I Sleep In A Basement

And for some irrational reason I'm deeply concerned about Radon poisoning. The way I combat this is to have a fan on at all times...even though in reality this wouldn't do shit if there was actually a high level of radon seeping in.

Ho Ho Ho

This encapsulates the holidays.

What's that song?

I just heard it again and it was in a car insurance commercial for Farmers Insurance. That song? I had to google the lyrics to figure it out.



It's called 'Another Night' by The Real McCoy. Who you ask? The REAL McCoy...a German House band of course. Is there any type of music that came out of Germany in the early 90's that wasn't house music? I think not. And just like any type of fine German engineering this song will last 1000 years. It has the ability to both be indelibly aged and part of a very specific time frame but also sounding amazingly not so aged. Alright I'm lying. Th

I'd like to think it was a toss up between this song and the Haddaway song 'What is Love' for use in the Roxbury/Dudes dancing in Club sketches. Furthermore I can't help but suspect lots of people have had sex to both of these songs. Which is the true sign of how good a song is.

Ugly in New York

First off. There's this:



Great and good. Time for the lightning round.

Kim Jong Il - He died. Given the amount of books I've read about North Korea, the time spent reading/thumbing through think tank speculation papers on the future of Asia, and my interest in that region in general I'd argue I'm probably in the top 10 percent in the United States as far as actually sort of vaguely understanding how North Korea operates and what the future may hold. Yeah I think he was a weird, eccentric, and ultimately awful human being. I also can laugh at all the random (but lets be clear here annoying since there are way too many of them) tumblr/photo sites where Kim Jong Il looks at shit. And god I hope things work out. An immediate collapse of the North Korean government would be awful for a number of reasons but so would some drawn out situation that they are involved in now. The volume of suffering is immense and well pardon me while I not laugh that much at the 48th "Me so ronery" joke. On the other hand its so bizarre that you just can't help but laugh and feel bad all at once.

Kim Kardashian - I don't get it. She did a sex tape. Her dad was friends and somewhat of a legal representative for O.J. Most famously known for reading what at the time sounded like a chilling suicide note. Don't get it twisted. I understand the forces that make her a star. What I don't get is why people think she is amazingly beautiful. Also her sister Khloe looks hideous and in 15 years she'll either be anorexic or gigantic and be fluctuating weight like she's a member of Wilson Philips.

Dubstep - You know its getting big when its in the new GI Joe trailer. Right? GIVE ME THOSE FAT DROPS!

Young Adult - MINNESOTA! Haven't seen it yet. Going tomorrow. Will report.

The Proud Return of Scenes From Films that Make/Have Made at One Point Scott Cry:

First of all this scene isn't even fair. You've got a sad song (with a children chorus which is basically fucking cheating) and you have the fact that this is a true story.



As a stereotypical dude, sports movies are occasionally my weakness. Many verge on the level of bullshit and I don't really get choked up. But you need no context (and this scene is scientifically backed as a scene that will cause people to lose it) for a scene like this. Did I mention it has a kid in it? Not fair. It won't let me embed it but I warn you. Only the coldest human could avoid crying. And you don't need context on this because the movie really isn't that great.

Click if You Dare

Slightly more violent and not for the squeamish but Giovanni Ribisi's death scene in Saving Private Ryan is a real classic punch to the gut.




LATE BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: HERE IS A FUNNY TUMBLR OF KIM JONG IL DROPPING THE BASS.


http://kimjongildroppingthebass.tumblr.com/

MUSIC

There is NO DOUBT that 'Don't Speak' is a good song. See what I did there?

Maybe I told this story before. Maybe I didn't. The first CD's I ever bought were from Columbia House/Columbia House Record Club. For those who don't remember this, it was a mail order program that was often found in magazines that would offer you something like 7 CD's for a cent each or free. You were then obligated to buy something like two or three CD's over the next year as part of this promotion.

The funny thing was that I didn't have a job. I was approximately ten years old. I don't know why the hell my mom let me do this. I probably lied to her. I don't remember every CD I ordered but I definitely got No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom and did it ever rock my world. I'm pretty sure I also ordered the Quad City DJ's album 'Get on Up and Dance' solely for the song C'mon N' Ride It (The Train). Not my finest moment. Anyhow. I remember getting notices in the mail that I owed money or something like that and it freaked me the fuck out. I thought the police would come or something to arrest me. Perhaps I'm inventing things here but I swear I remember getting collections letters for a year or two after this saying I owed 20 dollars or something but then they stopped. Maybe they figured out I was 12 and they were boned. Either way, I got the CD's for free and life was good.

If I was asked to order my top 3 songs off that album they would go like this.

1. Don't Speak - Eminently listenable. If you could erase the worlds memory of this song and then re-release it to a fresh audience I'm convinced this song would still chart well. I'm sure millions of people have listened to this on repeat after some horrible breakup too. HUSH HUSH DARLING



2. Sunday Morning - A fun song. High energy. The secret gem of the album. Not much to say other than its my personal preference for ranking this that high. I've probably listened to this song off the album the most. Reminds me of Southern California.



3. Just a Girl - Despite the fact that I've never been able to sing this song aloud because I would look like a weirdo (I'm just a girl, just look at me, not your typical prototype) I think its probably the second most important song to come off the album. Not only does this establish firmly that Gwen Stefani is the new front(wo)man but that she is getting a lot of personal things off her chest and addressing the "HATERS."



I've never seen them live. Also one time she licked Moby's head.

Home Alone 2: The Lost Files

In the film Home Alone, our hero Kevin McCallister is an eight year old boy in suburban Chicago who gets left behind by his family as they fly to Paris to celebrate Christmas with one of Kevin's uncles. Hijinks as well as tough lessons about family are learned and we all come out as better people. Everyone except the 'Wet Bandits' played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. They end up in jail.

Guess what? The following year they decide that they are going to go to Florida to celebrate this Christmas. I'm sure that in the imaginary scenario following the first Home Alone debacle there were a lot of stupid in-jokes with the McCallister family. Perhaps a day after Christmas the family was going to go out to dinner. "BUT DON'T FORGET KEVIN" would say someone...and we'd all have a good old laugh. But as the months wore on the joke would wear thin. Until it was forgotten. Probably around August. But as Christmas slowly snuck back up on the McCallister's the jokes would come back. And now we're back to the night before the trip. Why this family (and extended family as there are many cousins and uncles involved) has to go travel another place the following year? I guess they just like playing with fate.

There is the playful self awareness as the two parents played by Catherine O'Hara and John Heard scream, "WE DID IT AGAIN" *CUE MONTAGE*

Anyhow Kevin isn't left behind perse, but rather boards the wrong plane due to a series of miscommunications and coincidences. Such as Kevin's dad and a random dude with similar build and hair color happen to be wearing the same coat. HOW WACKY. Upon the realization when Kevin hits the ground that he is alone and his family is in Florida he is overwhelmed, not with anxiety, but with glee! Which is surprising. The year is presumably 1992 (the year of the films release) and New York City is not gripped with crime, but the crime rates have not yet plummeted. Unemployment was at 11.2 percent in New York City and as far as what I could find on a cursory glance there were over 2300 murders, over 5000 rapes, and over 108,000 robberies. To put that in perspective the murder rate in New York City has not been over 1000 since 1998. Aggressive anti-crime initiatives enacted by Rudy Giuliani would not occur until his mayoral election and entering office in 1994. Things like CompStat, aggressive beat patrols, and a crackdown on petty offenses had not yet occurred. I'm not saying Kevin should be terrified, but if he knew the stats, 9/10 year old kid walking around with his dads credit card, cash, and a hot toy (The Talk Boy) shouldn't be giddy either. The least of his worries should be a old woman central park drifter who seems to have an affinity for birds.

He does some of the typical sight seeing all evidently in a days time. Presuming they left the airport from Chicago and flew directly in to New York he packs in a lot in a single day. Oddly he's shown taking the Brooklyn Bridge in to Manhattan and yet it is likely judging by the brief shot I pulled off youtube he has likely landed in LaGuardia. He's probably taking the subway but in a small montage he is seen both at Radio City Music Hall and then on the top of the World Trade Center. Right. So he checks in to the 'Plaza Hotel' in a baller suite. I'd have to guess the rate for his room on the low end would still have to start at something like 900 dollars a night. And as far as I can tell he only spends one night in the hotel by himself. The 23rd. The showdown in Central Park with the wet bandits occurs the 24th and that same night he meets his mom and reunites with his family. The entire family is now in New York and now in a newer bigger suite. Did they get comped? Who is to say. Perhaps because of the fuck up by the hotel they want to just comp them since they did let some little kid sweet talk his way through using his fathers credit card and what not.

Regardless, allow me to get to my main point of this entire post. The film ends with Kevin's father yelling from the hotel to the city at large angrily declaring that Kevin has spent 967 dollars in room service. That in it of itself is shocking given the fact that Kevin effectively had one and a half days to rack up that bill and even at the insane rates that a nice hotel would charge for room service, I do feel some incredulous. None the less, he should be more concerned with how he is going to pay for the room. And if not the room, the the fact that this entire family is likely flying on his bill. 967 dollars in the big picture is very little given that the house they live in has (IN REAL LIFE) recently hit the market for a tune of 2.4 million or something like that in Chicago. I'd have to assume they're doing well. Who knows. I have too many questions.

In Conclusion, Kevin should have been murdered in New York.

Back to Back

Normally I would save this. But I just had my mind motoring.

'Bitch' - Meredith Brooks

Could this song be the least likely hit of the entire 90's? There was a lot of crazy music coming out in the early 90's as the transition from poppy synth new wave and hair metal and...wait, yeah that's bullshit. I do think the story is becoming lazier as time goes on. It simply goes that the excess of the 80's and extravagance of it all in the realm of say hair metal became too much and was in a single moment RIPPED APART WITH A SIMPLE RIFF THAT USHERED IN AN ERA OF FLANNEL AND SELF INTROSPECTION. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT TORE DOWN THE WALLS OF INCONSEQUENTIAL FUN LIKE 'CHERRY PIE.' Except it didn't really.

I digress. 'Bitch' hit number 1 on the Billboard Mainstream Top 40. Was number 2 on the Hot 100. It was shockingly successful. I think this song came out at exactly the right time. It's funny to think but if you look at what pop culture (musicians, network tv, entertainment in general) is allowed to get away with its pretty shocking. Even compared to 10 or 12 years ago. And while there are going to be plenty of people who suggest this ever loosening belt of morals is bad news, I will politely disagree. Anyhow, the year is 1997. I do feel that bitch being uttered in a song was still kind of controversial. It's a bad word! You can't say that. The fact that it managed to acquire major mainstream success is quite interesting. Even though the word bitch is only used 4 times in the whole song.

The late 90's was a confusing place. On the mainstream top 40 list 'Bitch' was preceded by MMMbop and Succeeded by another one hit wonder with a really fucked up song. That song was 'How Bizarre' by OMC. There is no doubt in my mind if 'Bitch' were to have come out in the early 90's it probably gets cut from her album as the label was considering. It also doesn't get mainstream airplay. It's almost hilarious to think that in the early 90's my mom was worried about me watching Beavis and Butthead and people thought The Simpsons was destroying and decaying family morals. If they could have seen South Park or basically anything on the internet they would have died of shock.

One thing about 'Bitch' that might also get overlooked is that the video is really fucking weird. No doubt the song is catchy. Nice guitar strong guitar riff kicks the song off and announces that this lady has attitude. Though as the lyrics note she is an angel underneath and has a softer side....or maybe a little bit of everything all rolled in to one. Yeah. Lots of floral patterns in this video. Shockingly a look in to the future as ladies really enjoy the flowery sun dresses...or at least they did six months ago (i think).

I guess I was wrong. This is not the least likely hit of the 90's. It's catchy. It's got an edge. And people like swearing. She did go to Lilith Fair though. I'm sure there was a portion of that audience who liked the song and then used it almost as an empowerment song. YEAH WE'RE BITCHES, DEAL! Which is fine. I was wrong. This song isn't that crazy....now OMC - HOW BIZARRE....

OH SNOW YOU DIDN'T!

Get it? It's snowing right now.



Grantland had a 'Worst Toys of the 80's List' that was shockingly short but also wrong! Which is not to say I disagree. It is worth noting that the commercial they have embedded on their page is definitely from the 90's. Though as far as I'm aware Crossfire the game had been around since the 70's and perhaps they never had a commercial for it in the 80's.

Story Here: http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/38331/youtube-hall-of-fame-the-worst-toys-of-the-80s

The list for the lazy was Simon, Etch A Sketch Animator, Crossfire, Pogo Bal, and Teddy Ruxpin.

I did have a Teddy Ruxpin but I only remember this because I distinctly remember having it around. But I don't remember much beyond the fact that at the point I can remember I think I had lost all the cassette tapes for it so it couldn't read me shit. I do remember having a educational (maybe?) toy that connected to the television but for whatever reason I believe I had to get rid of it because it was messing up the television. Thank god I ended up getting a Nintendo.

I'm so out of the damn loop because I don't have kids, but do kids these days even play with cars or things like Micro Machines? Conceptually micro machines are stupid and awful. To put it plainly, they are cheaper smaller versions of die cast cars. They are made of plastic. And since they're so small they will get lost easier. I was obsessed with these. I loved the military ones. I also recall getting a small drum set from my uncle when I was about four or five. Twenty some odd years later I regret not getting in to drums at the time or even taking lessons. I could be a world famous drummer traveling the world, drinking myself in to oblivion, and setting myself up for a run on Celebrity Rehab already. I blew it.