Chuck Klosterman Mind Sucked Me

I have never read any books by Chuck Klosterman. I do notice that a ton of people own his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto.

First I need to point out that I'm trying to write a book exactly like the one he wrote. Of course he is now rich and famous and I'm not. The point is that he wrote a book about things I was going to write about. I can't devote 4 chapters of my book to Saved By The Bell now because I'd just be labeled a Chuck Klostermann wanna be. I was after doing some research into this "Chuck" fellow he also wrote about porn. I mean if there is one thing that I might be able to claim authority on in this world it might be porn...but no, fucking Kolsterman beats me too it.

Even worse I just found out he was from this area too!! Born in fucking Minnesota. He is totally killing my whole schtick. He also talks about sports as a metaphor for life...jesus christ is this guy me but only older? I'm honestly really upset now.

At least Grand Theft Auto 4 is coming out.

Wild Lose

No time to talk about real pressing matters, the only thing going on right now in my head even a day or two removed is that the Minnesota Wild season is over. You assholes.

Pathetic

The sense of satisfaction that I get when I clean up my inbox, I.E. I clear out the spam, delete messages I have read, and then get my internet "life" in order actually makes me feel like I did something. Then I look at Facebook for a while and check the message boards I frequent.

Pathetic.

Directors Should Never Cast Their Wives

Just a rule of mine that I think serves itself well. Even if she is really an amazing actress and would work great in the role, if I know she is the directors wife or for that matter, directors casts husband, gay lover, whatever...if I know about it I get bugged.

It's even worse when the woman fucking sucks at acting. Kevin Smith has cast his wife in Clerks II playing the love interest of Dante. I would find directing my wife to kiss a friend of mine really weird. He does even better in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back when he casts his wife as one of the sexy seductress women who liberate animals...only problem is stacked against Eliza Dushku, Shannon Elizabeth, and Ali Larter his wife is a fucking dog. Don't get me wrong, she is a beautiful lady but don't put her next to these 3 gals.

Rob Zombie casts his wife a lot too...problem I have with him is that he is obsessed with some sort of bizarro Hill Billy motif. Secondly, his trailer was by far the shittiest fake trailer that came out of Grindhouse. The best is obviously Machette.

Insert R. Kelly Joke

The New Yorker has an article about a guy back in 1999 who was stuck in an elevator for 41 hours. Fun times were had by all. CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE!


This really begs the question...what would you do stuck in an elevator for 41 hours? Me, probably go insane and have wild mood swings. Everything from manic, to happy, to sobbing uncontrollably.

Here is a time lapse of the poor guy:

I Need To Buy This

Sean Connery has the idea.

Get Up, Stand Up: Stand Up for Your Rights

Yeah so I went to the Minnesota Roller Girls championship game last night at Roy Wilkins. Color me surprised when I ended up liking it and thinking that I will be attending more games next season.

Negative on the fatass who berated me for standing in the wrong place for like 5 seconds. His double chin look of disgust was annoying. Just politely ask me to move not act like I just shit on your mothers grave.

A big negative award of the week also goes to ME for losing my own fucking jacket. Fucking hell I'm still bitter about this.

Overheard on Campus

By overheard I mean this dude is talking on his cellphone loud as hell.

"Hey dude, just calling wondering if you had any special plans for 4/20? Yeah I was wondering if you had any plans....oh yeah totally should get a bag of special stuff. (LATER ON) YEAH I'm totally sucking at life, I am not waking up on time and totally skipping classes a lot blah blah I have to park on campus its totally a bummer. I have to take a shuttle and all the bike people."

First of all, why refer to the stuff you have to get as "special stuff" when you're blabbing about 4/20. We know what you're talking about dude. Secondly, nice Deftones shirt and pants with zippers all over them.

Rock over London, Rock On Chicago, Wheaties Breakfast of Champions

Loud Mouth Ass Update:

He calls his boss and asks for time off on the 19th and 20th...but then calls his friend and finds out his friend is free this weekend and not the weekend of the 19th and 20th. Response: "DUDE...HARDCORE."


Life rolls on.

I Bet Heroin Isn't THAT Bad

This is always a constant discussion amongst friends. Its kind of a six degrees of separation except you argue about the access to drugs. Sure I know a few people who are a bit more shady then others and typically a drug like marijuana would theoretically a single person/phone call away where as harder drugs may take another call or two. The mystery drug though is always heroin. I don't know anyone who has ever done it, have even heard about someone I know or someones friends friend do it, and for that matter who could get it.

Heroin it would seem is not only hard to get but is somehow elusive. Shunned by high class drug addicts, ravers, and the homeless alike. This is turning into a pseduo-Tarantino esque monologue about drugs though so I'm cutting it off now.

P.S. Just rewatched The Bourne Ultimatum lastnight and I'm pretty sure Matt Damon could kick God's ass at this point.

No Drunks Allowed

First of all, I'm going by advice from Dan and am going to start giving out some pearls of wisdom.

Pearl of Wisdom #1: Make sure to live somewhere shitty, so you can afford to live there.

Pearl of Wisdom #2: Do not search for crack in Google Image Search with Safe Search off...you will not like what you see, EVER.

In other news drunk people are fucking loud as fuck and if I'm not drunk its not nearly as fun.


Finally, I feel like the blogvolution will not be televised...meaning shit, remember when the bridge collapsed? I could have run down to the bridge area and started live blogging and people would be linking to my blog and seeing my really stupid posts in my post history but since I'm doing live stuff I would be hot shit.

So...what I plan on doing is blogging the Republican National Convention and what not. I'm sure I can catch some cop cracking hippy skull or something.

SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YO MOMMA

So I think my landlord just made my bike "disappear." In that they were messing around with a railing that I had my bike locked on to and then when I got home all the bikes that were connect to these rails are now missing. Pretty sweet. Given that I have no car and the bike is essentially my only transportation besides public transit this is extremely annoying.

Bus Drama


Yesterday I was on the bus on my way home and as I got on a young woman in the front of the bus who looked like she was not having a very fun time said something to the effect of, "Can you call an ambulance...I don't feel very good." The bus driver seemed confused but proceeded to call an ambulance. Weird part...she was seemingly talking/listening to someone or thing on her cell phone at the time. The bus driver pointed this out incredulously as he stated, "YOU WANT ME to call an ambulance while you're on your cellphone?!?"

He did anyways so the jokes on him....still it was weird. I wonder if she was dying or something? Life is weird.