Or rather, what the fuck is this bullshit? At my work I found a few coupons for a $7.95 "Varsity Haircut" at SportsClips. According to the coupon, "Guys Win, Sports on TV, and Guy Smart Stylists." Included is an extremely cheesy picture of a guy getting a haircut from a woman in a terrible windbreaker jacket that is evidently "athletic" in nature. Did I mention the coupon is shaped like a ticket stub.
On the back of the ticket the slogan says "Where guys are treated like M.V.P.s EVERY DAY!" According to its own website, the story of SportsClips began when CEO Gordan Logan "recognized there was a market niche in targeting just for guys hair salons. No longer would a guy have to enter a woman's salon with its smelley perms and hair colors." They will also deliver haircuts without all that "Fuss and chit chat of a full service salon." Did I mention they have lots of televisions with sports on them. So far it doesn't sound that bad but on the other hand it doesn't sound that good either. The premise is stupid if you ask me but evidently this is a wildly popular growing business according to the website.
Two things that strike me as fundamentally wrong with this company. First I would like to point out that if you were really a true sports fan you wouldn't go to get your haircut if there was anything even remotely important regarding sports that you cared about going on at the same time. It's Sunday afternoon and the Vikings need to win to seal the division. I'm not about to go to Sportscuts just because they'll have a tv with the game on. Secondly, who gives a shit about the "chit chat" and the "smells." Say what you want but I enjoy it! Going into a nicer salon and getting a nice hair cut from a woman (or the occasional man) who knows what the fuck is up is nice and relaxing. Do we as society (and as sports fans) really need a place to get our haircut that is sports related? Must we also make the women working at sportscuts dress in terrible terrible uniforms? I guess we do.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Late Night Television
In the blur that is late night television I saw 3 things that either made me laugh or made me feel disturbed.
First was the new Extenze male enhancement commercial. I only saw the last second as a new informercial was coming on but what I did seed is extenze now has some sort of drink that will evidently make you "bigger." Yes, it comes in a aluminum can and it was really weird. Maybe it tastes like MONSTER.
Secondly I saw a commercial where this young lady was walking around and basically every guy she ran into whether it was the hot guy at school or the creepy old guy at the movie theater kept saying hi to her. Except as the commercial progressed the people saying hi got creepier and asked things like "What underwear are you wearing today." The message at the end though was simply that you should be careful of what you post online. Interesting.
Lastly and I think I've already posted about this before but basically there is this one bowel cleansing commercial where this dude with creepy eyebrows talks about how much bad stuff we breathe in and eat. They show a really weird picture of what is allegedly a "colon discharge" following a cleanse. It was a big green blob. Disgusting.
Thanks Late night tv.
First was the new Extenze male enhancement commercial. I only saw the last second as a new informercial was coming on but what I did seed is extenze now has some sort of drink that will evidently make you "bigger." Yes, it comes in a aluminum can and it was really weird. Maybe it tastes like MONSTER.
Secondly I saw a commercial where this young lady was walking around and basically every guy she ran into whether it was the hot guy at school or the creepy old guy at the movie theater kept saying hi to her. Except as the commercial progressed the people saying hi got creepier and asked things like "What underwear are you wearing today." The message at the end though was simply that you should be careful of what you post online. Interesting.
Lastly and I think I've already posted about this before but basically there is this one bowel cleansing commercial where this dude with creepy eyebrows talks about how much bad stuff we breathe in and eat. They show a really weird picture of what is allegedly a "colon discharge" following a cleanse. It was a big green blob. Disgusting.
Thanks Late night tv.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Ultimate 80's Comedy Starring Me
The movie would be called Wave Racer. I would be a a kid from California that moves to a town of approximately 14,000 in Michigan. The town would be primarily blue collar factory type workers and I would be the outsider surfer dude. My parents would have just divorced and now I'm moving back to Michigan to live with my mom (where she is originally from). The opening scene would have the song Surfin' USA playing ironically as I am on the airplane with my walkman blasting as you see a brief montage of me on the plane. When the plane lands I look out the window and see snow. I react with a stunned look as I am in board shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt. I greet my mother at the gate and she immediately tells me how I'll love it here and how its not that bad and how I'll make all new friends. (This also sets up the subsequent sequel where I am back in California and the girlfriend I met back in Michigan comes to visit me and she is now the fish out of water.)
The first day of school I step out of my moms rusty car and after she wishes me a good first day and drives off I get in the face with a snowball while a group of tough looking dudes in stupid looking school jackets laugh and tell me if I'm going to go to the beach and cry about it.
I will be greeted immediately be an awkward but endearing guy and a bookish but cute girl who is to shy to really say anything to me but she is wearing overalls that are 3 sizes too big and a pink dayglow shirt underneath them.
I will fill in more details later but there is definitely going to be a montage set to the Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight, in which I'm very angry and sad and there has to be a key scene where the camera is juxtaposed over my shoulder in my bedroom as I stare longinly at a poster of a palm tree. There will also be the triumphant end scene at a party where I stun the local bullies who tormented me the entire movie when a above ground swimming pool breaks and I surf the wave that is created while simultaneously knocking the main bully and his henchmen to the ground.
The first day of school I step out of my moms rusty car and after she wishes me a good first day and drives off I get in the face with a snowball while a group of tough looking dudes in stupid looking school jackets laugh and tell me if I'm going to go to the beach and cry about it.
I will be greeted immediately be an awkward but endearing guy and a bookish but cute girl who is to shy to really say anything to me but she is wearing overalls that are 3 sizes too big and a pink dayglow shirt underneath them.
I will fill in more details later but there is definitely going to be a montage set to the Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight, in which I'm very angry and sad and there has to be a key scene where the camera is juxtaposed over my shoulder in my bedroom as I stare longinly at a poster of a palm tree. There will also be the triumphant end scene at a party where I stun the local bullies who tormented me the entire movie when a above ground swimming pool breaks and I surf the wave that is created while simultaneously knocking the main bully and his henchmen to the ground.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Not In Defense of Stupidity
Let me be clear. I am a pretty normal guy who believes in certain things and sometimes these things are worth fighting for...protesting and all that fun. That said I find out today that the 21 month (Yes, Month) standoff at Berkeley ended. The standoff was over the plan to cut down multiple redwood trees on campus to make way for a new athletic center.
I'm not going to get into the protest itself but rather that these people were up there for 21 months. They are either extremely well off or...well homeless or something. I mean if I could just hang out for 21 months I definitely would. 21 fucking months of doing nothing but sitting in a fucking tree? Where can I sign up?! Or better yet I'll do a sit in at a bedroom...even if it means urinating and defecating in a bucket that I empty from a 7th floor bedroom I can stay isolated that long if I'm drawing in money/donations.
I guess I do have one bone to pick with the protestors. Evidently they were against the building of this new athletic center and cited the fact that this building would sit on the Hayward fault line and is therefore dangerous. I have some news for you...all of California is sitting on various fault lines and it is inherently dangerous to live in and around California. The good news is that at least one of the "mature redwoods" is being relocated.
Edit/Update: Upon further investigation and checking the L.A. Times, I've found out that at times tree sitters rotated. One of the tree sitters who was up for 7 months calls herself "Dumpster Muffin." Right.
I'm not going to get into the protest itself but rather that these people were up there for 21 months. They are either extremely well off or...well homeless or something. I mean if I could just hang out for 21 months I definitely would. 21 fucking months of doing nothing but sitting in a fucking tree? Where can I sign up?! Or better yet I'll do a sit in at a bedroom...even if it means urinating and defecating in a bucket that I empty from a 7th floor bedroom I can stay isolated that long if I'm drawing in money/donations.
I guess I do have one bone to pick with the protestors. Evidently they were against the building of this new athletic center and cited the fact that this building would sit on the Hayward fault line and is therefore dangerous. I have some news for you...all of California is sitting on various fault lines and it is inherently dangerous to live in and around California. The good news is that at least one of the "mature redwoods" is being relocated.
Edit/Update: Upon further investigation and checking the L.A. Times, I've found out that at times tree sitters rotated. One of the tree sitters who was up for 7 months calls herself "Dumpster Muffin." Right.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
In Defense of Stupidity
The Vikings lost against the Packers early tonight/yesterday and boy did it ruin my day. With that in mind I move on to more pressing issues.
So evidently the Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej has been ordered to resign after being found guilty of violating the constitution after he went on a cooking show. How embarrassing is that? I just found that funny.
The real meat of this post though involves the folks at Forbes. Forbes is currently in extremely dubious standing with me right now as they rank the University of Minnesota as the 524th best college in America out of 569. That's right folks...Millsaps College is 400 spots better! Besides the dubious ranking methods I am incredulous as why my degree is worth so little. That said I really wanted to talk about the Forbes ranking of Best Cities for Singles.
They came out with a new list and Minneapolis is tied at 3rd with Dallas for best cities for singles. I would argue that there is no "best city" for singles because when you're single you are going to feel like shit and if you are dating someone you can live in Butte, Montana or New York, New York and you'll feel good about yourself. It is definitely worth noting that they list Atlanta as the number one city to be single in which in itself should be a warning sign.
Insert self-deprecating joke about being single in the number 3 city.
So evidently the Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej has been ordered to resign after being found guilty of violating the constitution after he went on a cooking show. How embarrassing is that? I just found that funny.
The real meat of this post though involves the folks at Forbes. Forbes is currently in extremely dubious standing with me right now as they rank the University of Minnesota as the 524th best college in America out of 569. That's right folks...Millsaps College is 400 spots better! Besides the dubious ranking methods I am incredulous as why my degree is worth so little. That said I really wanted to talk about the Forbes ranking of Best Cities for Singles.
They came out with a new list and Minneapolis is tied at 3rd with Dallas for best cities for singles. I would argue that there is no "best city" for singles because when you're single you are going to feel like shit and if you are dating someone you can live in Butte, Montana or New York, New York and you'll feel good about yourself. It is definitely worth noting that they list Atlanta as the number one city to be single in which in itself should be a warning sign.
Insert self-deprecating joke about being single in the number 3 city.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
A Short History of Torture - The Minnesota Vikings
It is almost football season which means one thing. The eventual heart wrenching end to another Vikings season. Here is a short list of hilarious incidents in Vikings history.
*Vikings vs. Cardinals, Dec. 28, 2003 - Needing a victory to make the playoffs the mighty Arizona Cardinals with their 3-12 record manage to defeat the Vikings on a last second play to dash the Vikings hopes. The Cardinals on that last play were in a 4th & 25 situation.
*Vikings vs. 49ers, Oct. 25, 1964 - Jim Marshall runs the wrong way and instead of scoring a touchdown ends up giving the 49ers 2 points. The Vikings win the game, but this highlight will be included in every "Wildest Plays" countdown for the rest of eternity.
*Vikings vs. Falcons, Dec. 1, 2002 - In another highlight reel video, [[Michael Vick]] defeats the Vikings in overtime as he scrambles causing two Viking players to collide.
*Vikings vs. Cowboys, Jan. 3, 1983 - In another highlight reel video that goes down in history, [[Tony Dorsett]] runs a 99 yard touchdown. This is the longest run from scrimmage in NFL history. He does this even though the Cowboys have only 10 players on the field at the time.
*Vikings vs. Green Bay Packers/Antonio Freeman, Nov. 6, 2000 - Another highlight play to go down in history. In overtime (Wow this happens a lot!) a pass is deflected by a Vikings defender...it hits off of Freeman's shoulder, rolls up in the air and into his hands. Another clip of shame is added to the Minnesota Vikings long list.
*Vikings vs. Cowboys, Dec. 28, 1975 - Have you ever wondered where the term for a last second desperation bomb known as a "Hail Mary" came from? Well it came from Roger Staubach refers to his pass as a hail mary in postgame interviews...following of course a last second long bomb that defeats the Vikings in the playoffs. Worth noting is that [[Fran Tarkenton]]'s father who was watching the game died of a heart attack during the 3rd quarter. Even more, the reason the Cowboys were able to complete this Hail Mary pass is because the Dallas receiver Drew Pearson pushes down the Vikings defender and no penalty is called. The Cowboys are cheaters.
*Vikings vs. Falcons, Jan. 17, 1999 - Vikings with a league best 15-1 record and an amazing offensive core come into the NFC Championship game with high hopes. Many feel they are the odds on favorites to win the Superbowl. [[Gary Anderson]] manages to miss a fieldgoal...something he didn't do all season. I think we all know what happened.
*Vikings vs. Redskins, Jan. 17, 1988 - NFC Division Championship. (Jan. 17 hates the Vikings) Trailing 17-10, the Vikings drove to the Redskins' six yard line with a little over a minute left in the game but failed to get the ball into the end zone. Darren Nelson dropped a pass from Wade Wilson at the goal line to officially end the Vikings' hopes of a Super Bowl. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
*Vikings vs. Giants, Jan. 14, 2001 - Vikings come into this game feeling confident. With a 11-5 season record and a strong game against the Saints in the previous playoff game the Vikings are once again considered a legitimate contender for a Super Bowl ring. In the conference championship game they decide to show what they're really made of by letting the Giants rape the Vikings 41-0. They make [[Jason Sehorn]] look like [[Deion Sanders]] era 1995.
*Vikings vs. St. Louis Rams, Jan. 16, 2000 - The Vikings were coming into this Divisional Playoff game fresh off a victory over the Cowboys. After last seasons loss to the Falcons which put most of the state on suicide watch, the Vikings found themselves back in the playoffs with the nucleus of the 15-1 team still intact. While the Vikings certainly put up a fight in this game, they ended up being overmatched and lost 49-37. In other news, [[Jeff George]] was the goddamn QB.
*Vikings vs. Tragedy Aug. 1, 2001 - [[Korey Stringer]] tragically dies in training camp.
*Vikings vs. Superbowl - What you need to know is the Vikings have been to four Super Bowls and won none. 1970, 1974, 1975, and 1977. See also Trophy Case.
*Vikings vs. Sexboat Oct. 2005 - Alright, this is actually pretty funny.
*Vikings vs. Herschel Walker - The Largest Trade in NFL history. The Vikings got Herschel Walker. The Cowboys got 3 Super Bowls.
*Vikings vs. Randy Moss - Raiders got Randy Moss. Vikings got Napolean Harris and some guy who couldn't catch shit.
*Vikings vs. Jim Mcmahon - We actually let him be a QB on this team...along with half the NFL.
*Vikings vs. (Reserved For Future Torture)
*Vikings vs. Cardinals, Dec. 28, 2003 - Needing a victory to make the playoffs the mighty Arizona Cardinals with their 3-12 record manage to defeat the Vikings on a last second play to dash the Vikings hopes. The Cardinals on that last play were in a 4th & 25 situation.
*Vikings vs. 49ers, Oct. 25, 1964 - Jim Marshall runs the wrong way and instead of scoring a touchdown ends up giving the 49ers 2 points. The Vikings win the game, but this highlight will be included in every "Wildest Plays" countdown for the rest of eternity.
*Vikings vs. Falcons, Dec. 1, 2002 - In another highlight reel video, [[Michael Vick]] defeats the Vikings in overtime as he scrambles causing two Viking players to collide.
*Vikings vs. Cowboys, Jan. 3, 1983 - In another highlight reel video that goes down in history, [[Tony Dorsett]] runs a 99 yard touchdown. This is the longest run from scrimmage in NFL history. He does this even though the Cowboys have only 10 players on the field at the time.
*Vikings vs. Green Bay Packers/Antonio Freeman, Nov. 6, 2000 - Another highlight play to go down in history. In overtime (Wow this happens a lot!) a pass is deflected by a Vikings defender...it hits off of Freeman's shoulder, rolls up in the air and into his hands. Another clip of shame is added to the Minnesota Vikings long list.
*Vikings vs. Cowboys, Dec. 28, 1975 - Have you ever wondered where the term for a last second desperation bomb known as a "Hail Mary" came from? Well it came from Roger Staubach refers to his pass as a hail mary in postgame interviews...following of course a last second long bomb that defeats the Vikings in the playoffs. Worth noting is that [[Fran Tarkenton]]'s father who was watching the game died of a heart attack during the 3rd quarter. Even more, the reason the Cowboys were able to complete this Hail Mary pass is because the Dallas receiver Drew Pearson pushes down the Vikings defender and no penalty is called. The Cowboys are cheaters.
*Vikings vs. Falcons, Jan. 17, 1999 - Vikings with a league best 15-1 record and an amazing offensive core come into the NFC Championship game with high hopes. Many feel they are the odds on favorites to win the Superbowl. [[Gary Anderson]] manages to miss a fieldgoal...something he didn't do all season. I think we all know what happened.
*Vikings vs. Redskins, Jan. 17, 1988 - NFC Division Championship. (Jan. 17 hates the Vikings) Trailing 17-10, the Vikings drove to the Redskins' six yard line with a little over a minute left in the game but failed to get the ball into the end zone. Darren Nelson dropped a pass from Wade Wilson at the goal line to officially end the Vikings' hopes of a Super Bowl. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
*Vikings vs. Giants, Jan. 14, 2001 - Vikings come into this game feeling confident. With a 11-5 season record and a strong game against the Saints in the previous playoff game the Vikings are once again considered a legitimate contender for a Super Bowl ring. In the conference championship game they decide to show what they're really made of by letting the Giants rape the Vikings 41-0. They make [[Jason Sehorn]] look like [[Deion Sanders]] era 1995.
*Vikings vs. St. Louis Rams, Jan. 16, 2000 - The Vikings were coming into this Divisional Playoff game fresh off a victory over the Cowboys. After last seasons loss to the Falcons which put most of the state on suicide watch, the Vikings found themselves back in the playoffs with the nucleus of the 15-1 team still intact. While the Vikings certainly put up a fight in this game, they ended up being overmatched and lost 49-37. In other news, [[Jeff George]] was the goddamn QB.
*Vikings vs. Tragedy Aug. 1, 2001 - [[Korey Stringer]] tragically dies in training camp.
*Vikings vs. Superbowl - What you need to know is the Vikings have been to four Super Bowls and won none. 1970, 1974, 1975, and 1977. See also Trophy Case.
*Vikings vs. Sexboat Oct. 2005 - Alright, this is actually pretty funny.
*Vikings vs. Herschel Walker - The Largest Trade in NFL history. The Vikings got Herschel Walker. The Cowboys got 3 Super Bowls.
*Vikings vs. Randy Moss - Raiders got Randy Moss. Vikings got Napolean Harris and some guy who couldn't catch shit.
*Vikings vs. Jim Mcmahon - We actually let him be a QB on this team...along with half the NFL.
*Vikings vs. (Reserved For Future Torture)
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Remember That Old Commercial?
I measure my life in reflecting on moments I saw on television. Pretty awesome way to live. Though I'm glad this classic Folger's commercial still gets played.
This just reminded me of that Fruity Pebbles christmas commercial. Please watch this and we will discuss.
So Barney decides to dress up as Santa to try to get some Fruity Pebbles...but the real Santa has already shown up in Bedrock and Fred gave him a bowl. Not only is Barney impersonating Santa on Christmas Eve (which by the way is a big fucking deal when you're doing this to actively deceive your close friend just so you can eat his food), but Barney is too late and Santa already has his food...yet Barney still gets indignant!
Note Fred's disgust as he says, "YOUR PEBBLES?!?" Yet Santa quickly resolves this tense situation by remind him that, "Tis the season to be sharing Fred." Sorry but no. Breaking and entering, trying to deceive a friend, treating Santa like shit, and finally getting to eat Fred's pebbles anyways?! FUCK YOU BARNEY.
This just reminded me of that Fruity Pebbles christmas commercial. Please watch this and we will discuss.
So Barney decides to dress up as Santa to try to get some Fruity Pebbles...but the real Santa has already shown up in Bedrock and Fred gave him a bowl. Not only is Barney impersonating Santa on Christmas Eve (which by the way is a big fucking deal when you're doing this to actively deceive your close friend just so you can eat his food), but Barney is too late and Santa already has his food...yet Barney still gets indignant!
Note Fred's disgust as he says, "YOUR PEBBLES?!?" Yet Santa quickly resolves this tense situation by remind him that, "Tis the season to be sharing Fred." Sorry but no. Breaking and entering, trying to deceive a friend, treating Santa like shit, and finally getting to eat Fred's pebbles anyways?! FUCK YOU BARNEY.
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