In My Dream I Am Dying

Forecasting 2012's Up And Coming Trends:

Bold Prediction 1: Fred Armisen Will play an instrument in 2012

Bold Prediction 2: Women will be asked to lose even more weight to meet the unattainable standards that society sets. And I will continue to agree with these awful sexist standards.

Trend Watch 1: Dubstep will become over exposed by March.

Trend Watch 2: Chicks shaving their heads

Bold Prediction 3: Coneheads is rebooted as a 3D CGI family comedy.

Bold Prediction 4: I will begin writing a status update with very direct references to pornography consumption but then never post it fearing that the few family members who I have friended on facebook will be reading it.

Trend Watch 3: Ironic beards will die out. Ironic really long fingernails are in.

Trend Watch 4: People will begin adamantly insisting that The Simpsons is back to its early years form.

Bold Prediction 5: The Baha Men will make a return to the top of the charts with 'Who Let the Dogs Out II?' in a clear homage to Guns n' Roses Use Your Illusion II record album.

Trend Watch 5: I will be wearing sweat pants more as I continue to get fatter.

Bold Prediction 6: Shannyn Sossamon will finally marry me.