Sunday, May 31, 2009
Back to the Future Thrillogy
Last night I sat in a movie theater to watch consecutive Back to the Future's for around six hours straight. It was pretty awesome. Watching them on the big screen something became painfully obvious though. The first entry in this trilogy is clearly the best by a long shot. I always used to fanatically love Back to the Future Part II but when watching them back to back to back the first one is just so much better in every way. Also, as someone who never thought Lea Thompson was hot, on the big screen something clicked and I definitely found myself thinking, "Damn, she is a lot hotter now than when watching on television."
It was a religious experience to say the least.
Secondary Thoughts Update:
There are a few unsettling sequences in Back to the Future 1. Biff is in the process of committing assault numerous times and nothing happens. Then at one point when Marty aka Calvin Klein is skateboarding through downtown Hill Valley as Biff and his goons chase him in his car he cuts through the lawn with his car in front of the Clock Tower building which I believe is the government center as well...he then at one point has Marty holding on to the front of his car and utters the words, "I'm going to ram him." Meaning he will use his car as a battering ram with Marty on the front of it as he drives into a truck. HE WAS TRYING TO KILL SOMEONE!!!
He also gets drunk at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance and proceeds to attempt to rape Lorraine. Biff was a goddamn degenerate and needed to be behind bars. Luckily in the new 1985 (not the one where Biff controls everything but the one following the occurences of the first film) Biff is the McFly's slave!
It was a religious experience to say the least.
Secondary Thoughts Update:
There are a few unsettling sequences in Back to the Future 1. Biff is in the process of committing assault numerous times and nothing happens. Then at one point when Marty aka Calvin Klein is skateboarding through downtown Hill Valley as Biff and his goons chase him in his car he cuts through the lawn with his car in front of the Clock Tower building which I believe is the government center as well...he then at one point has Marty holding on to the front of his car and utters the words, "I'm going to ram him." Meaning he will use his car as a battering ram with Marty on the front of it as he drives into a truck. HE WAS TRYING TO KILL SOMEONE!!!
He also gets drunk at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance and proceeds to attempt to rape Lorraine. Biff was a goddamn degenerate and needed to be behind bars. Luckily in the new 1985 (not the one where Biff controls everything but the one following the occurences of the first film) Biff is the McFly's slave!
Friday, May 29, 2009
I Want To Be Made
AKA: I want to watch this episode of MADE so I can feel better about my own minor achievements in the world. Lucky for me MTV has put up a ton of episodes online of some of their finer programming (The Hills, True Life, Made) so I now have more fun things to watch and waste time with.
MADE, if you did not know was a show where a teenager (usually around Junior or Senior in High School) requests to the gods at MTV to be made into something else. What you end up getting is the opposite spectrum changes for most of those involved. Fat Kid Becomes Football Star, Girly Girl Becomes Skateboarder, Nerdy Girl becomes Prom Queen. Completely formulaic, trite, and sometimes insulting....yet oddly entertaining. The best parts are when their "MADE" coach clearly doesn't give a shit about helping the person because said person has completely given up. Often tears are shed.
I want MADE for adults. And by adults I don't mean the 47 year old mother of two in River Falls, Wisconsin who thinks she could be the next Roseanne. I am essentially asking for short term wish fulfillment for able bodied citizens in their early thirties or so. Let me put it this way. I'm a lazy lump of shit most of the time, but if I could have a person trainer (Preferably an angry ex-Vietnam Veteran) who woke me up at 6am and threatened me with bodily harm if I ate that ice cream cone then I think I could get in pretty good shape and or become good at some sport. This would all lead up to me trying out for some really shitty low league Amateur baseball team or something. I just need to someone to pay me for 6 months while I do all this. I think this show would rock. Its Made + Extreme Makeover Home Edition - The Home!!!
MADE, if you did not know was a show where a teenager (usually around Junior or Senior in High School) requests to the gods at MTV to be made into something else. What you end up getting is the opposite spectrum changes for most of those involved. Fat Kid Becomes Football Star, Girly Girl Becomes Skateboarder, Nerdy Girl becomes Prom Queen. Completely formulaic, trite, and sometimes insulting....yet oddly entertaining. The best parts are when their "MADE" coach clearly doesn't give a shit about helping the person because said person has completely given up. Often tears are shed.
I want MADE for adults. And by adults I don't mean the 47 year old mother of two in River Falls, Wisconsin who thinks she could be the next Roseanne. I am essentially asking for short term wish fulfillment for able bodied citizens in their early thirties or so. Let me put it this way. I'm a lazy lump of shit most of the time, but if I could have a person trainer (Preferably an angry ex-Vietnam Veteran) who woke me up at 6am and threatened me with bodily harm if I ate that ice cream cone then I think I could get in pretty good shape and or become good at some sport. This would all lead up to me trying out for some really shitty low league Amateur baseball team or something. I just need to someone to pay me for 6 months while I do all this. I think this show would rock. Its Made + Extreme Makeover Home Edition - The Home!!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Innocence Shattered
The year was 1998. I was still a young impressionable youth...a stranger to the world and its many wonders. I had barely gotten over the terrible tragedy of Princess Diana passing away months into 1997 when my world was torn asunder in early 1998. His name was Michael Portnoy. Words like revolutionary, anarchist, outcast....and maybe, just maybe...HERO. His Christian name is Michael Portnoy but you may remember him as SOY BOMB.
Let me be completely clear. Soy Bomb changed my life. At the time I was into hard drugs, I weighed 332 pounds, and I was an alcoholic. Post Soy Bomb (Or as I call it, Year Zero) I lost weight and that terrible rash was gone!
I really feel that if Soy Bomb had occured in 2007, not only would it be a YouTube top 10 hit, but you would have literally thousands of goofy soy bomb impersonations in every possible situation, but you would have everything from 'Leave Soy Bomb Alone' to t-shirts that say 'More Soy Bomb'. Its a shame that Soy Bomb could not have occured when media was much more eager to eat it up. You claim to be an artist or something Michael but there is no escaping your past. I eagerly await the return of Soy Bomb in 2009.
Let me be completely clear. Soy Bomb changed my life. At the time I was into hard drugs, I weighed 332 pounds, and I was an alcoholic. Post Soy Bomb (Or as I call it, Year Zero) I lost weight and that terrible rash was gone!
I really feel that if Soy Bomb had occured in 2007, not only would it be a YouTube top 10 hit, but you would have literally thousands of goofy soy bomb impersonations in every possible situation, but you would have everything from 'Leave Soy Bomb Alone' to t-shirts that say 'More Soy Bomb'. Its a shame that Soy Bomb could not have occured when media was much more eager to eat it up. You claim to be an artist or something Michael but there is no escaping your past. I eagerly await the return of Soy Bomb in 2009.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Pocket Ass
Waiting for the bus to go home from work I went to throw away a piece of gum into the garbage. This was in the garbage. Someone had a more exciting bus ride home then I did.
Cane Sugar Is The New Black
The market for "higher end" Root Beers has taken off since I started caring about Root Beer quality. Walk into any grocery store and you'll see the standard A&W, Barq's, and maybe even Mug Root Beer. Walk a bit further down that same aisle and you get glass bottles filled with more prestigious root beer. I'm talking 4 bottles for 5 dollars pricing scales. Its pretty much bullshit but I still buy them. I have to admit, they taste way better than your typical Barq's but I sometimes question how much the cane sugar has to do with it all.
People lately have been really anti-High Fructose Corn Syrup and part of me feels that its true. Cane Sugar coke is pretty damn good and even Pepsi Co. has gotten into the act with "THROW BACK" Dew and Pepsi. Even if its all in my head/marketing bullshit I am totally on the band wagon of hating High Fructose Corn Syrup and loving Cane Sugar beverages.
But who really wants to hear about what I like or dislike when I could be writing about shameful and or embarassing situations I put myself through in my daily life!! Like how about the racist old lady who came into the bank the other day and demanded clean dollar bills and out of no where declares that "its all the filthy people coming across the border who are ruining this country!" Yeah!!! Someone get me a new job away from the hell that is the bank.
While we're on about life situations (don't worry, this isn't a post about poop) I was leaving for work the other morning and I go to flush the toilet right before I'm stepping out. Now I should note the only thing in the toilet at the time was some toilet paper from when I blew my nose. I flush and this toilet is about 20 years old, uses 12 gallons of water, and still if you dropped a raisin in there it could clog and guess what...it fucking clogs. So i'm thinking, who cares I'll fix it when I get home from work......but then water starts leaking from the base of the toilet. For home improvement nuts, this is indicitave of something bad. The water forcing itself out of the base of the toilet means that likely the wax ring that makes a connection on the toilet is eroded and or there are bigger plumbing issues going on.
My rhetorical question/statement here though is that I think there is very few things that create as much panic as when a toilet is overflowing/leaking water. For one, the water is likely gross and tainted with your own waste. The thing about it too is that its usually water just rising up and it happens slow enough for you to think for a few seconds about nothing what so ever other than "HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!" It scared me. I could only throw down towels and then pray the water stopped. Panic ensued and I had to call in to work to tell them I was going to be late due to a "plumbing emergency." Funny times.
Overrated This Week:
-The Celtics
-Obama's Jokes
-Crab Cakes
Undertated This Week:
-Interstate Love Song (This song is that good)
-Shannyn Sossamon (Always Underrated)
-The Chicago Blackhawks
People lately have been really anti-High Fructose Corn Syrup and part of me feels that its true. Cane Sugar coke is pretty damn good and even Pepsi Co. has gotten into the act with "THROW BACK" Dew and Pepsi. Even if its all in my head/marketing bullshit I am totally on the band wagon of hating High Fructose Corn Syrup and loving Cane Sugar beverages.
But who really wants to hear about what I like or dislike when I could be writing about shameful and or embarassing situations I put myself through in my daily life!! Like how about the racist old lady who came into the bank the other day and demanded clean dollar bills and out of no where declares that "its all the filthy people coming across the border who are ruining this country!" Yeah!!! Someone get me a new job away from the hell that is the bank.
While we're on about life situations (don't worry, this isn't a post about poop) I was leaving for work the other morning and I go to flush the toilet right before I'm stepping out. Now I should note the only thing in the toilet at the time was some toilet paper from when I blew my nose. I flush and this toilet is about 20 years old, uses 12 gallons of water, and still if you dropped a raisin in there it could clog and guess what...it fucking clogs. So i'm thinking, who cares I'll fix it when I get home from work......but then water starts leaking from the base of the toilet. For home improvement nuts, this is indicitave of something bad. The water forcing itself out of the base of the toilet means that likely the wax ring that makes a connection on the toilet is eroded and or there are bigger plumbing issues going on.
My rhetorical question/statement here though is that I think there is very few things that create as much panic as when a toilet is overflowing/leaking water. For one, the water is likely gross and tainted with your own waste. The thing about it too is that its usually water just rising up and it happens slow enough for you to think for a few seconds about nothing what so ever other than "HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!" It scared me. I could only throw down towels and then pray the water stopped. Panic ensued and I had to call in to work to tell them I was going to be late due to a "plumbing emergency." Funny times.
Overrated This Week:
-The Celtics
-Obama's Jokes
-Crab Cakes
Undertated This Week:
-Interstate Love Song (This song is that good)
-Shannyn Sossamon (Always Underrated)
-The Chicago Blackhawks
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Scott's Reasons Why Not
Delivery Charges: I'm ordering a pizza from you. I am going to tip you and yet you charge me a delivery fee. That is fucking bullshit. I think maybe if I was really out of the way but I'm only really a few miles away. It's only my own personal sloth that forces me to order the pizza for delivery as opposed to pick up...still, fuck delivery charges.
Fat People: Look, I get that there are body shapes of all sizes. I'm no skinny spring chicken here. That said, when you have to wear size 60 pants (Note: I am talking specifically about the really fat guy on the bus I see) at least have some goddamn dignity. I mean, you're wearing sweat pants, a shirt that does not fit right and cover your overhanging belly, and you are asleep on the bus snoring you are really just holding a giant sign that is lit up with a big Neon Pink sign that says "I'm a fat fucking slob please hate me." You're asleep on a bus....which by the way if you've ever taken LA Metro transit you know that these drivers are driving like there is a pack of angry hornets chasing them and ready to sting their pupils and the buses are generally noisy and very unsmooth rides you get the idea that this fat dude really can sleep through anything.
Fat People: Look, I get that there are body shapes of all sizes. I'm no skinny spring chicken here. That said, when you have to wear size 60 pants (Note: I am talking specifically about the really fat guy on the bus I see) at least have some goddamn dignity. I mean, you're wearing sweat pants, a shirt that does not fit right and cover your overhanging belly, and you are asleep on the bus snoring you are really just holding a giant sign that is lit up with a big Neon Pink sign that says "I'm a fat fucking slob please hate me." You're asleep on a bus....which by the way if you've ever taken LA Metro transit you know that these drivers are driving like there is a pack of angry hornets chasing them and ready to sting their pupils and the buses are generally noisy and very unsmooth rides you get the idea that this fat dude really can sleep through anything.
Friday, May 08, 2009
This Sucked
Last post was a joke, much like 911. Also I have been making that joke a long time but every since September 11th that joke isn't funny anymore. I am referring to Public Enemies song off of the album 'Fear of a Black Planet.' The song "9-1-1 is a Joke" is a stinging critique of slow response times by police but of course when I say 911 is a joke everyone thinks I'm making a joke about the worst attack in history on American soil.
This leads me to my next point....which I might have already pointed out many years ago and even written about. I really hate it when publications that typically don't cover rap at all either retrospectively review a "classic" rap/hip-hop album and hail its genius/ground breaking nature when the first time around they didn't give a fuck or when a publication that does not give a shit about rap/hip-hop reviews such an album and again hails it as amazing. There is nothing wrong with liking any particular genre of music but...okay lets just drop the false pretenses. I'm pissed at Pitchfork Media again. I go there to get riled up by reading their obnoxious reviews. Their top albums of 2008 are a who's who of indie rockers and artists you think you pretend to have heard of and smashed in between at number 11 is Lil' Wayne. Look, I get that you can like any types of music you want. I am that person who is a music atheist...I like whatever the fuck I like. Still, I find it hard to believe that artists like Frightened Rabbit (Never heard of them) to Cut Copy (no clue who they are) to Hercules and Love Affair (Either I'm completely uncool or just a moron because I don't know who those dudes are either) to Crystal Castles (Never Heard of them either) we have Lil Wayne which all the writers on that site evidently love as well. It smacks false to me. And now I'm just one of the haters but fuck it, I hate them.
And while I'm talking about music, there is nothing worse than the goddamn music snob. At least with literature and film and hell, even videogames there are certain benchmarks of achievement to which a extremely large proportion of the population of both the general populous and the more "elite" and critical audience converge and agree on things. Only music rewards the consumer for finding the more obscure, the rare, and the early find. Music also has the distinction of being the most prone to death by popularity. When an artist either becomes to popular or is deemed to mainstream it is then quickly discarded. Its also the only medium that I can think of where making too much money can actually be a reason to dislike said song/band/whatever.
With sports there is a beautiful simplicity. There are winners, there are losers, and there are stats. There is room for debate but there are at least quantifiable statistics to point to. Michael Jordan won this many titles, Wayne Gretzky has this many assists, and Earl Campbell ran this many yards. If you're debating the merits of a musical artist even if you point to a ringing endorsement of a number of reviews one can shrug this off with a phrase like "They were underappreciated at the time and critics didn't understand the music." While this could be legitimately true, its still annoying. This is why I propose we ban all music under Rule Number 20081: Footloose Rule of 1984 - In Which Dancing and Rock Music are banned.
Two things to wrap this all up: YOU CAN BUY MOTHER FUCKING 70" WAIST PANTS IF YOU CLICK HERE!!!!
And Nature at its Best:
This leads me to my next point....which I might have already pointed out many years ago and even written about. I really hate it when publications that typically don't cover rap at all either retrospectively review a "classic" rap/hip-hop album and hail its genius/ground breaking nature when the first time around they didn't give a fuck or when a publication that does not give a shit about rap/hip-hop reviews such an album and again hails it as amazing. There is nothing wrong with liking any particular genre of music but...okay lets just drop the false pretenses. I'm pissed at Pitchfork Media again. I go there to get riled up by reading their obnoxious reviews. Their top albums of 2008 are a who's who of indie rockers and artists you think you pretend to have heard of and smashed in between at number 11 is Lil' Wayne. Look, I get that you can like any types of music you want. I am that person who is a music atheist...I like whatever the fuck I like. Still, I find it hard to believe that artists like Frightened Rabbit (Never heard of them) to Cut Copy (no clue who they are) to Hercules and Love Affair (Either I'm completely uncool or just a moron because I don't know who those dudes are either) to Crystal Castles (Never Heard of them either) we have Lil Wayne which all the writers on that site evidently love as well. It smacks false to me. And now I'm just one of the haters but fuck it, I hate them.
And while I'm talking about music, there is nothing worse than the goddamn music snob. At least with literature and film and hell, even videogames there are certain benchmarks of achievement to which a extremely large proportion of the population of both the general populous and the more "elite" and critical audience converge and agree on things. Only music rewards the consumer for finding the more obscure, the rare, and the early find. Music also has the distinction of being the most prone to death by popularity. When an artist either becomes to popular or is deemed to mainstream it is then quickly discarded. Its also the only medium that I can think of where making too much money can actually be a reason to dislike said song/band/whatever.
With sports there is a beautiful simplicity. There are winners, there are losers, and there are stats. There is room for debate but there are at least quantifiable statistics to point to. Michael Jordan won this many titles, Wayne Gretzky has this many assists, and Earl Campbell ran this many yards. If you're debating the merits of a musical artist even if you point to a ringing endorsement of a number of reviews one can shrug this off with a phrase like "They were underappreciated at the time and critics didn't understand the music." While this could be legitimately true, its still annoying. This is why I propose we ban all music under Rule Number 20081: Footloose Rule of 1984 - In Which Dancing and Rock Music are banned.
Two things to wrap this all up: YOU CAN BUY MOTHER FUCKING 70" WAIST PANTS IF YOU CLICK HERE!!!!
And Nature at its Best:
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Good News For Hobos Who Eat Ham Sandwiches
I'm doing my dishes right. I made some nachos a few days ago and me being the lazy person I am, I did not do dishes immediately. There was some cheese residue left over on the plate and me being the sensible person that I am I try to clean the dried on cheese by scraping it with my finger. Next thing I know there is a shard of dried cheese under my finger nail. Yep, that is right...I fucking stabbed myself with cheese and it not only cut me, it drew blood.
Also, apologies for those who ended up watching The Pest intro.
Random Notes:
-My hair looks better right when I wake up, not when I get out of the shower
-I'm coming back to Minneapolis in a week and a half. Warm up the car for John Hardy's
-I need a bike asap.
This post was bullshit. Better stuff coming soon. I lied a while ago but there are some good movie reviews coming.
Also, apologies for those who ended up watching The Pest intro.
Random Notes:
-My hair looks better right when I wake up, not when I get out of the shower
-I'm coming back to Minneapolis in a week and a half. Warm up the car for John Hardy's
-I need a bike asap.
This post was bullshit. Better stuff coming soon. I lied a while ago but there are some good movie reviews coming.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Alea iacta est
Of course by that I mean the die has been cast.....okay I don't know. Really though this is about movies I'm ashamed to say I went to see in theaters. This is why I'm pleased to introduce a new segment known as: "WHOOPS I SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT!"
1. Celtic Pride - Yeah, this was a real stinker of a film. This is a film where Daniel Stern (Bushwhacked, Home Alone Saga) and Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters) play two die-hard Celtic fans who decide to kidnap Damon Wayans (Major Payne) who in the film plays a star forward for the Utah Jazz. I swear to god I wrote about this film before but the point is I went to the theater to see this movie and it is terrible. What makes this story even more depressing is the theater was sold out. I remember showing up late and my friends and I had to sit in the front far right. Which for you folks who have never been to a movie theater is the tied for the worst seats in the house with front left corner. This theater was not stadium seating and the front right and front left put you at such an angle where you really are craning your neck the whole time and the viewing angle actually makes the picture somewhat warped. Good times.
2. Proof of Life - Off screen Russel Crowe and Meg Ryan had a not so secret romance on the set. On screen, this movie was compelling in the way an NBC summer movie of the week starring Beau Bridges and Jason Priestly is compelling. Watchable but only in the way Easy Mac is edible...you want SOMETHING and then this really is the easiest thing to do besides laying in bed all day. Actually I'm being a bit harsh. The end of the film is actually pretty tense and action filled. David Caruso proves to be a fine actor. You have David Morse (I know you don't know who he is and what he has been in but google his name and you'll see his picture and then you'll be like "OH YEAH THAT GUY HE WAS IN ABOUT 40 MOVIES AS A SUPPORTING ACTOR) and Meg Ryan and Crowe and a bunch of actors who have had way better movies. Yep...saw this in theaters too. Not exactly sure why either because I bet there was better stuff out.
3. Batman and Robin - Just look down a few posts and check out the awesome tribute to Mr. Freeze.
4. Spawn (TWICE!) - I watched this twice in theaters. At the time I knew i thought it was kind of cool just because there is a scene where a woman tries to kick him in the nuts and his skull belt actually grabs her foot before she can kick him and breaks her foot. In hindsight, this is a bad movie. When John Leguizamo is the legitimate high point in the film, we may be treading in the danger zone....which leads me to....
5. The Pest - Holy crap, I went to see this in theaters. Watch the intro to the movie here:
Fucking hell.
I seriously have about 20 more movies that are shockingly bad that I saw but after watching the intro to The Pest I'm sick to my stomach. I cannot believe that after that intro I thought it would be a good idea to stick around in theaters and watch the rest of that.
On a lighter note, I'm really sick of people jogging around the neighborhood that I live in. I do not have a personal vendetta against joggers or physical fitness. But let me rap for a minute (note: I have now sat down on my desk with my arms crossed to represent the fact that I am in fact down with the youth despite the fact that I'm now wearing a sweater). Down the main drag of San Vicente there is a side walk on each side. Both appropriate for running. There is also a huge median in the center of the road. Its probably about 20 feet across. It is groomed by the city and has tall trees in the center of the median and grass which is as short and soft as a typical lawns grass...this is the best place to run. People have run on it so much that there are actually downtrodden paths in the grassy medians. Yet guess what? People run/jog in the fucking street in the "bike lanes." And guess what, they fucking do this all the time for no reason. You have 4 fucking logical options for jogging. Two sidewalks or two sides of the fucking grassy median (better for your joints). But you turds decide to jog in the road....you jog when a giant bus that weighs tons is trying to stop at the bus stop but your geriatric ass is jogging slowly on the side of the road.
Oh yeah and by the way that neoprene running shirt with your Santa Monica 5K logo on it and the fanny pack with the two water bottle holders on each side make you look like a moron. By the way its 65 degrees in Santa Monica with overcast skies, you aren't running through the Gobi Desert and you're not in the Afrika Korps so you don't need the fucking hat with the stupid cloth protecting your neck from sun burn. You're jogging 16 blocks up and down the same street so stay on the goddamn grassy area where you should be and please step out of the street where you're more liable to get destroyed by one of the many shitty los angeles drivers. True Story: Waiting for the bus today a woman driving by in her Land Rover had a bowl of something on her dashboard and she was dipping bread into the bowl. Eating a french fry can be distracting enough but this lady was dipping bread into a bowl on her goddamn dashboard while she drove about 10 mph slower than everyone. Jesus christ.
1. Celtic Pride - Yeah, this was a real stinker of a film. This is a film where Daniel Stern (Bushwhacked, Home Alone Saga) and Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters) play two die-hard Celtic fans who decide to kidnap Damon Wayans (Major Payne) who in the film plays a star forward for the Utah Jazz. I swear to god I wrote about this film before but the point is I went to the theater to see this movie and it is terrible. What makes this story even more depressing is the theater was sold out. I remember showing up late and my friends and I had to sit in the front far right. Which for you folks who have never been to a movie theater is the tied for the worst seats in the house with front left corner. This theater was not stadium seating and the front right and front left put you at such an angle where you really are craning your neck the whole time and the viewing angle actually makes the picture somewhat warped. Good times.
2. Proof of Life - Off screen Russel Crowe and Meg Ryan had a not so secret romance on the set. On screen, this movie was compelling in the way an NBC summer movie of the week starring Beau Bridges and Jason Priestly is compelling. Watchable but only in the way Easy Mac is edible...you want SOMETHING and then this really is the easiest thing to do besides laying in bed all day. Actually I'm being a bit harsh. The end of the film is actually pretty tense and action filled. David Caruso proves to be a fine actor. You have David Morse (I know you don't know who he is and what he has been in but google his name and you'll see his picture and then you'll be like "OH YEAH THAT GUY HE WAS IN ABOUT 40 MOVIES AS A SUPPORTING ACTOR) and Meg Ryan and Crowe and a bunch of actors who have had way better movies. Yep...saw this in theaters too. Not exactly sure why either because I bet there was better stuff out.
3. Batman and Robin - Just look down a few posts and check out the awesome tribute to Mr. Freeze.
4. Spawn (TWICE!) - I watched this twice in theaters. At the time I knew i thought it was kind of cool just because there is a scene where a woman tries to kick him in the nuts and his skull belt actually grabs her foot before she can kick him and breaks her foot. In hindsight, this is a bad movie. When John Leguizamo is the legitimate high point in the film, we may be treading in the danger zone....which leads me to....
5. The Pest - Holy crap, I went to see this in theaters. Watch the intro to the movie here:
Fucking hell.
I seriously have about 20 more movies that are shockingly bad that I saw but after watching the intro to The Pest I'm sick to my stomach. I cannot believe that after that intro I thought it would be a good idea to stick around in theaters and watch the rest of that.
On a lighter note, I'm really sick of people jogging around the neighborhood that I live in. I do not have a personal vendetta against joggers or physical fitness. But let me rap for a minute (note: I have now sat down on my desk with my arms crossed to represent the fact that I am in fact down with the youth despite the fact that I'm now wearing a sweater). Down the main drag of San Vicente there is a side walk on each side. Both appropriate for running. There is also a huge median in the center of the road. Its probably about 20 feet across. It is groomed by the city and has tall trees in the center of the median and grass which is as short and soft as a typical lawns grass...this is the best place to run. People have run on it so much that there are actually downtrodden paths in the grassy medians. Yet guess what? People run/jog in the fucking street in the "bike lanes." And guess what, they fucking do this all the time for no reason. You have 4 fucking logical options for jogging. Two sidewalks or two sides of the fucking grassy median (better for your joints). But you turds decide to jog in the road....you jog when a giant bus that weighs tons is trying to stop at the bus stop but your geriatric ass is jogging slowly on the side of the road.
Oh yeah and by the way that neoprene running shirt with your Santa Monica 5K logo on it and the fanny pack with the two water bottle holders on each side make you look like a moron. By the way its 65 degrees in Santa Monica with overcast skies, you aren't running through the Gobi Desert and you're not in the Afrika Korps so you don't need the fucking hat with the stupid cloth protecting your neck from sun burn. You're jogging 16 blocks up and down the same street so stay on the goddamn grassy area where you should be and please step out of the street where you're more liable to get destroyed by one of the many shitty los angeles drivers. True Story: Waiting for the bus today a woman driving by in her Land Rover had a bowl of something on her dashboard and she was dipping bread into the bowl. Eating a french fry can be distracting enough but this lady was dipping bread into a bowl on her goddamn dashboard while she drove about 10 mph slower than everyone. Jesus christ.
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