both working in some sort of steel mill but also just breaking up rocks and what not. Looks pretty awesome. This is a lot more depressing than the 2015 future that I was promised in Back to the Future Part 2. No hoverboards for one. The Los Angeles Skyline looks pretty damn crazy for being a horrific terrible future as well. Pretty Blade Runner esque there.
17:10 - Captain Freedom's workout. Captain Freedom is played by Jesse Ventura. I'm sure when we were on set of the movie everyone was thinking "I bet we'll have two future governors working on this movie." Also realized I didn't say shit for the last 10 minutes...and to be honest there isn't as much to comment about as I thought there would be. I guess I'm a bit too in to this movie. I mean it would be easy to make some wise crack about how shitty it is but honestly, the movie isn't that compelling until Arnold gets thrown in to the "game." I'm going to fastforward a bit but I will take a few fun screenshots.
28:40 - Ben Richards is captured after trying to escape in the airport with his hostage. She is safe at home watching tv when the news report gets shown. In the news report they LIE!!!! They say he killed the ticket booth agent among many others when in fact he did not. Damn the liberal media...even in the future they are lying!!
38:00 - They now also have a video introducing Ben Richards to the viewers at home. They show how he was responsible for the 'Bakersfield Massacre' in which he actually refused to kill people. In the clips they show though they use the exact clips we saw that was the intro to the movie....which is obviously impossible. Thats actually a pet peeve of mine.
45:00 - Okay now the movie is getting good. The guys run in to their first stalker. This one is 'Sub-Zero'. Not the Mortal Kombat Sub zero. Instead this is an overweight asian hockey goalie sub zero who uses explosive hockey pucks and a sharp sword like goalie stick.
48:02 - Luckily Arnold is smart and uses his environment to his advantage. In this case that would be some razor wire that was on the top of a fence. He takes it and wraps it around Sub-Zeros neck and basically partially decapitates him with it/slits his throat.
48:38 - What we get next is arguably the greatest line performed in Cinema in the last 50 years.
"HERE IS SUB-ZERO.....NOW, PLAIN ZERO!!!"
I really want to know how in the hell that line makes any sense....at all? Sub Zero to Plain Zero...doesn't make sense. The way arnold performs it too...a lot of pathos. Good times. Click Here Since I can't Embed to Watch the Sub-Zero death scene and "Plain Zero" line.
51:02 - Our Next Stalker is introduced. Buzzsaw!!!!!! Get it...he has a chainsaw. Yes very clever. Buzzsaw...NOW PLAIN SAW!!!
51:35 - Two for Stalker update. Dynamo is also unleashed to hunt down Richards and Co. Dynamo's gimmick? He shoots lightning, has LED's all over his fat body, and loves to sing opera. I'm not joking. If you haven't seen this movie please go buy it right now.
1:01:16 - Buzzsaw after being ejected from his motorcycle gets in a bit of hand to hand with Arnold/Richards. Needless to say Richards overpowers Buzzsaw and forces the chainsaw up into his crotch resulting in this:
Classy Movie.
1:03:45 - I've neglected to mention a few subplots but that is basically because they suck and I'm lazy. The woman Richards kidnaps and tries to escape with at the beginning actually works for the TV network. She finds out that Richards has been framed and tries to get some evidence. She is caught and gets thrown in to the 'game' as well. Also the nerdy guy who is in the work camp is in this too along with the black guy that was with Richards as well. The nerdy guy JUST got friend by Dynamo and the black guy got really hurt by Buzzsaw.
1:04-25 - Did I mention Dynamo rides around in this mini Go-Kart and sings opera at the same time?? As it turns out Dynamo's go karts one weakness is slight hills as he quickly topples over and Richards looks like he is about to kill him. Instead he refuses and points out that he isn't going to kill a helpless man like the "sadistic scum" watching want him to!!! Take that!!!
1:09:52 - Fireball is introduced. If you couldn't guess, he shoots fire.
1:16:24 - You can tell they got lazy with this one. Fireball is lured in to a trap and his gas line on the flamethrower gets broken by Richards. You know this because Fireball repeatedly yells, "AHHH MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE!!!!" Richards lights his flare and says, "How about a light?" HAHAHAHAH Get it? LIGHT!!! Like a cigarette except this time instead of lighting a smooth delicious cigarette and entering flavor country he enters an explosive fireball of death!! This should just be an anti-smoking advertisement.
1:17:12 - Captain Freedom is being recruited to go in after Richards but refuses since evidently the game of stalking has been corrupted and become too gimicky. Hence this shitty looking armor. "This is a sport of death and honor!!" declares Captain Freedom!
1:20:16 - After Captain Freedom's refusal to enter, through hilariously trite explanations the network decides to use what they claim to be modern computer graphics to overlay Richards on to an old video of some other guy dying. Thus the public is to never know what really happened and everyone thinks richards gets killed....but ohhh you just wait!!! Richards has also found the underground network of people trying to expose the truth. Earlier in the movie the super nerdy dude found the satellite uplink codes so they can hijack the signal and unleash the truth!!
This explanation I just made actually makes it sound like this movie has a legitimate plot of some sorts. It doesn't. Here is a shot of Richard's supposed death.
1:34:15 - Richards comes in, kills a few dudes, takes over and puts through the rogue signal exposing the legitimately evil ways that people were being killed with the crowd aghast!! Actually its fucking dumb because they're evidently okay with hunting down convicted criminals on television for sport/entertainment but they aren't okay with it once they found out that some of these criminals are wrongfully accused/don't actually get to win their freedom. By the way Richards kills the host of the show who throughout the movie was proven to be an asshole.
It ends with a touching song and a kiss.
I'll be the first to admit I got lazy with this one. I was enjoying watching the movie a bit too much and didn't have as much to say as I thought I would. I just hope you like the pictures.
P.S. If you're a Arnold newbie I suggest a crash course in a few movies to get up to speed in why I love this guy so much. You can watch these in any order but I would highly suggest you watch these immediately. Commando, Total Recall, The Running Man, Kindergarten Cop, and Batman & Robin.
P.S.S.
I just found this Youtube video of a few of the best "lines" from The Running Man. Watch and enjoy.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Saturday, September 05, 2009
A Joke About How MTV Doesn't Play Videos Anymore
The Year Was 1999. We were all saving up bottled water and canning our favorite preserves for the impending apocalypse that would be wrought upon all those who laughed in the face of Y2K!!! In retrospect people were absolute morons for thinking that if a computer couldn't figure out what date it was that all forms of functioning society would break down and we as a society would be doomed.
MTV in 1999 compiled for those who cared (me) a list of the 100 greatest music videos of all time. Now some of those that made the list were obvious. Number one on the list was Thriller by Michael Jackson. There is no need to elaborate on the impact that this video had on pop culture, mtv, music videos, black representation on mtv, and a whole bunch more. That being number one is fine. With any list there will be arguments. The nature of a "Greatest" or "Best Ever" list is that it spurns debate and fun banter. One could argue that Sabotage should be lower than number 7 on the list....or higher!! That said time has been cruel to a some of these choices. There also are a few extremely egregious examples that nearly 10 years removed from this list are head scratchers now and probably were then. So without further adieu I give you my complaints.
According to MTV the sixth greatest music video ever is Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses. First of all this isn't the best music video by Guns N' Roses. This is just them playing the song in a warehouse/empty theater/stage thing. You obviously know I think November Rain rocks but even Welcome to the Jungle at the very least attempts a story arc. A young impressionable farm boy with that is played by Axl comes to the big bad city with a grain of wheat in his mouth. By the end of the video Axl has been transformed into a badass with teased up hair. Both of these videos make the list Jungle at 26 and November at a respectable 45. All said and done I think Sweet Child should not even be on the list.
Janie's Got a Gun is at 48 and quite frankly this is an insult. It should easily be in the top 20. Directed by one David Fincher the video would be a lock for my top 10 greatest videos of all time if it didn't have Steven Tyler rhythmically crawling and humping the ground at one point. The song itself deals with incest/rape/murder/revenge and the video is cinematic nearly to a fault. One shot in particular of the titular Janie lowering the revolver in a ready to fire sequence. Click Here To See the Video. Fincher makes the list again at Number 49 with Paula Abdul's 'Straight Up' which is a song I have already mentioned I actually like. The song also for whatever reason makes me get nostalgic for some early 90's period where I was probably walking around in the mall with my mom.
The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly) by Missy Elliot is at number 15. Really? 15? After rewatching the video the most interesting thing I can say about this is that she wears a hefty bag and it uses a heavy fisheye. This is what is the 15th best video of all time? I barely remembered this song now. Obviously I'm not exactly the biggest Missy Elliot fan but I don't think that to be qualified to comment on the video I should be. Does anyone remember this video now? No. Do people still remember the music video to A-Ha's Take On Me which is only one stop ahead of this? Yes of course they do.
Number 23 is the video for Mo Money Mo Problems. I don't agree with the placement of this video on the list either but at least with this one you could make an argument for the context that this video emerged from. I'm not speaking contextually in light of Biggie Smalls death in 1997 and the proximity to the making of the list. Rather, if historically we were too look back now and make this same list you could argue that the video itself personifies the unique characteristics of a rap video at the time. Over the top sets, a movie like intro, dancing, and lots of mugging for the camera. It should be pointed out that its obvious that Puff Daddy (his namesake at the time) has no dancing ability.
The Boys of Summer by Don Henley is at number 67. A song I genuinely like but video leaves me feeling two distinct emotions. Inspired by French New Wave I applaud its serious attempts at contextualizing the lyrics of Henley's song. It also has a very distinct. That said it almost takes itself too seriously. Henley popping into the screen at the 33 second mark is rather funny too. In the end though I say bump this video way higher up the list. I'd like this video if it was made right now...but the video was made at a time where music video making for the most part was simply showing the band play the song in a concert. This was made in 1984 for god sake! With that in mind the video always reminds me of the entire summer series of episodes in Saved By the Bell where Zack and crew get a job at the Malibu Sands Beach Club. In fact I'm surprised Saved By the Bell and NBC didn't try to rangle the rights to this song to play over the final summer episodes credits.
I'll complain more later.
MTV in 1999 compiled for those who cared (me) a list of the 100 greatest music videos of all time. Now some of those that made the list were obvious. Number one on the list was Thriller by Michael Jackson. There is no need to elaborate on the impact that this video had on pop culture, mtv, music videos, black representation on mtv, and a whole bunch more. That being number one is fine. With any list there will be arguments. The nature of a "Greatest" or "Best Ever" list is that it spurns debate and fun banter. One could argue that Sabotage should be lower than number 7 on the list....or higher!! That said time has been cruel to a some of these choices. There also are a few extremely egregious examples that nearly 10 years removed from this list are head scratchers now and probably were then. So without further adieu I give you my complaints.
According to MTV the sixth greatest music video ever is Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses. First of all this isn't the best music video by Guns N' Roses. This is just them playing the song in a warehouse/empty theater/stage thing. You obviously know I think November Rain rocks but even Welcome to the Jungle at the very least attempts a story arc. A young impressionable farm boy with that is played by Axl comes to the big bad city with a grain of wheat in his mouth. By the end of the video Axl has been transformed into a badass with teased up hair. Both of these videos make the list Jungle at 26 and November at a respectable 45. All said and done I think Sweet Child should not even be on the list.
Janie's Got a Gun is at 48 and quite frankly this is an insult. It should easily be in the top 20. Directed by one David Fincher the video would be a lock for my top 10 greatest videos of all time if it didn't have Steven Tyler rhythmically crawling and humping the ground at one point. The song itself deals with incest/rape/murder/revenge and the video is cinematic nearly to a fault. One shot in particular of the titular Janie lowering the revolver in a ready to fire sequence. Click Here To See the Video. Fincher makes the list again at Number 49 with Paula Abdul's 'Straight Up' which is a song I have already mentioned I actually like. The song also for whatever reason makes me get nostalgic for some early 90's period where I was probably walking around in the mall with my mom.
The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly) by Missy Elliot is at number 15. Really? 15? After rewatching the video the most interesting thing I can say about this is that she wears a hefty bag and it uses a heavy fisheye. This is what is the 15th best video of all time? I barely remembered this song now. Obviously I'm not exactly the biggest Missy Elliot fan but I don't think that to be qualified to comment on the video I should be. Does anyone remember this video now? No. Do people still remember the music video to A-Ha's Take On Me which is only one stop ahead of this? Yes of course they do.
Number 23 is the video for Mo Money Mo Problems. I don't agree with the placement of this video on the list either but at least with this one you could make an argument for the context that this video emerged from. I'm not speaking contextually in light of Biggie Smalls death in 1997 and the proximity to the making of the list. Rather, if historically we were too look back now and make this same list you could argue that the video itself personifies the unique characteristics of a rap video at the time. Over the top sets, a movie like intro, dancing, and lots of mugging for the camera. It should be pointed out that its obvious that Puff Daddy (his namesake at the time) has no dancing ability.
The Boys of Summer by Don Henley is at number 67. A song I genuinely like but video leaves me feeling two distinct emotions. Inspired by French New Wave I applaud its serious attempts at contextualizing the lyrics of Henley's song. It also has a very distinct. That said it almost takes itself too seriously. Henley popping into the screen at the 33 second mark is rather funny too. In the end though I say bump this video way higher up the list. I'd like this video if it was made right now...but the video was made at a time where music video making for the most part was simply showing the band play the song in a concert. This was made in 1984 for god sake! With that in mind the video always reminds me of the entire summer series of episodes in Saved By the Bell where Zack and crew get a job at the Malibu Sands Beach Club. In fact I'm surprised Saved By the Bell and NBC didn't try to rangle the rights to this song to play over the final summer episodes credits.
I'll complain more later.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
November Rain
Better people have articulated in much better ways what I'm about to say but let it be said that November Rain is unironically one of my all time favorite songs. I have to point out my actual legitimate enjoyment of the song because in many ways it is a parody of a song. It's really long, the video was completely over produced, and it has multiple guitar solos.
One thing that always bothers me is when radio stations would only play the song up to the six and a half or so minute mark as the string section of the orchestra is winding down but prior to the (and check video for reference as Stephanie has died and Slash steps atop the piano) awesome conclusion. The conclusion to this epic with the chanting of "Don't You Think That You Need Somebody" over piano and Slash's guitar make it larger than life. This ending is an earned ending. You go through the song for the big payoff. I'm really tempted to have my funeral early so I can dictate that this song plays as my casket leaves the funeral ceremony.
I'm also absolutely shocked that this song has not been used in an over the top action sequence. This would fit perfectly (the last part of the song that is) in some sort of weird hybrid 80's action movie + post 2000 action movie sensibility where you have a guy who is getting revenge on those who raped his wife and left her for dead.
One thing that always bothers me is when radio stations would only play the song up to the six and a half or so minute mark as the string section of the orchestra is winding down but prior to the (and check video for reference as Stephanie has died and Slash steps atop the piano) awesome conclusion. The conclusion to this epic with the chanting of "Don't You Think That You Need Somebody" over piano and Slash's guitar make it larger than life. This ending is an earned ending. You go through the song for the big payoff. I'm really tempted to have my funeral early so I can dictate that this song plays as my casket leaves the funeral ceremony.
I'm also absolutely shocked that this song has not been used in an over the top action sequence. This would fit perfectly (the last part of the song that is) in some sort of weird hybrid 80's action movie + post 2000 action movie sensibility where you have a guy who is getting revenge on those who raped his wife and left her for dead.
Was Probably a Good Idea at One Point
HBO's Real Sex Documentary Series. Yeah, it's late at night and you are bored. You probably were ready to go to bed but then on the channel guide it says "Real Sex." Intrigued you surf over to HBO....you're in luck, its just starting. The advisory thing comes up and it says that this has nudity, adult content, and adult situations. At this point you're probably getting excited. Then it turns out you are watching a 20 minute segment on a 'Swingers Commune' in Northern California where overweight people who look like the woman who is sitting at the table and judges "Best Fruit Preserves" for the Dakota County Fair extol the virtues of having sex at least twice a day with a stranger. Then I vomit and cry myself to sleep only to awaken 2 hours later in a cold sweat. I will run into the shower with my clothes on and wash off the shame with 15 minutes of cold water running over me.
Anyhow.
My grandma always and still refers to her couch as a DAVENPORT. This always confused me because there was a town called Davenport that is located in Iowa. As it turns out Davenport is the name of a company/brand that became so popular that it became a general term for a sofa/couch. Much the way Kleenex is a brand but people will just call a facial tissue a kleenex. No matter the explanation I still find it quaint and awesome. Much like she prefers the use of the word slacks and I believe she preferred the hydrox to the oreo.
Anyhow.
My grandma always and still refers to her couch as a DAVENPORT. This always confused me because there was a town called Davenport that is located in Iowa. As it turns out Davenport is the name of a company/brand that became so popular that it became a general term for a sofa/couch. Much the way Kleenex is a brand but people will just call a facial tissue a kleenex. No matter the explanation I still find it quaint and awesome. Much like she prefers the use of the word slacks and I believe she preferred the hydrox to the oreo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)