The Running Man - Live Blogging Edition

Back in February I live blogged myself watching the Tom Hanks movie Big. This time around I thought I'd get a bit more ambitious. I'm going to live blog The Running Man. Starring none other than the governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. For those who don't know, the Running Man takes place in the "future." The year is 2017. Convicted criminals are put into a television show where they must run from "stalkers." These 'stalkers' are men who hunt down the criminals and kill them. The rub is that if the criminal can escape the stalkers and make it to the end they win their freedom....except as revealed later no one actually wins and the supposed winners are always just killed. The one thing they didn't expect was BEN RICHARDS (Arnold). I'm going to kind of just outline the plot so when I start watching the movie I can just be off the cuff a bit more. Arnold is a helicopter pilot who is patrolling some refugee camp and they are rioting. He has orders to shoot them but as he points out "THEY JUST WANT FOOD GODDAMNIT!" He gets thrown into some sort of labor camp where he then escapes only to get caught again. He is now on the tv show and is chased but he starts kicking major ass. Ultimately he really fucks up everything by exposing the corruption of the television show (evidently its cool to murder people on live television as long as they can legitimately win their way to freedom but when its found out to be a ruse people are SHOCKED!!). Anyways here we go!!!

2:12 - "ALL THEY WANT IS FOOD FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"


5:02 - Evidently in the future in the 'Wilshire Detention Zone' people have been put in to primitive hard labor camps that include both working in some sort of steel mill but also just breaking up rocks and what not. Looks pretty awesome. This is a lot more depressing than the 2015 future that I was promised in Back to the Future Part 2. No hoverboards for one. The Los Angeles Skyline looks pretty damn crazy for being a horrific terrible future as well. Pretty Blade Runner esque there.




17:10 - Captain Freedom's workout. Captain Freedom is played by Jesse Ventura. I'm sure when we were on set of the movie everyone was thinking "I bet we'll have two future governors working on this movie." Also realized I didn't say shit for the last 10 minutes...and to be honest there isn't as much to comment about as I thought there would be. I guess I'm a bit too in to this movie. I mean it would be easy to make some wise crack about how shitty it is but honestly, the movie isn't that compelling until Arnold gets thrown in to the "game." I'm going to fastforward a bit but I will take a few fun screenshots.


28:40 - Ben Richards is captured after trying to escape in the airport with his hostage. She is safe at home watching tv when the news report gets shown. In the news report they LIE!!!! They say he killed the ticket booth agent among many others when in fact he did not. Damn the liberal media...even in the future they are lying!!



38:00 - They now also have a video introducing Ben Richards to the viewers at home. They show how he was responsible for the 'Bakersfield Massacre' in which he actually refused to kill people. In the clips they show though they use the exact clips we saw that was the intro to the movie....which is obviously impossible. Thats actually a pet peeve of mine.


45:00 - Okay now the movie is getting good. The guys run in to their first stalker. This one is 'Sub-Zero'. Not the Mortal Kombat Sub zero. Instead this is an overweight asian hockey goalie sub zero who uses explosive hockey pucks and a sharp sword like goalie stick.

48:02 - Luckily Arnold is smart and uses his environment to his advantage. In this case that would be some razor wire that was on the top of a fence. He takes it and wraps it around Sub-Zeros neck and basically partially decapitates him with it/slits his throat.

48:38 - What we get next is arguably the greatest line performed in Cinema in the last 50 years.

"HERE IS SUB-ZERO.....NOW, PLAIN ZERO!!!"


I really want to know how in the hell that line makes any sense....at all? Sub Zero to Plain Zero...doesn't make sense. The way arnold performs it too...a lot of pathos. Good times. Click Here Since I can't Embed to Watch the Sub-Zero death scene and "Plain Zero" line.


51:02 - Our Next Stalker is introduced. Buzzsaw!!!!!! Get it...he has a chainsaw. Yes very clever. Buzzsaw...NOW PLAIN SAW!!!



51:35 - Two for Stalker update. Dynamo is also unleashed to hunt down Richards and Co. Dynamo's gimmick? He shoots lightning, has LED's all over his fat body, and loves to sing opera. I'm not joking. If you haven't seen this movie please go buy it right now.


1:01:16 - Buzzsaw after being ejected from his motorcycle gets in a bit of hand to hand with Arnold/Richards. Needless to say Richards overpowers Buzzsaw and forces the chainsaw up into his crotch resulting in this:



Classy Movie.

1:03:45 - I've neglected to mention a few subplots but that is basically because they suck and I'm lazy. The woman Richards kidnaps and tries to escape with at the beginning actually works for the TV network. She finds out that Richards has been framed and tries to get some evidence. She is caught and gets thrown in to the 'game' as well. Also the nerdy guy who is in the work camp is in this too along with the black guy that was with Richards as well. The nerdy guy JUST got friend by Dynamo and the black guy got really hurt by Buzzsaw.

1:04-25 - Did I mention Dynamo rides around in this mini Go-Kart and sings opera at the same time?? As it turns out Dynamo's go karts one weakness is slight hills as he quickly topples over and Richards looks like he is about to kill him. Instead he refuses and points out that he isn't going to kill a helpless man like the "sadistic scum" watching want him to!!! Take that!!!

1:09:52 - Fireball is introduced. If you couldn't guess, he shoots fire.


1:16:24 - You can tell they got lazy with this one. Fireball is lured in to a trap and his gas line on the flamethrower gets broken by Richards. You know this because Fireball repeatedly yells, "AHHH MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE MY GAS LINE!!!!" Richards lights his flare and says, "How about a light?" HAHAHAHAH Get it? LIGHT!!! Like a cigarette except this time instead of lighting a smooth delicious cigarette and entering flavor country he enters an explosive fireball of death!! This should just be an anti-smoking advertisement.


1:17:12 - Captain Freedom is being recruited to go in after Richards but refuses since evidently the game of stalking has been corrupted and become too gimicky. Hence this shitty looking armor. "This is a sport of death and honor!!" declares Captain Freedom!


1:20:16 - After Captain Freedom's refusal to enter, through hilariously trite explanations the network decides to use what they claim to be modern computer graphics to overlay Richards on to an old video of some other guy dying. Thus the public is to never know what really happened and everyone thinks richards gets killed....but ohhh you just wait!!! Richards has also found the underground network of people trying to expose the truth. Earlier in the movie the super nerdy dude found the satellite uplink codes so they can hijack the signal and unleash the truth!!

This explanation I just made actually makes it sound like this movie has a legitimate plot of some sorts. It doesn't. Here is a shot of Richard's supposed death.



1:34:15 - Richards comes in, kills a few dudes, takes over and puts through the rogue signal exposing the legitimately evil ways that people were being killed with the crowd aghast!! Actually its fucking dumb because they're evidently okay with hunting down convicted criminals on television for sport/entertainment but they aren't okay with it once they found out that some of these criminals are wrongfully accused/don't actually get to win their freedom. By the way Richards kills the host of the show who throughout the movie was proven to be an asshole.

It ends with a touching song and a kiss.


I'll be the first to admit I got lazy with this one. I was enjoying watching the movie a bit too much and didn't have as much to say as I thought I would. I just hope you like the pictures.

P.S. If you're a Arnold newbie I suggest a crash course in a few movies to get up to speed in why I love this guy so much. You can watch these in any order but I would highly suggest you watch these immediately. Commando, Total Recall, The Running Man, Kindergarten Cop, and Batman & Robin.

P.S.S.

I just found this Youtube video of a few of the best "lines" from The Running Man. Watch and enjoy.