Forget What You Think You Knew About Your 12 Year Old Self

I think I can say pretty confidently that you as a person will always think you are the coolest you ever will be in the history of your life until at a single as of yet undefined moment in your life will realize that you are no longer cool and just old. Fortunately that time has not yet come for me, but I fear that the time is drawing ever closer.

I could choose to reveal some ridiculously embarrassing moment in my life at this time but I won't. Instead I will just dance around this by stating that at a certain point in my young life I remember I was very obsessed with getting a specific brand of clothing and when I did finally get it I thought I was fucking badass. (NOTE: The brand was not JNCO's nor was it Tommy Hilfiger. But I do recall how popular Tommy Hilfiger shit got for a short period. THE TOMMY HILFIGER LOGO LOOKS STUPID AS FUCK AND PEOPLE LUSTED AFTER THEIR SHITTY TSHIRTS THAT JUST SAID A BRAND NAME ON IT!) I also got pissed when my mom would buy me jeans from a second hand store.

Two things emerge from this.

1. I was a fucking asshole.

2. I was fucking stupid.

When/If I ever have kids I know I'm going to be second hand storing the shit out of my kids wardrobe. Primarily because kids grow so fucking fast and there is no way I'm buying them 80 dollar jeans that will fit their ever growing bodies for more than 20 minutes and the fact that I'm cheap. All shopping will be done at Target. More ironically, we are now in the age or post-post-post irony and shopping and dressing like a fucking doofus is cool. It's not "second hand stores" anymore. It's vintage shopping.

I digress....the point is, I think I'm cooler than I was when I was 12, 18, 22, and so on. Now this can either be true, that I'm getting cooler as time goes on and that its simply just an upward curve on the chart of COOLNESS and that I will continue to get cool until at some point I'm not and then I get lame and old. More likely though is that somewhere here (22-30) I will certainly peak and then its downhill much more abruptly than I'd like.

Now I can transcend the downward spiral of getting lame, but that would require one of two things happening. I die in the next few years which would seal my life in a time capsule of cool and ultimately cause reflection that my life was worthy of praise. I don't want to die soon so that is not good. I could also become insanely famous and therefore prolong (Possibly until I die) my coolness. Someone like Bill Murray is certainly cool forever. Though to be fair, I feel as if Murray did in fact dip in to not so cool territory for a stretch in the mid 90's until he revitalized his career by taking on less overtly comic roles. Instead stretching his range by taking on older more world weary characters that still shared that underlying comic streak of his former years. I'd prefer fame and fortune to early death.