Oh and I'm Flying Again

When did the 'Ugly Christmas Sweater' and its associated 'Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties' and 'Ugly Christmas Sweater Contests' enter mass hysteria level? I spent a good hour or two trying to figure this out earlier tonight.

Now obviously there was a point in time where the ugly christmas sweater was actually just the 'CHRISTMAS SWEATER' and there was no hint of humor, irony, or ill will placed in these sweaters. As far as I can tell this was called the 1980's and the early 90's. I distinctly remember my mom owning a sweater that would can now be found on the body of a 21 year old male who is going to the bar in hopes of winning the "ugly sweater" contest. I'm sure it started off innocently enough. A young 'hip' couple wants to have a non-typical Christmas card to send to their friends and family. They take a few tacky Christmas Sweaters from yesteryear and take a few photos with them, get it developed, and then send them out as Christmas cards. Their other friends get them in the mail and have a good laugh or two. They think of their friends as clever...and they were.

Now though we've entered the realm of postmodernism in the Christmas Sweater world. Everyone wears the damn thing. Everyone has the Ugly Christmas Sweater day at the office. It is now unavoidable. Will we hit a backlash? I don't see a backlash coming for at least a few more years. The main issue is that Christmas is once a year...so there isn't enough time to get upset about this all and by the time you work up your anger its already gone. Much like Halloween and the 'Slut Costume' it is possible that the Ugly Sweater will become a permanent fixture of the holiday. The other alternative is that this falls out of fashion around 2012 (pending Mayan prediction of worlds destruction) and then the only people wearing these will be the hardcore fundamentalist sweater wearers. They will declare without a trace of irony that they "Love these sweaters" and that "they like how they look." These will be lies but they will now be looked down upon by the millions who once participated in the ugly sweater contests...they will be viewed as holding on too long and that the "joke is no longer funny." I will remain smug from my Ivory Blog Tower.

The biggest problem with the current sweater trend is that a guy like this will think he is actually being funny and that his friends will also declare that "John is such a funny guy. WILL YOU LOOK AT HIS SWEATER!! HAHAHA!!!" What they don't realize is that John is empty. He demands that you pay attention to him because of his supposed outlandishness. It is a lie. He will go home on December 23rd to an empty studio apartment following the office party. Hundreds of miles from his family, the only ones who truly care if he lives or dies will be celebrating. John is too poor to afford a flight home. He will awaken Christmas day to a familiar noise...its his ring tone. *Danger Zone* Janet from accounting likes that ring tone. Johns mother has called to wish him a Merry Christmas...he hears laughter in the background. The call is short and John tells his mother to say hi to everyone for him. John goes to the fridge and grabs the party size subs he took from the Christmas party as there were way too many and if they left them in the office fridge they would be rotten by the time everyone returned after the holiday break. He is in his underwear sitting on wooden chair he bought from Ikea. He turns on the television and watches National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. His only thought..."THIS IS THE SWEATER'S FAULT."



Merry Christmas.