Haiku For The Time

This Weather Sucks Ass

Santa Monica Sounds Nice

Who Wants Dippin' Dots

Last Night was Odd

First time ever I went to the bar Ground Zero. It was certainly a new situation as most bars I've been too don't have a show where people can get whipped and or have hot wax dripped on them. To be honest though the bar was pretty decent although the pounding music got a bit old. Either way things could have been worse...my zipper could have been down the whole night.

One thing I never could understand though is the dudes who will start dancing around by themselves and they honestly seem like they're having a lot of fun...either that or they're just way to into it for their own good. I am barely comfortable enough with myself to dance in the first place, but to go solo on the dance floor. There is something admirable about such courage. On the other hand if you suck, you suck so don't do it.

I Can't Stare

I hate staring at people. I try not too but I have a affinity to gaze. People walk by and they have cool shoes or that girl is wearing a weird hat so I start looking at them but if I make the dreaded 'eye contact' all bets are off. I get freaked out because they might think I've been staring at them the entire time when in fact I was just checking out some weird thing I found interesting about them. Its happened before and I feel terrible about it. I want to go up to them and apologize for the stare but I feel bad if I did because then I'd be admitting it in the first place.


The only thing worse than staring is obviously walking around with your fly down. I've managed to do that several times in the last few weeks. God knows how long it was down...how long I let strangers gaze into the darkest regions of my own privacy. Pretty sure last time I rode the bus my fly was down. Even if you were to realize you have an exposed crotch area you are in a predicament. You really can't casually zip up your zipper because its obvious you're fumbling around you crotch. You also don't want to leave it open because it looks stupid and you could be showing off "The Goods." So basically you either ignore it or somehow find a corner to hide in (on the bus) and zip it up all casual like. Or you can walk from the bus to work and then only when you sit down at your job do you realize the zipper has been flapping open for the last 45 minutes.

Lastly, Uptown Theaters midnight movie selection for the next few weeks is fucking pathetic. No one gives a shit about Run Lola Run. That is the movie that everyone uses as an example when they say they watch foreign films. Everyone who takes middle school german gets to watch that movie.

Murderers' Row

Murderers' Row was a nickname given to the 1927 New York Yankees batting lineup. I will not attribute it to the Law & Order lineup of both lawyers and detectives. My favorite lineup is as follows.

Jerry Orbach aka Lennie Briscoe = Babe Ruth
Benjamin Bratt aka Rey Curtis = Earle Combs
Sam Waterson aka Jack McCoy = Lou Gehrig
Angie Harmon aka Abbie Carmichael = Mark Koenig

That is the dream lineup for Law & Order that will never be topped.

More Lazy Blogging

I find this funny because they say boner an excessive amount of times. Its not just "Oops you committed a boner." It's "Boner boner boner."

Captain Planet is Awesome

The episode known as 'Teers in the Hood just opened my eyes to inner city violence and strife. Also I realize how lazy I am by not actually posting stuff just linking to youtube...but who cares. Watch this and laugh.

Belated Valentines

This Week In Life: Review Edition

Time to mix this mother up. Usually I complain about the bus (and jesus christ I could do that some more) but instead I'm going to do a few reviews of things I use in my life and why you should or should not get them yourselves!

First up are those Hefty Stretch Garbage Bags which really fucking rock. Now they can't quite stretch like the commercials show but they can take a lot of garbage. In my opinion the ultimate test is a large pizza box that hasn't been bent at all. Not only do these have sharp corners that would cut up a normal bag, but they are really big so they will stretch the bag out as well. The bags handle these with machismo not seen since Razor Ramon (WWF reference there for those keeping track). Final Grade: A+

Next up is that peanut butter that isn't a heavily processed brand like Jif or anything like that. Its the kind where you have to stir it up because they have that oil that pools at the top. Well as it turns out...this stuff is fucking shit. Normally I'm a snob elitist bastard who likes more expensive premium brands which also usually translates into more "natural." Well in this case I made a grave mistake. Not only do I like the more processed peanut butter, but I find that if I eat the more natural peanut butter I gag and want to kill myself. Final Grade: F

The last thing I'm reviewing today will be the Axe Body wash snake peel shower scrub. This allegedly has Desert Minerals + Cactus Oil. I say allegedly because I don't care if it has a Unicorn's horn ground up into a fine powder and when using the wash tiny nanobots are deployed to microscopically clean my body. I just care if it smells good, it makes me clean, and doesn't give me a rash. The good news is no rash. I found the smell sort of nice, but after finally finishing the bottle that I bought a while ago I have come to the conclusion that this is not the wash for me. Perhaps it is my strong anti-Axe bias but I really fucking hate most of their stuff. Final Grade: C-

Bonus Youtube Video of the Day:

Boyz II Men - Best Band Ever???

To the question posed, I would argue that YES indeed they are the best band ever. Wikipedia informs me that based on sales alone, they are the most successful R&B band of all time.

You also cannot say to my face that in the Boyz II Men song "End of the Road" where the one really deep voiced guy breaks it down saying:

"Girl, I'm here for you, all those times of night when you hurt me and just run out with that other fella, Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care. You just don't understand how much I love you do you? I'm here for you. I"m not out to go out and cheat on your all night. Just like you did baby that's all right, Hey, I love you anyway and I'm still gonna be here for you till my dying day baby. Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby, Cuz you just won't come back to me...WILL you? Just come back to me."

It really doesn't get more awesome than that does it? Honestly I wish I had that voice so I could just be awesome like that. 'MoTown Philly' is the song I want played at my funeral. Thats how fucking awesome they are. COME BACK BOYZ II MEN!!! AMERICA NEEDS YOU!!