Fake Post

Mini Post here. Favorite Scene from Wayne's World 2 here:

Follow Up

So my Jewel tirade got a bit of welcome reader feedback. I'd also like to thank one Ms. Extreme Ash for the boost in traffic. I think I have 3 loyal readers up from 1! Since we're talking about girls I dig, I want Shannyn Sossamon to be in more movies. I'd put her up in the top five most under appreciated beautiful women in the world. She is sometimes seen sporting really fucked up hair cuts, which is cool by me. In fact I'd prefer to date her over the nerds choice Natalie Portman....OVERRATED.

Coming in the next few days. I should be able to do a 'Live Blog' of the movie Big. Believe you me when I say this will be fucking epic. Also I hope to do a new fast food review...as well as perhaps a beer review.

Last I will say that jesus fucking christ there are a lot of really skinny older women around here who have terrible fucking facial plastic surgery so their face looks fucked up with no wrinkles but oddly shiny and giant ass botoxed fucking lips. Seriously ladies...please fucking stop this. Goddamn, I'm not joking when I say it fucking freaks me out when you all do this.

Last last last, I am going to opine a bit about the state of frozen treats. The McFlurry is really a poor excuse for a fucking ice creamy treat mixed with various tasty goods. Last time I got a Oreo McFlurry it was basically oreo dust mixed with soft serve. I prefer Dairy Queen's thick chuncks of oreo mixed in with their soft serve. I will also say that its fucking hard to find a good Chocolate Milkshake (Note I capatalized Chocolate Milkshake to emphasize how important they are) these days. You either go to some lame-o over priced shit storm like Johnny Rockets (Really the biggest fucking ripoff for an over done burger and fries that cost you 13 dollars) or you settle for some sort of middle ground swill at McDonalds or various other fast food places. In-n-Out provides a pretty good one at a moderate price.

I feel like I'm John Travolta's character in Pulp Fiction expressing my own disbelief and displeasure at spending five dollars on a malt/shake and while it might taste good I'm cheap.

P.S. Jamba Juice is a ripoff as well.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

That song sucked.

Anyways, going back to talk about a few more older commercials I remember. Remember those stupid Pace Picante salsa ads on tv where the cowboys are sitting around a fire eating and then one of them takes out salsa and its from New York City and the whole group goes "NEW YORK CITY?!?!" Fucking stupid....and then the one guy mumbles "GET A ROPE." Yeah, lets murder this fucking guy because he has salsa from the wrong state!!!



Okay I'm over the whole commercial memory lane aspect of my life for now. Let's look back at a band that in retrospect is easy to make fun of, but for a short period of time was one of the more popular acts in the country and the world! I'm talking about the band Limp Bizkit. People rag on the 80's for its supposedly bad music, but only in the late 90's could a band like Limp Bizkit emerge. When their two greatest hits were 1. A Cover of a George Michael Song and 2. A song called 'Nookie'. I mean, its really one of the greater odditities in the history of music that Fred Durst would for a short period of time emerge as some sort of rock icon and would later go on to cover The Who's 'Behind Blue Eyes' which would go down in my book as one of the worst and most pointless covers of all time. I'd like to also point out that i think George Michael is underrated as a pop musician and that his success is often overshadowed for his public restroom behavior and as the butt end to jokes that have to do with his association with WHAM!

By far the funniest thing that was associated with Fred Durst is that he appeared as a bonus character in the videogame for Fight Club. Long story short the game was released 5 years after the movie came out and was spurned on no doubt hoping that there were enough gullable idiots to buy the game....and yeah it totally misses the point of the story all together since the game is just a fighting game. I never played the game myself but I kind of want to still, if only for the chance to beat the shit out of Fred Durst in game.


Lastly, in reference to the title here of the post we have another late 90's gem in Where Have All the Cowboys Gone. This song is a really fucking weird pop song that has a really weird opening and hook. Paula Cole's attempt at "Breaking it Down" with her little "Yippee Aye Yippee Ay" has to go down in history as one of the weirder points in music history (I'm full of hyperbole tonight). Interesting fact, this lost for best female Video in the 97 MTV Music Awards (remember when those were kind of a hip alternative to "STUFFY" awards shows instead of just being another boring award show?) to Jewel's 'You Were Meant For Me.' By the way I still totally think Jewel is hot and awesome.

I'd also go on to argue that You Were Meant For Me is a song that is criminally under used in popular culture (TV, Films, ETC.) when it comes to montages of a woman who just broke up with her boyfriend and is now depressed. Plus, wasn't Jewel totally pre-empting the entire indie take over of the music industry by a good 8 years? I mean, her early entries into music were best described as "FOLK POP" or at the time "Coffee House" style music...heavy on acoustic and a very stripped down sound. I honestly think if this single dropped right now it could be just as successful. And yeah, I'm starting to sound like a Jewel fanatic here, but I think there is something strongly endearing about her fucked up teeth...and yeah they're not fucked up but I mean I think there is one or two teeth that aren't exactly straight. Obviously she could afford to fix this slight imperfection but to me, hey its cool!

Tarzan Boy: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Listerine

First of all, props to myself for this amazing post title. This is in reference to the band Baltimora and their song 'Tarzan Boy' which I mostly remember for being put in a Listerine commercial with a listerine bottle swinging on vines in a Tarzan like fashion. Also was featured in the hit movie Beverly Hills Ninja. The song can be viewed in video form here:




This is a great example of a one hit wonder...and also a weird combo of Italian New Wave. Initially I had a lot to say about this song but basically it speaks for itself. I will fondly remember the Listerine bottle swinging from vine to vine echoing through my childhood.

UPDATE: I FOUND IT!

To Hot To Handle...Too Cold To Hold

What the world needs is more Randy Savage....The Macho Man that is. I'm going out on a limb and saying that he is one of the few true geniuses of our time. Besides releasing a mega awesome rap album (Look it up if you don't believe me) and endorsing one of mans greatest creations (the slim jim) I will always love Randy Savage because he is a true genius of the spoken word.

When I Was Scared

It should come as no surprise that many children are practically raised by the family television. I can say honestly that as a young and then not so young child I was addicted to television. Thankfully I was also blessed with cable at a young age. School cancelled due to a blizzard? Great!! The warm glow of the television will keep me occupied. While many of my formative moments growing up came about thanks to television, two stand out in my mind.

The first would be me watching the movie Se7en by David Fincher. Sitting home watching Se7en on HBO was quite the interesting experience. Not only was I too young to be watching such a graphic movie, I can state without reservation that I didn't understand half of what was going on anyways. Anyone who has watched the movie knows there are many shocking moments, but the one that sticks out most is the SWAT raid of the alleged serial killers home. SWAT is humorously led by a bald and hard ass John Mcginley. They bust into the purported killers apartment (which they track down by linking the fingerprints found behind a painting) and note that there are hundreds of gas station TREE air fresheners hanging from the ceiling. As the camera pulls back into a bedroom, there on a stained mattress we see a completely emancipated hollow corpse. Mr. Mcginley leans in to the presumed dead body and whispers "You got what you deserved." No sooner does this sentence finish the corpse jumps to life moaning and screaming.

The point of moaning and screaming coincided with me literally jumping back from the television and yelling in complete fear and panic. We've all had moments of dread and fear but this is probably the closest I've come to shitting my pants. Credit goes to Fincher for staging the scene perfectly and lulling the viewer (me) into a modest sense of security only to rip this false security blanket out from me and throw me naked into Buffalo Bill's well.

I Like The Radio

Maybe living in California has made me soft. Driving to work a couple times a week I listen to the radio and its actually not bad. KROQ (K ROCK) plays kind of like an ipod playlist I would have. Foo Fighters, The Offspring, and then some newer hip songs sprinkled in the mix. I actually really like the radio station and they always seem to play some random Postal Service song right after the sun goes down and it sets the mood perfectly.

Which brings up my next point about how random life can be. Isn't it awesome when you're listening to (Insert musical emitting device) and a song comes on and it so perfectly sets the mood of whatever situation you're in...whether you just broke up with your significant other or you are driving on a rain soaked road and feeling sad or you just feel fucking happy and that perfect song comes up and its like the soundtrack of your life is occuring?! Well, sometimes its awesome and it happens. Enjoy that.

Adam Carolla in the morning is funny. He is funny...unlike his abomination of a television show he had for a few months. Enough about radio though...lets talk important things like movies and how I hate people.

The Wrestler - Amazing film and Rourke definitely deserved the Golden Globe. It helps that I enjoy wrestling and geeked out on the accuracy of much of the portrayal of an over the hill wrestler. As an aside, Marissa Tomei plays a stripper (I think this is her third stripper in the last few years) and she gets naked a lot. I don't mean this in any sort of overt sexual crude way, but she looks really amazing for a 44 year old woman. Did I mention half her screen time is nude or near nude?

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - I liked it. Its a bit long, Brad Pitt doesn't do much but the end still had me getting a bit choked up. I guess I'm just a sentimental guy. Still, if you're not sold on the premise just wait for the DVD to drop.

The iPhone - It rocks and has changed my life for the better. I would really like copy and paste on this fucker though.

My New Job - It sucks, so someone offer me a better higher paying one please.

Living In California - Someone fucking visit me or something.