MTV has a new show about self professed "guidos." Count me in.
On the other hand it does appear that they're legitimately having a good time. Which is probably the exact opposite of what I am usually doing.
Also we are nearing the end of the year 2009 so I will be having many looks back at the moments, people, and events that shaped this past ten years. It's been a fun decade and I think we can all agree that its had its share of ups and downs. With that in mind I will be spending my new year in Minneapolis!! That's right...I'm spending it in the wintery wonderland that is Minnesota. FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
How I Learned Not To Use Drugs Recreationally
First I want to preface this by saying that I am not the first person to write about this video on the internet. It is admittedly pretty much impossible to be the first at anything on the internet but I will say that I have definitely seen this and I remember that it was definitely elementary school when I saw it.
'Straight Up' is a video series that was made in 1988. It is a educational video warning us all on the dangers of drug use. It stars, and believe me I am using "stars" as loosely as possible, Louis Gossett Junior who was just a few years removed from his oscar winning performance in An Officer and a Gentleman. I should say that he is more of a featured player as opposed to the star. Anyways the video starts out with our main dude in a parking ramp skateboarding around when a gang of cooler kids all who can't be much older than 12 also show up on their skateboards. The ring leader is Kevin. One kid shows up with two beers, the asian chick shows up with what appears to be a joint or two and a bag of what I assume is what the insiders on the drug trade would call 'shake', and another kid brings a pack of cigarettes. Now Kevin busts out a bottle of scotch. Personally...this sounds like a pretty good time but peer pressure starts to get to our main character as he rolls up.
I'm not going to summarize the whole thing but anyways our main dude gets in the elevator to leave the parking ramp but instead its the "FATE ELEVATOR" and it is being commanded by Louis Gossett Jr. Pretty awesome shit right? He starts singing and dancing and basically you see why you shouldn't drink alcohol (Because you'll become a degenerate drunk) or smoke weed (its a gateway drug and it also shortens your life).
What I realized while watching this though is that I saw this in I believe 4th or 5th grade. I was around 11 or so when I saw this. Basically all the information and the "story" of the video flew over my head. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. In fact it was just basically confusing but simultaneously a joke. I distinctly remember a friend of mine singing the "Fate Elevator" song in a mocking tone later on. Not to mention I distinctly remember at the time this feeling dated when I saw it yet it was only a few years old at that point. Furthermore I can't imagine what my teachers were thinking when showing this. Obviously when you're a kid you imagine that all teachers are old as hell, but I know at least a few were pretty new. That means they could be as young as 23 or 25 or so. These are people who I AM NOW, meaning I feel like I'm pretty hip and still able to be "cool." Watching this type of video if I was a teacher right now would mean I would probably laugh my ass off.
There really isn't much for me to say except I think you should watch this video now.
'Straight Up' is a video series that was made in 1988. It is a educational video warning us all on the dangers of drug use. It stars, and believe me I am using "stars" as loosely as possible, Louis Gossett Junior who was just a few years removed from his oscar winning performance in An Officer and a Gentleman. I should say that he is more of a featured player as opposed to the star. Anyways the video starts out with our main dude in a parking ramp skateboarding around when a gang of cooler kids all who can't be much older than 12 also show up on their skateboards. The ring leader is Kevin. One kid shows up with two beers, the asian chick shows up with what appears to be a joint or two and a bag of what I assume is what the insiders on the drug trade would call 'shake', and another kid brings a pack of cigarettes. Now Kevin busts out a bottle of scotch. Personally...this sounds like a pretty good time but peer pressure starts to get to our main character as he rolls up.
I'm not going to summarize the whole thing but anyways our main dude gets in the elevator to leave the parking ramp but instead its the "FATE ELEVATOR" and it is being commanded by Louis Gossett Jr. Pretty awesome shit right? He starts singing and dancing and basically you see why you shouldn't drink alcohol (Because you'll become a degenerate drunk) or smoke weed (its a gateway drug and it also shortens your life).
What I realized while watching this though is that I saw this in I believe 4th or 5th grade. I was around 11 or so when I saw this. Basically all the information and the "story" of the video flew over my head. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. In fact it was just basically confusing but simultaneously a joke. I distinctly remember a friend of mine singing the "Fate Elevator" song in a mocking tone later on. Not to mention I distinctly remember at the time this feeling dated when I saw it yet it was only a few years old at that point. Furthermore I can't imagine what my teachers were thinking when showing this. Obviously when you're a kid you imagine that all teachers are old as hell, but I know at least a few were pretty new. That means they could be as young as 23 or 25 or so. These are people who I AM NOW, meaning I feel like I'm pretty hip and still able to be "cool." Watching this type of video if I was a teacher right now would mean I would probably laugh my ass off.
There really isn't much for me to say except I think you should watch this video now.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Spooktacular Spookvember Spookgsgiving
So Halloween has come and gone, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the spooky festival of Thanksgiving!!
When you cut some one off in a car you often give the apologetic 'half wave' that indicates that you did not intend to cut that person off/did not see them. This is fair and while it probably provokes more rage than it helps, I think that at least acknowledging that you realized you fucked up is good.
On the other hand I hate when I'm a pedestrian crossing a street or in front of a parking lot entrance and a car quickly zooms by me within what I would call striking distance and as that driver is doing this they do the quick wave/holding their hand up to indicate that they're sorry. The reason this is annoys me though is because it likely means they don't give a fuck and are basically just being dangerous. My reasoning is this. If you see a pedestrian crossing an intersection you don't go because you might hit them. If you didn't see them at all the time to do the wave is after you've passed them. If you're passing me dangerously close and waving it means you saw me, decided to just go anyways, and then just kind of waved in passing like its supposed to make it okay.
Actually now that I write that down it sounds a lot dumber but I like to complain.
When you cut some one off in a car you often give the apologetic 'half wave' that indicates that you did not intend to cut that person off/did not see them. This is fair and while it probably provokes more rage than it helps, I think that at least acknowledging that you realized you fucked up is good.
On the other hand I hate when I'm a pedestrian crossing a street or in front of a parking lot entrance and a car quickly zooms by me within what I would call striking distance and as that driver is doing this they do the quick wave/holding their hand up to indicate that they're sorry. The reason this is annoys me though is because it likely means they don't give a fuck and are basically just being dangerous. My reasoning is this. If you see a pedestrian crossing an intersection you don't go because you might hit them. If you didn't see them at all the time to do the wave is after you've passed them. If you're passing me dangerously close and waving it means you saw me, decided to just go anyways, and then just kind of waved in passing like its supposed to make it okay.
Actually now that I write that down it sounds a lot dumber but I like to complain.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
This Week In 'The New York Times Enrages Me'
Article referred to throughout can be found here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/08/realestate/08cov.html?_r=1
Were you all aware that the "bachelor pad" was in a serious decline?! Especially the bachelor pads in New York City! Well it is. It used to be cool to have a really awesome expensive place to entice the opposite sex but now that we're in a recession shit gets rough.
Take for example this piece of shit.
This is Jason Brooks. He used to be a tv host for a crappy MTV show.
First of all, the dude is paying the same amount I make in an entire month for his tiny apartment. Secondly, he named his dog after himself. Who does that? Yeah you might name your kid after yourself...something to ensure some sort of legacy of your existence lives on. But your dog, really? Oh thats my dog, Brooks Junior...yep. I get the virtues of not coveting thy neighbors massive amounts of money but you know what, I can't help it. He was spending 5000 a month on a place. Thats a lot of money. Am I supposed to feel any shred of empathy for this dude? As it turns out he now has divorced his wife and is in this bachelor pad that is a airplane cockpit size. He goes on to say how he can't have parties because its too small. Well boohoo, you live in New York...go out or something. You could for 1600 a month live like a badass dude in a multitude of other cities in the United States. You could also start purchasing land in Detroit and build a mini slum empire.
The rest of the article goes on to essentially say these key components.
-When the economy doesn't suck young men who make lots of money like expensive swanky ass places.
-People are poor now so they have to get creative.
-Women don't care about how shitty a dudes place is because every dude is poor now!
-What reality were these people living in and why does the New York Times continue to taunt me with these articles?
Were you all aware that the "bachelor pad" was in a serious decline?! Especially the bachelor pads in New York City! Well it is. It used to be cool to have a really awesome expensive place to entice the opposite sex but now that we're in a recession shit gets rough.
Take for example this piece of shit.
This is Jason Brooks. He used to be a tv host for a crappy MTV show.
A solo artist and the singer in a band called Rehab, paid $5,000 a month for a 2,000-square-foot TriBeCa loft that he shared with his wife. Before that, he paid $3,500 a month for an apartment in a doorman building in the Financial District. Now, says Mr. Brooks, whose stage name is Brooks Buford, he pays $1,600 a month for a tiny studio in SoHo.
“It’s such a bizarre shift from where I was to where I am now,” said Mr. Brooks, who is now divorced. “I catch myself trying to make excuses for this place. Like before anyone comes up, I’m like, ‘Yeah, it’s like an airplane cabin.’ ”
Mr. Brooks, who says he lives off royalties from his past music career, also worked in information technology until he was laid off about a year ago.
In his old married apartment in the financial district, he said, two walls were devoted to shelves showcasing his vast sneaker collection. In his new single-again apartment, shared with a pug puppy called Brooks Junior, he needs a penlight to help him excavate footwear from the mountain of clothing jammed into his small closet — though he says it’s only one-eighth of what he owned in more prosperous times.
First of all, the dude is paying the same amount I make in an entire month for his tiny apartment. Secondly, he named his dog after himself. Who does that? Yeah you might name your kid after yourself...something to ensure some sort of legacy of your existence lives on. But your dog, really? Oh thats my dog, Brooks Junior...yep. I get the virtues of not coveting thy neighbors massive amounts of money but you know what, I can't help it. He was spending 5000 a month on a place. Thats a lot of money. Am I supposed to feel any shred of empathy for this dude? As it turns out he now has divorced his wife and is in this bachelor pad that is a airplane cockpit size. He goes on to say how he can't have parties because its too small. Well boohoo, you live in New York...go out or something. You could for 1600 a month live like a badass dude in a multitude of other cities in the United States. You could also start purchasing land in Detroit and build a mini slum empire.
The rest of the article goes on to essentially say these key components.
-When the economy doesn't suck young men who make lots of money like expensive swanky ass places.
-People are poor now so they have to get creative.
-Women don't care about how shitty a dudes place is because every dude is poor now!
-What reality were these people living in and why does the New York Times continue to taunt me with these articles?
Monday, November 02, 2009
There Is No Arch Deluxe, Only Zuul
Ghostbusters joke and a dated reference to a burger for sophisticated tastes that I actually liked from McDonalds. Its all down hill from here.
I was flying last week and we (as a collective flight) were getting ready to land. As we descended over the insanely huge sprawl that is known as the greater Los Angeles area the woman who was seated at the window seat was excitedly peering out the window. In my mind for a brief second I thought to myself, "What's the big deal? It's just Los Angeles and half the time this city sucks." HAHAHA I thought with my small moral superiority victory over this "idiot" who is coming to California as a tourist loser. I actually thought of myself as better than her for about 10 seconds then got really sad when I realized that I was first and foremost being an asshole and secondly...was extremely jealous of her window seat since I'm still one of the four people above the age of 8 who likes flying on planes and gets kind of excited about takeoffs and landings. In fact I was straining to look out the window too because it is at night when Los Angeles is pretty awesome to see. The darkness hides the fact that most of the city is either grey or a weird half dead brown color and there aren't really any trees...instead its a glittering landscape that looks pretty awe inspiring.
But back to my own self loathing realization that I was being an asshole. I WAS. Which was stupid. Why was i constructing this entire narrative for a woman I've never met and had no clue what her possible reasons for being on this plane were. Maybe her grandmother passed away and she was coming out to Los Angeles to bury her. Maybe she wanted to be in porn. Either way I was being stupid.
This leads me to my grand story about the huge bitch who was on the plane going from Los Angeles to Minneapolis. I have a picture of her that I took but I guess I won't upload it for now. Anyways to keep this boring story short I will say this. Woman in front of me in security line that happened to be huge is whining the whole time. The line will move at its own speed regardless of how much you audibly complain about how slow the line is going. Also trying to be LINE POLICE and informing people that they can't cut in front when they weren't even going to is annoying. Shut your face. Please stop telling us about how much better Southwest Airlines is when you're flying to San Francisco.....GUESS WHAT BITCH, YOU'RE FLYING TO MINNEAPOLIS AND TAKING NORTHWEST SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW AWESOME AND GREAT SOUTHWEST IS AND HOW YOU HURT YOUR BACK LAST YEAR SO YOU COULD IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO CUT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE WITH YOUR STUPID DISABILITY WAIVER OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, THEN FUCKING DO IT OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Oh and thanks for being overweight because when I tried to go past you when we were boarding I couldn't because you're too FUCKING FAT so I couldn't squeeze by you.
By the way Minnesota was lovely despite the rain and occasional snow. It was shockingly refreshing to have some other weather. I also met some other people on the blog rolls and the premiere was fun.
SOME PEOPLE STAND IN THE DARKNESS, AFRAID TO STEP IN TO THE LIGHT
Let me quickly say that this intro randomly popped in to my head and I posted it but this also lead to me remembering the episode where C.J. (Pamela Andersons character) meets some former actor guy who is now a homeless dude who lives in Venice. He dies and I think he leaves a bunch of money to her. This is a touching story but has one small flaw. Anyone who sells rags and random crap in Venice is probably not really rich and choosing to leave on the streets, but rather just a fucking weirdo who is selling weird trinkets and or terrible paintings of Bob Marley.
I was flying last week and we (as a collective flight) were getting ready to land. As we descended over the insanely huge sprawl that is known as the greater Los Angeles area the woman who was seated at the window seat was excitedly peering out the window. In my mind for a brief second I thought to myself, "What's the big deal? It's just Los Angeles and half the time this city sucks." HAHAHA I thought with my small moral superiority victory over this "idiot" who is coming to California as a tourist loser. I actually thought of myself as better than her for about 10 seconds then got really sad when I realized that I was first and foremost being an asshole and secondly...was extremely jealous of her window seat since I'm still one of the four people above the age of 8 who likes flying on planes and gets kind of excited about takeoffs and landings. In fact I was straining to look out the window too because it is at night when Los Angeles is pretty awesome to see. The darkness hides the fact that most of the city is either grey or a weird half dead brown color and there aren't really any trees...instead its a glittering landscape that looks pretty awe inspiring.
But back to my own self loathing realization that I was being an asshole. I WAS. Which was stupid. Why was i constructing this entire narrative for a woman I've never met and had no clue what her possible reasons for being on this plane were. Maybe her grandmother passed away and she was coming out to Los Angeles to bury her. Maybe she wanted to be in porn. Either way I was being stupid.
This leads me to my grand story about the huge bitch who was on the plane going from Los Angeles to Minneapolis. I have a picture of her that I took but I guess I won't upload it for now. Anyways to keep this boring story short I will say this. Woman in front of me in security line that happened to be huge is whining the whole time. The line will move at its own speed regardless of how much you audibly complain about how slow the line is going. Also trying to be LINE POLICE and informing people that they can't cut in front when they weren't even going to is annoying. Shut your face. Please stop telling us about how much better Southwest Airlines is when you're flying to San Francisco.....GUESS WHAT BITCH, YOU'RE FLYING TO MINNEAPOLIS AND TAKING NORTHWEST SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW AWESOME AND GREAT SOUTHWEST IS AND HOW YOU HURT YOUR BACK LAST YEAR SO YOU COULD IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO CUT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE WITH YOUR STUPID DISABILITY WAIVER OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, THEN FUCKING DO IT OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Oh and thanks for being overweight because when I tried to go past you when we were boarding I couldn't because you're too FUCKING FAT so I couldn't squeeze by you.
By the way Minnesota was lovely despite the rain and occasional snow. It was shockingly refreshing to have some other weather. I also met some other people on the blog rolls and the premiere was fun.
SOME PEOPLE STAND IN THE DARKNESS, AFRAID TO STEP IN TO THE LIGHT
Let me quickly say that this intro randomly popped in to my head and I posted it but this also lead to me remembering the episode where C.J. (Pamela Andersons character) meets some former actor guy who is now a homeless dude who lives in Venice. He dies and I think he leaves a bunch of money to her. This is a touching story but has one small flaw. Anyone who sells rags and random crap in Venice is probably not really rich and choosing to leave on the streets, but rather just a fucking weirdo who is selling weird trinkets and or terrible paintings of Bob Marley.
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