Critical Film Analysis: Rocky V

Rocky V is one of those films that most people have actually watched, but few will actually acknowledge that they did. I should first state that I love the Rocky series to death including the recently released movie Rocky Balboa, but it is pretty much universally accepted that Rocky V is not only terrible, but should not even be acknowledged. Even cable television has recognized this fact. You'll get a Rocky marathon on TBS or Spike but they won't show the fifth entry.

The movie opens with the titular character Rocky returning from Russia after defeating Ivan Drago, destorying communism, and getting punched so hard his face should have collapsed. So Rocky returns home and bizarro Don King attempts to get him to fight a new challenger but Adrian protests. Does this sound familiar? Adrian has been standing in Rocky's way to fight for the better part of two decades. All is well and good until there is a revelation. Paulie (Adrian's drunk ass brother) has somehow signed power of attorney to the accountant who was flipping real estate and blown all of Rocky's money. This is where the film gets really bad but I should comment on a few things. First of all, I don't buy that Paulie could
somehow sign over power of attorney. The more puzzling thing is that Rocky is somehow forced to move back to the same neighborhood that he started in. Rocky just defeated communism. Shouldn't the president help him out? Or maybe the millions of professional contacts he has? Move in to Apollo's old house...he sure isn't using it. Just endorse some crappy products ala Rocky II. HE KNOWS HOW TO READ NOW!! Blah.

This sets the stage for an upcoming boxer who Rocky takes under his wing. Rockys son gets bitter that he is not being shown as much attention so in response he starts hanging out with the "bad crowd." And by bad crowd I mean he starts wearing this absurdly large earring and smokes a cigarette!! I'm actually getting angry as I write this so I'm going to quickly summarize what happens next. Tommy "the machine" Gunn is who he was mentoring. He gets pissed and leaves...then comes back to challenge Rocky to a street fight. They fight in the street, its really stupid and Rocky remains poor. WHAT THE HELL. Terrible movie. TERRIBLE MOVIE. Its probably one of my least favorite movies of all time.