Dinner Theater

I kind of wanted to name this one "Honest to Blog" ironically, but then I assumed that there were thousands of people doing this both ironically and unironically. Quite the predicament but I decided not too.

I've always dreamed of opening my own restaurant. One of the ones I would open would be very manly. Every table and chair would be made of blocks of concrete. That way when it was time to clean up I would just hose down the entire place. I would only serve meat. The plates would be made of cross stitched bacon and I would serve steaks and burgers and it would be awesome. I also had plans to build the bathrooms on an elevated platform above the restaurant dining area so when the patrons were doing their business they could look down on everyone. Not sure how I'd do it yet, but I saw on some tv show how they have this running water style fountain thing for urinals...seems cool.

Moving on, I also want to do some sort of guerilla theater dining experience in which the person eating literally takes on the environment and atmosphere that I am trying to present. This would require large amounts of land, money, and actors. They would choose formats. Say a POW escaping a Vietcong prison camp. They would have to dedicate 10 hours for the complete "dining experience." Live gun shots would be going off while they run through knee deep water. They hide in a cave and are quickly fed a sticky riceball.

Think about it people!!! This is the future of dining.

Shot Down in the Blaze of Glory

First of all, fuck the city buses. Yeah I've declared a holy war on them in the past but its getting annoying. As I slowly depend more on city transit to get me around I have come to realize that the time of arrival they list on their schedules is more of a suggestion.

Ten Minutes late....five minutes early....thats how they roll. Also I typically ride the bus for less than 2 miles yet I have somehow managed to find a fucking freakshow of events in just the last few weeks. Seriously, its actually pretty entertaining. I'm going to cancel cable and just ride the bus.


More pressing matters are at hand though. I just went to a place that serves 'Sweet Potato French Fries' and holy shit....they have changed my life. As a side effect I will probably become morbidly obese. Which begs the question, why is being called "morbidly obese" so damn funny? I mean you get to the point where you're not just obese, but morbidly obese! Thanks to Wikipedia I've also discovered "Fat Fetishism, Stuffing, and Feederism." Thanks wikipedia for ruining my night.

I Declare Holy War on Meet the Spartans

A bit of old news but the movie Meet the Spartans was tops at the box office last week. It beat out Rambo...which I saw. That is another story though. Meet The Spartans is so fucking bad I want to vomit furiously and kill everyone involved in it (except Kevin Sorbo...lets face it Hercules was a badass). The movie is bad on so many levels just by watching a preview I know this. I will not link to a preview either because I would get angry just giving that movie any more publicity.

You know its bad because they are making fun of 300 by referring to a 5 year old movie...and uhh, you know, Meet the...uhh...Spartans HAHAHAHAH. WHAT? Also those fuckers who wrote Date Movie and Really Bad Stupid Shit make lots of money off of this. It makes me ill. Good day sir!!!!