And by that I mean I will now be judging people. I've probably touched on this in the past but one thing I do truly miss is the deluge of late morning/early afternoon talk shows of the late 90's. I'm talking post Donahue and Sally Jessy Raphael and more Montel, Leeza Gibbons, Ricki Lake, and Maury. Okay now I'm positive I've blogged about this in the past. Either way fat babies were back in the news and that is one of my favorite day time talk show topics.
MORBIDLY OBESE BABIES. On one hand its awful. Young children weighing over a hundred pounds. But I love the setup montages of the fat babies eating a big burger or stuffing their face with cookies. It cracks me up. Or in this case eating tooth paste.
To psycho analyze, I probably like these episodes because I am deep down a very insecure person who has long had a history of....NAH FUCK THAT. I think its funny to see these fat babies carted out for our viewing pleasure and watching the parent sobbing about how they can't say no to their obese offspring. THE BABY EATS TOOTHPASTE FOR GOD SAKE. Maybe this does say something about our society. Both my ability to consume (PUN INTENDED) such entertainment, and the environment where a child can get hilariously overweight. Somehow I doubt the child slave in Pakistan who since they were able to, have been working as a brick maker to pay off some ridiculous debt that has been heaped on their family for generations. What type of sloth have we created?! HAVE WE ALL GONE MAD!??! Yes, probably.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Listen Up Bro
Turkey Day. I ate the usual suspects but there was a real winner this year. Pickles. I ate a shit ton of pickles this thanksgiving. It was great.
What isn't great is watching football and thanksgiving and seeing lots and lots of Geico advertisements. They started cute. A talking gecko who randomly changed accents after a year. But once those fucking cavemen showed up...There have been dozens of these cavemen commercials. I'm not even going to embed a caveman commercial because they offend my sensibilities. At this point, the moment I realize its a caveman commercial (which is nearly instantaneous) I start to get very angry.
The worst thing about the newest ones is that they don't appear to be filmed on a good camera. It's like someone was using their iphone to record a commercial.
Don't forget about the short lived Cavemen tv series spinoff. The show was described as, "unique buddy comedy that offers a clever twist on stereotypes and turns race relations on its head." I prefer to call it, weird as fuck and not good. I don't like saying that since Nick Kroll was in it. Kroll is someone I think is hilarious. But even he couldn't turn the show around.
I'd like to rant on and on about the show but I can't. I don't know enough about it. I will simply state that this was a sad time in America. IN closing, I believe in America. I believe we still have time to do a porn parody of the Geico Cavemen. It will be titled, 'THIS AIN'T THE CAVEMEN XXX' and well...you know how the rest goes. Lots of down and dirty sex with a cameo from a guy dressed in a gecko suit.
What isn't great is watching football and thanksgiving and seeing lots and lots of Geico advertisements. They started cute. A talking gecko who randomly changed accents after a year. But once those fucking cavemen showed up...There have been dozens of these cavemen commercials. I'm not even going to embed a caveman commercial because they offend my sensibilities. At this point, the moment I realize its a caveman commercial (which is nearly instantaneous) I start to get very angry.
The worst thing about the newest ones is that they don't appear to be filmed on a good camera. It's like someone was using their iphone to record a commercial.
Don't forget about the short lived Cavemen tv series spinoff. The show was described as, "unique buddy comedy that offers a clever twist on stereotypes and turns race relations on its head." I prefer to call it, weird as fuck and not good. I don't like saying that since Nick Kroll was in it. Kroll is someone I think is hilarious. But even he couldn't turn the show around.
I'd like to rant on and on about the show but I can't. I don't know enough about it. I will simply state that this was a sad time in America. IN closing, I believe in America. I believe we still have time to do a porn parody of the Geico Cavemen. It will be titled, 'THIS AIN'T THE CAVEMEN XXX' and well...you know how the rest goes. Lots of down and dirty sex with a cameo from a guy dressed in a gecko suit.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
SOUTH COAST TOYOTA
Well. You might have thought I gave up. No more witty analysis on stupid shit. Well you were wrong. I'm back in full effect. And this time the comeback isn't a highly staged attention grab.
I do find it comforting in this day and age that if I'm trying to find something that I vaguely recall from some bygone time, it is probably on the internet. I was just talking with a friend of mine online and we were discussing annoying commercials (both radio and television) that are completely local things. And what did I do? I went to youtube, searched "SOUTH COAST TOYOTA" and the first video to appear is someone taking a video in their car while on the radio the 'South Coast Toyota' song plays. This would have been impossible ten years ago. For one, I'm not even in the Los Angeles area where this is playing. I could only mention it in passing about how when I lived in Los Angeles there was some annoying commercial. Today I can mention it and my friend across the country can watch it.
Which reminds me that I was reading The Economist while sitting in the bathroom the other day and they had a very pretentious section. It was an insert in The Economist that was labeled Intelligent Life. It was essentially a mini art section special that they had inserted. Talking about Andy Warhol and his true worth and other such non-sense. JUST TELL ME ABOUT HEDGE FUNDS IN ASIA! But anyhow, in one section they had an article asking the age old time travel question, "What was the best time, and place, to be alive? More in depth answers from the article I'm talking about can be found here: http://moreintelligentlife.com/
Of course they're all pretentious and shitty answers. Lucy Kellaway says she would want to be in America around 15,000 BC. She is the management columnist at the Financial Times.
"Hunter-gatherers were far more equal than us - men and women, rich and poor. They spent time on things modern life does not encourage: chatting, playing with children and having sex with more than one person."
Now my early human history is a bit sketchy but nothing about 15,000 BC or anytime around then sounds particularly enjoyable. Increased technological advances like finer flint tools and harpoons began appearing. This was also a time of massive climate change for the colder. Nothing like living during the time when massive ice sheets blanketed most of the earth. Ice covering all of Canada and pushing down through the upper half of present day United States really wants to make me fuck. She's right though. Everyone was much more equal. IN that all humans were in a constant life or death struggle and one broken ankle out on a days hunt could mean you would die cold, alone, and starving. There would be plenty of time for chatting between the daily struggle of surviving against your fellow man and natures cold uncaring spectre that threatened your every day existence and which drove you in a constant pursuit of food, shelter, and if time permitted procreating. 15,000 BC also predates the Neolithic Revolution which means that the ability to live an agrarian life of semi sustainable subsistence farming had yet to occur. Have fun tracking the wild herds of animals across great swaths of land.
Just me talking but I'd settle for right now. Not fifty years ago, not thirty years ago, but today. I like living today knowing what I know. I like the endless diversions in so called mindless entertainment. I like not having to sit under a darkened sky in a cave in the middle of nowhere contemplating how I will hunt better the next day as my stomach rumbles and shakes because myself and my clan have been unable to track the herd of deer we've been following for weeks. I enjoy the fact that the compound fracture in my right arm isn't a death sentence. I like checking my iphone all the time to see if someone said something funny. There was no time for sarcasm when a saber toothed cat could rip me to shreds. I am here right now because we are homo sapiens. "The Wise man" or "knowing man" in Latin. We have opposable thumbs. We build. We dream. And right now is as good a time as any.
We also wheez the juice.
I do find it comforting in this day and age that if I'm trying to find something that I vaguely recall from some bygone time, it is probably on the internet. I was just talking with a friend of mine online and we were discussing annoying commercials (both radio and television) that are completely local things. And what did I do? I went to youtube, searched "SOUTH COAST TOYOTA" and the first video to appear is someone taking a video in their car while on the radio the 'South Coast Toyota' song plays. This would have been impossible ten years ago. For one, I'm not even in the Los Angeles area where this is playing. I could only mention it in passing about how when I lived in Los Angeles there was some annoying commercial. Today I can mention it and my friend across the country can watch it.
Which reminds me that I was reading The Economist while sitting in the bathroom the other day and they had a very pretentious section. It was an insert in The Economist that was labeled Intelligent Life. It was essentially a mini art section special that they had inserted. Talking about Andy Warhol and his true worth and other such non-sense. JUST TELL ME ABOUT HEDGE FUNDS IN ASIA! But anyhow, in one section they had an article asking the age old time travel question, "What was the best time, and place, to be alive? More in depth answers from the article I'm talking about can be found here: http://moreintelligentlife.com/
Of course they're all pretentious and shitty answers. Lucy Kellaway says she would want to be in America around 15,000 BC. She is the management columnist at the Financial Times.
"Hunter-gatherers were far more equal than us - men and women, rich and poor. They spent time on things modern life does not encourage: chatting, playing with children and having sex with more than one person."
Now my early human history is a bit sketchy but nothing about 15,000 BC or anytime around then sounds particularly enjoyable. Increased technological advances like finer flint tools and harpoons began appearing. This was also a time of massive climate change for the colder. Nothing like living during the time when massive ice sheets blanketed most of the earth. Ice covering all of Canada and pushing down through the upper half of present day United States really wants to make me fuck. She's right though. Everyone was much more equal. IN that all humans were in a constant life or death struggle and one broken ankle out on a days hunt could mean you would die cold, alone, and starving. There would be plenty of time for chatting between the daily struggle of surviving against your fellow man and natures cold uncaring spectre that threatened your every day existence and which drove you in a constant pursuit of food, shelter, and if time permitted procreating. 15,000 BC also predates the Neolithic Revolution which means that the ability to live an agrarian life of semi sustainable subsistence farming had yet to occur. Have fun tracking the wild herds of animals across great swaths of land.
Just me talking but I'd settle for right now. Not fifty years ago, not thirty years ago, but today. I like living today knowing what I know. I like the endless diversions in so called mindless entertainment. I like not having to sit under a darkened sky in a cave in the middle of nowhere contemplating how I will hunt better the next day as my stomach rumbles and shakes because myself and my clan have been unable to track the herd of deer we've been following for weeks. I enjoy the fact that the compound fracture in my right arm isn't a death sentence. I like checking my iphone all the time to see if someone said something funny. There was no time for sarcasm when a saber toothed cat could rip me to shreds. I am here right now because we are homo sapiens. "The Wise man" or "knowing man" in Latin. We have opposable thumbs. We build. We dream. And right now is as good a time as any.
We also wheez the juice.
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