I was at the bar yesterday enjoying myself. It was Sunday. I was hoping for a peaceful drink or two followed by some introspection while I listen to some tunes on the jukebox. Lets make one thing clear. I don't mind chatting to people at the bar, but we all know that there are the dudes and on occasion dudettes who are too fucking loud, too annoying, and have no social tact.
Well the mother fucking guy looked like Branscombe Richmond but a lot more haggard. If it was really you Branscombe I apologize. Either way I'm chilling and I'm talking with the bartender and he goes on to comment about how I'm a funny guy. Then he indicates that while I'm funny the difference between myself and himself is that I would freeze up if I was demanded to be funny but he wouldn't because he is a performer...or something. Later he would talk about how he went to high school with Paris Hilton's mom and how she was a total bitch at their high school reunion. Even later he would engage with a few people on why Goldman Sach's was a piece of shit and started engaging in politics. It was exciting.
He was wearing cowboy boots too and had a big gold nose ring like a pirate. Another day, another dollar.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Manute Bol is Dead
Allegedly, Charles Barkley has told a story about how Manute Bol tied his own penis in to a knot in the locker room.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
FO GET WUT U HERRRDDD
If you don't like Gordon Ramsay you suck. In danger of sounding snobbish, the shows he has that air over in the UK on Channel 4 are so much better than the ones that air here on Fox. Kitchen Nightmares and The F Word are two of my favorite shows.
The US version of Kitchen Nightmares is garbage. It's overproduced with a lame voice over. In the US version they help redo the restaurant by typically completely remodeling the restaurants (on the shows dime, not the owners) and install new equipment. In the UK version its a much simpler less stripped down version. It's got that English refinement you'd come to expect from something like an Aston Martin.
It's more than Ramsay yelling at people. He tears them down in the grand tradition of a drill sergeant and then rebuilds them. He cares. He just happens to swear. I suggest you check out some of the episodes on youtube. They're there. Fun times.
Although I admit I'll watch Hell's Kitchen in a terrible sort of way.
The US version of Kitchen Nightmares is garbage. It's overproduced with a lame voice over. In the US version they help redo the restaurant by typically completely remodeling the restaurants (on the shows dime, not the owners) and install new equipment. In the UK version its a much simpler less stripped down version. It's got that English refinement you'd come to expect from something like an Aston Martin.
It's more than Ramsay yelling at people. He tears them down in the grand tradition of a drill sergeant and then rebuilds them. He cares. He just happens to swear. I suggest you check out some of the episodes on youtube. They're there. Fun times.
Although I admit I'll watch Hell's Kitchen in a terrible sort of way.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Celtics vs. Lakers
I write this moments before game seven is about to start. I'd like to first say that I'm completely indifferent on who wins this game. The closest thing that I have to a personal connection to either team is that the Los Angeles Lakers were once the Minneapolis Lakers and that Kevin Garnett was once on the T-Wolves. I was happy to see KG win a title with Boston, but at this point I don't really care.
I would like to reach out with an olive branch of peace to all the Laker fans out there. They get an undeserved rap as being front runners, fair weather, and being non-passionate/knowledgeable. Like any good franchise that has a gigantic history of winning, the fans are demanding. When they complain about not winning the title, one has to put it in to the context that they are used to winning a lot more. Does this mean they're obnoxious and I don't like them? Yes. But it certainly makes some sense. They're like the Yankees. They are expected to win, so if they lose out in the first round of the playoffs fans are going to be disappointed. As opposed to say, the Detroit Lions and their fans...where if they have a winning record this coming year it would be cause for celebration.
Really when it comes down to it, I don't really find the Celtics all that likable either. Prior to the 'big three' trade, Boston fans were going ape shit about how bad they were. They were openly rooting for them to tank so they could get the first overall pick in the draft lottery and when that didn't happen people were pissed. Then they lucked in to the current line up they have now, won a title, and the bandwagon was back on track. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with the teams with bandwagons. A successful team will attract new fans. That is how things work. I just get annoyed since in the last 10 years the New England sports area has had nearly unparalleled success. So their fans bitching about anything is annoying. In the Bruins, Celtics, and Red Sox they have some of the most historically storied franchises of all time. With the Patriots, they've had insane success lately as well. Cry me a river that one of your sports teams isn't winning a title every year.
My policy is that if you're a team that is within 250 miles of the Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, or the southern border of the United states, I probably hate your team a lot.
I would like to reach out with an olive branch of peace to all the Laker fans out there. They get an undeserved rap as being front runners, fair weather, and being non-passionate/knowledgeable. Like any good franchise that has a gigantic history of winning, the fans are demanding. When they complain about not winning the title, one has to put it in to the context that they are used to winning a lot more. Does this mean they're obnoxious and I don't like them? Yes. But it certainly makes some sense. They're like the Yankees. They are expected to win, so if they lose out in the first round of the playoffs fans are going to be disappointed. As opposed to say, the Detroit Lions and their fans...where if they have a winning record this coming year it would be cause for celebration.
Really when it comes down to it, I don't really find the Celtics all that likable either. Prior to the 'big three' trade, Boston fans were going ape shit about how bad they were. They were openly rooting for them to tank so they could get the first overall pick in the draft lottery and when that didn't happen people were pissed. Then they lucked in to the current line up they have now, won a title, and the bandwagon was back on track. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with the teams with bandwagons. A successful team will attract new fans. That is how things work. I just get annoyed since in the last 10 years the New England sports area has had nearly unparalleled success. So their fans bitching about anything is annoying. In the Bruins, Celtics, and Red Sox they have some of the most historically storied franchises of all time. With the Patriots, they've had insane success lately as well. Cry me a river that one of your sports teams isn't winning a title every year.
My policy is that if you're a team that is within 250 miles of the Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, or the southern border of the United states, I probably hate your team a lot.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting
At least according to Elton John. Although its hard to imagine John going out on the town, getting drunk, and then thinking "Hey, I want to kick someones ass!" Saturday night is also a good night to stay in and blog....right? Being broke and tired has that effect on me.
Riding my bike on the beaches of Santa Monica today and who do I see but one Kate Beckinsale (along with her family) as the prepared for a little bike ride. No, I didn't say anything to them nor did I try to get a photo. What I did recognize is that I'm a revoltingly ugly troll compared to her. I know we're not comparing my male beauty to her female beauty, but on a sliding scale from horrible burn victim up to Greek god or goddess, I fall somewhat further down the sliding scale where as she is pretty high up on the goddess factor. Sure, it might have to do with the fact that she is a highly paid actress who when not acting can work out all the time and eat extremely healthy because she probably has someone monitoring her diet to some degree, but none the less the chasm of beauty is at an all time high.
Speaking of Saturday, another Saturday Night Live Season has ended. This ain't YO DADDIES SNL. By that I mean it was neither a spectacular season nor was it a horrific season. Of course the usual refrain is that SNL sucks or is slipping when in fact, that is always the accusation of a long running television show. If you go back and look at the news group postings about The Simpsons nerds were flipping their shit as early as Season 3 saying, "It's just not as good as it used to be." If only they knew how far things would go.
Anyhow, SNL is always allegedly bad. With time we can look back and look and see where it was legitimately bad and struggling but I think that you have a lot of strong performers in the cast right now. The biggest issue that springs to my mind is that the constant Obama/Political cold opens have to stop. For one thing, they're typically not that compelling. Say something, be controversial, call Obama a piece of shit or something. A seven minute cold open with Obama addressing the country and vaguely pokes fun at himself is about as fun as watching the real Obama address the country. There was a time when SNL was essentially the only bastion of political satire that would reach huge audiences. That time is obviously over. From the endless line of blogs, pop culture websites, and fake news (Colbert, Stewart) SNL fights a losing battle for the most part. They cannot be as timely nor are they usually as incisive. Although they can still be massively culturally relevant. One has to look no further than Tina Fey's Sarah Palin. I knew that shit was huge when my dad of all people mentioned it to me in a phone conversation. I think this is the first time my dad has ever even mentioned SNL or anything comedy related so I knew it was big.
So please Saturday Night Live, move away from the constant political cold opens. Also, do not fire/cut any of the current female cast.
Riding my bike on the beaches of Santa Monica today and who do I see but one Kate Beckinsale (along with her family) as the prepared for a little bike ride. No, I didn't say anything to them nor did I try to get a photo. What I did recognize is that I'm a revoltingly ugly troll compared to her. I know we're not comparing my male beauty to her female beauty, but on a sliding scale from horrible burn victim up to Greek god or goddess, I fall somewhat further down the sliding scale where as she is pretty high up on the goddess factor. Sure, it might have to do with the fact that she is a highly paid actress who when not acting can work out all the time and eat extremely healthy because she probably has someone monitoring her diet to some degree, but none the less the chasm of beauty is at an all time high.
Speaking of Saturday, another Saturday Night Live Season has ended. This ain't YO DADDIES SNL. By that I mean it was neither a spectacular season nor was it a horrific season. Of course the usual refrain is that SNL sucks or is slipping when in fact, that is always the accusation of a long running television show. If you go back and look at the news group postings about The Simpsons nerds were flipping their shit as early as Season 3 saying, "It's just not as good as it used to be." If only they knew how far things would go.
Anyhow, SNL is always allegedly bad. With time we can look back and look and see where it was legitimately bad and struggling but I think that you have a lot of strong performers in the cast right now. The biggest issue that springs to my mind is that the constant Obama/Political cold opens have to stop. For one thing, they're typically not that compelling. Say something, be controversial, call Obama a piece of shit or something. A seven minute cold open with Obama addressing the country and vaguely pokes fun at himself is about as fun as watching the real Obama address the country. There was a time when SNL was essentially the only bastion of political satire that would reach huge audiences. That time is obviously over. From the endless line of blogs, pop culture websites, and fake news (Colbert, Stewart) SNL fights a losing battle for the most part. They cannot be as timely nor are they usually as incisive. Although they can still be massively culturally relevant. One has to look no further than Tina Fey's Sarah Palin. I knew that shit was huge when my dad of all people mentioned it to me in a phone conversation. I think this is the first time my dad has ever even mentioned SNL or anything comedy related so I knew it was big.
So please Saturday Night Live, move away from the constant political cold opens. Also, do not fire/cut any of the current female cast.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Least Liked Women in History
In No Particular Order:
1. Marie Antoinette - Although she never actually said it, often attributed with the statement, "LET THEM EAT CAKE." Which I do. I eat cake.
2. Yoko Ono - Blamed for ruining The Beatles and dredging up the fact that yes, she was married to John Lenno.
3. Madame Ngo Dinh Nhu - First Lady of South Vietnam from 1955-1963. Well known as a world class bitch. Referred to Thích Quảng Đức (the Buddhist monk who famously lit himself ablaze) immolation as a "barbecue" and stated, "Let them burn and we shall clap our hands."
4. Mother Theresa - Total bitch
5. Hera - Her husband Zeus has a lot of kids with other women mortal and immortal. When Heracles is born the logical thing is to send two snakes at the young baby and have him killed. That failed.
1. Marie Antoinette - Although she never actually said it, often attributed with the statement, "LET THEM EAT CAKE." Which I do. I eat cake.
2. Yoko Ono - Blamed for ruining The Beatles and dredging up the fact that yes, she was married to John Lenno.
3. Madame Ngo Dinh Nhu - First Lady of South Vietnam from 1955-1963. Well known as a world class bitch. Referred to Thích Quảng Đức (the Buddhist monk who famously lit himself ablaze) immolation as a "barbecue" and stated, "Let them burn and we shall clap our hands."
4. Mother Theresa - Total bitch
5. Hera - Her husband Zeus has a lot of kids with other women mortal and immortal. When Heracles is born the logical thing is to send two snakes at the young baby and have him killed. That failed.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Who Wins in Nostalgic Song War?
America's - Sister Golden Hair vs. Seals and Crofts - Summer Breeze ???
Both are powerful songs that are clearly indicative of their time and place and also manage to evoke a sense of nostalgia. Does it get any more cornball/awesome than the line 'blowing through the jasmine in my mind'???
LET AMERICA DECIDE!!!
Both are powerful songs that are clearly indicative of their time and place and also manage to evoke a sense of nostalgia. Does it get any more cornball/awesome than the line 'blowing through the jasmine in my mind'???
LET AMERICA DECIDE!!!
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Highly Directed Advertisments
We all use the internet. If you're reading this you're definitely using the internet. My favorite thing about online advertisements are the ones that use your IP address to figure out where you live. That way instead of saying "Meet Sexy Singles" it says "Meet Sexy Singles in Santa Monica!" Or, "Santa Monica - Mom loses 46 pounds following 1 simple rule."
Are we to believe that people actually feel more compelled to click on that bullshit because, holy cow, that mom lives where I live!? Actually, scratch that, I know it works because people still fall for the Nigerian Prince crap all the time.
I would also like to take this time to point out that the hysteria over the KFC DoubleDown has been way overblown and verges on Obama Birther levels of stupidity. It's a sandwich that instead of bread uses chicken! Often times buns on fast food sandwiches are have absurd levels of sugar and carbs in the overly processed white bread buns. Hundreds of calories for two pieces of bread. I'm actually going to try to the double down later today so maybe my arteries will instantly harden as my blood turns gelatinous but it seems unlikely. Anyone who drinks a lot of beer...GASP....is probably worse off than someone who eats 1 freaking double down.
It's the weekend though so go out and enjoy it.
Are we to believe that people actually feel more compelled to click on that bullshit because, holy cow, that mom lives where I live!? Actually, scratch that, I know it works because people still fall for the Nigerian Prince crap all the time.
I would also like to take this time to point out that the hysteria over the KFC DoubleDown has been way overblown and verges on Obama Birther levels of stupidity. It's a sandwich that instead of bread uses chicken! Often times buns on fast food sandwiches are have absurd levels of sugar and carbs in the overly processed white bread buns. Hundreds of calories for two pieces of bread. I'm actually going to try to the double down later today so maybe my arteries will instantly harden as my blood turns gelatinous but it seems unlikely. Anyone who drinks a lot of beer...GASP....is probably worse off than someone who eats 1 freaking double down.
It's the weekend though so go out and enjoy it.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It is earth day. Today we celebrate our mother gaia who provides all we need as we nestle in her bosom.
Honestly though, who really cares about this so called "EARTH?" What we're all really wondering is when will television remake Bosom Buddies for the 21st century? Originally starring Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari this hilarious romp of a sitcom was about two guys who were kicked out of their old apartment after its demolished, find a place that only rents to women (for a good price), and so they do the obvious thing. Pretend to be women and live there!
My idea for retooling it though would add a bit of 'spice' to the whole thing. It would still be about two guys who move in to a womens only apartment complex. Only this time one of the guys is GAY!!! The gay guy is works for an advertising firm. I'd set Bosom Buddies 2.0 in Seattle. The other guy would be a smart handsome african american lawyer. Early on in the first season the ruse of dressing up as women would be exposed but they would be allowed to stay. The rest of the first season would be about all the women in the apartment building trying to court the handsome lawyer and the gay roommate trying to set him up with all the women. OH THE FUNNIES THAT WOULD HAPPEN!
Season one would end on a cliffhanger where a new owner moves in and not only is he racist and openly homophobic, but he plans on kicking out Ms. Parker (the widow who's apartment has been under rent control for years) because she doesn't pay enough rent!! The boys and ladies concoct a crazy scheme that ultimately fails, but teaches the new owner the meaning of tolerance and good will. Ms. Parker gets to stay and even gets to keep her old dog Betsy (a beagle) who would always bark at the new owner. In the finale Tom Hanks shows up as the angry owner and ultimately wins an Emmy for Best Comedic Guest Star role...or whatever that category is called.
Honestly though, who really cares about this so called "EARTH?" What we're all really wondering is when will television remake Bosom Buddies for the 21st century? Originally starring Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari this hilarious romp of a sitcom was about two guys who were kicked out of their old apartment after its demolished, find a place that only rents to women (for a good price), and so they do the obvious thing. Pretend to be women and live there!
My idea for retooling it though would add a bit of 'spice' to the whole thing. It would still be about two guys who move in to a womens only apartment complex. Only this time one of the guys is GAY!!! The gay guy is works for an advertising firm. I'd set Bosom Buddies 2.0 in Seattle. The other guy would be a smart handsome african american lawyer. Early on in the first season the ruse of dressing up as women would be exposed but they would be allowed to stay. The rest of the first season would be about all the women in the apartment building trying to court the handsome lawyer and the gay roommate trying to set him up with all the women. OH THE FUNNIES THAT WOULD HAPPEN!
Season one would end on a cliffhanger where a new owner moves in and not only is he racist and openly homophobic, but he plans on kicking out Ms. Parker (the widow who's apartment has been under rent control for years) because she doesn't pay enough rent!! The boys and ladies concoct a crazy scheme that ultimately fails, but teaches the new owner the meaning of tolerance and good will. Ms. Parker gets to stay and even gets to keep her old dog Betsy (a beagle) who would always bark at the new owner. In the finale Tom Hanks shows up as the angry owner and ultimately wins an Emmy for Best Comedic Guest Star role...or whatever that category is called.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I'm Starting A Band
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS. For far too long there have been bands. Bands that I'm not in! My main goals of starting a band are to become insanely famous and make a lot of money. I need to have a easily marketable band though. I'll be using the Pitchfork Aesthetic for maximum "cred." I'm also going to use Arcade Fire as a template. I need a large band that has both male and female members and I definitely need multiple races in the band.
1. Cute but not too sexy lead female vocalist. The girl has to be undeniably attractive but not so attractive that she is Victoria's Secret intimidating to guys. I will say she should be a mega mix of races. I'll say she is part German, French, English, Chinese girl who was born in Hawaii but lived in Nice (That's France folks) until she was 13 when her well to do mother divorced her father and moved to New York. She lived in New York until she was 19. She now lives in Silver Lake. She is 26 years old. On stage she will be known for the head gear she wears. She is partial to the ushanka (those fur russian hats) but as the set progresses and everyone gets hotter she will shed the ushanka in favor of something lighter like a throwback NBA hat such that sports the Charlotte Hornets logo.
2. Lead male vocalist should be a gruff but affable fellow. He will always be sporting some sort of peculiar facial hair that no man who works a standard 9-5 job would be able to have.....unless your 9-5 job was being a railroad baron from the late 1800's. He will be a smart young capable man who attended Sarah Lawrence for 2 years before dropping out. I'd hope he has bright shiny red hair. This band will be going for a mish-mash of clothing styles so it doesn't really matter what he wears. I'd imagine it jumps between openly embracing late 80's hip-hop and occasionally a 1920's barber.
3. 'THAT DUDE WHO PLAYS VIOLIN' Yeah I'll have that guy. He'll be back up harmonizing vocals when there isn't a violin part to the song (and often there is not) and when he's not harmonizing he'll be part of the wacky stage show presence. In lulls in the songs he will take a air cannon and shoot out t-shirts from the stage.
4. Two Girls Who Do Percussion - Its worth noting that these girls are sisters. They are separated by 7 years but they will have matching tattoos. The older girl will be the drummer and the younger sister will be whatever percussion fills need to be for the song. That could be a xylophone, weird wind chimes, tambourine, or what have you.
5. 'That Older Dude Who Could be Everyone's Dad' The older guy who seems like he is double everyones age in the band will be on bass. This is a guy who is somewhat of a journeyman. He's been in dozens of bands spanning various genres. He wasn't even supposed to be in the band but our original bass player who was my old college roommate dropped out of the band because he got this girl Sheila pregnant in Boston so he couldn't play the gig. The guy is completely gray but he can still rock and when we get our first interviews in the big rock mags he'll marvel on how fate brought him to this band and how he can't keep up with the young kids. He'll be known for dressing like a guy from Mad men would dress and he'll constantly remind us on the road how fame is fleeting. He will always be reading some stupid dime store novel on the tour bus.
6. 'That Piano Guy' The guy who plays piano on some of our songs.
7. 'The DJ' The girl who spins and scratches for our huge medley songs...she has to be a mysterious girl. In fact she is an ex-model but she will always wear hoodies and huge ski goggles to conceal her face. The point is fans/audiences will never know who she is.
8. Me - I play the recorder. I can play 'hot cross buns'.
The band name will be Nishihara Station. Our first album title will be Appear to Vindicate Thee.
1. Cute but not too sexy lead female vocalist. The girl has to be undeniably attractive but not so attractive that she is Victoria's Secret intimidating to guys. I will say she should be a mega mix of races. I'll say she is part German, French, English, Chinese girl who was born in Hawaii but lived in Nice (That's France folks) until she was 13 when her well to do mother divorced her father and moved to New York. She lived in New York until she was 19. She now lives in Silver Lake. She is 26 years old. On stage she will be known for the head gear she wears. She is partial to the ushanka (those fur russian hats) but as the set progresses and everyone gets hotter she will shed the ushanka in favor of something lighter like a throwback NBA hat such that sports the Charlotte Hornets logo.
2. Lead male vocalist should be a gruff but affable fellow. He will always be sporting some sort of peculiar facial hair that no man who works a standard 9-5 job would be able to have.....unless your 9-5 job was being a railroad baron from the late 1800's. He will be a smart young capable man who attended Sarah Lawrence for 2 years before dropping out. I'd hope he has bright shiny red hair. This band will be going for a mish-mash of clothing styles so it doesn't really matter what he wears. I'd imagine it jumps between openly embracing late 80's hip-hop and occasionally a 1920's barber.
3. 'THAT DUDE WHO PLAYS VIOLIN' Yeah I'll have that guy. He'll be back up harmonizing vocals when there isn't a violin part to the song (and often there is not) and when he's not harmonizing he'll be part of the wacky stage show presence. In lulls in the songs he will take a air cannon and shoot out t-shirts from the stage.
4. Two Girls Who Do Percussion - Its worth noting that these girls are sisters. They are separated by 7 years but they will have matching tattoos. The older girl will be the drummer and the younger sister will be whatever percussion fills need to be for the song. That could be a xylophone, weird wind chimes, tambourine, or what have you.
5. 'That Older Dude Who Could be Everyone's Dad' The older guy who seems like he is double everyones age in the band will be on bass. This is a guy who is somewhat of a journeyman. He's been in dozens of bands spanning various genres. He wasn't even supposed to be in the band but our original bass player who was my old college roommate dropped out of the band because he got this girl Sheila pregnant in Boston so he couldn't play the gig. The guy is completely gray but he can still rock and when we get our first interviews in the big rock mags he'll marvel on how fate brought him to this band and how he can't keep up with the young kids. He'll be known for dressing like a guy from Mad men would dress and he'll constantly remind us on the road how fame is fleeting. He will always be reading some stupid dime store novel on the tour bus.
6. 'That Piano Guy' The guy who plays piano on some of our songs.
7. 'The DJ' The girl who spins and scratches for our huge medley songs...she has to be a mysterious girl. In fact she is an ex-model but she will always wear hoodies and huge ski goggles to conceal her face. The point is fans/audiences will never know who she is.
8. Me - I play the recorder. I can play 'hot cross buns'.
The band name will be Nishihara Station. Our first album title will be Appear to Vindicate Thee.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
IT'S RAWWWWW!!!!
This is not Eddie Murphy Raw. It's almost that time of year...SUMMER TIME! Which means I have to officially ordain the Song Of the Summer! I'm not sure what it is yet but I can assure you it will not be a Black Eyed Peas song. I never wrote this down but I can also say that I went out on the smallest and lamest limb possible by declaring the summer of 2009 the summer of '1901' by Phoenix. It was catchy and fun and light. Be on the look out folks.
In other news my foot is jacked up and it makes it very painful to walk. Fortunately riding a bike is easy breezy beautiful cover girl. I was riding my bike the other day and I was in Venice and I'm pretty sure I saw Rosario Dawson. If you obsessively read my facebook feed you would have already known this. I think myself and Rosario would make a great couple. Of course she would have to financially support me while I pursue more serious achievements like leveling up in Modern Warfare 2 on the 360. There is a slight age difference too. She's older than me by a few years but as I've always said, love conquers all (Unless you're really old and disgusting. If that is the case then get the hell away from me old person. Why don't you go watch Matlock?!)
Speaking of Venice...man that place is chill and cool but it still manages to piss me off. First Friday on Abbot Kinney is in a nut shell a event where the first friday of the month all the stores on Abbott Kinney Boulevard stay open late and offer cool deals and open house type things and a shit ton of food trucks show up and its a big block party type feel. Lots of overpriced boutique stores filled with things I'd never buy/use but its still fun. That said it is a deadly combination. A bunch of awesome food trucks and places to drink and yet, no painfully obvious bathrooms for me to use. I had to duck in to a sushi place and pretend I was waiting for a friend so I could use the bathroom. I was seriously going to just piss in a side street but then public shame got the better of me. WHERE DA PORTA-POTTIES AT YO???
FINALLY: My ongoing war of attrition with the restaurant/beer palace known as Father's Office continues. Allegedly the burgers are to die for and I'm within 5 minutes biking distance yet I refuse to be a patron of such a place. Why? Because the dude bans ketchup because it fucks with his original intentions for flavors? A tad bit pretentious??? Maybe...and he does have a point. Steak sauce on a nice steak kills the flavor.
On the other hand. THIS IS AMERICA. LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT OR I WILL STICK A BOOT IN YOUR ASS. Let me use ketchup damnit.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Let Us Raise the Level of Discourse [FARTS]
A new day has come. Some are calling it historic. I call it Tuesday. Wait, no, I'm thinking of M. Bison's monologue from Street Fighter The Movie.
So we've got this which is classy.
That's about all I got.
So we've got this which is classy.
That's about all I got.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Quoth The Macho Man, Nevermore
To quote the hit single I'm Back off of Macho Man Randy Savage's album Be A Man, I am in fact BACK!
Nearly a month of no blogs has left me stupider and less refreshed than I ever thought I could be. Nothing exciting to speak of that I can think of to be honest. I have finally discovered the best barbecue place in all of Southern California. Granted, I didn't discover it but I did finally go there. It's called Bludso's and it is in Compton. To quote another rap luminary (although not as nearly as accomplished as Macho Man Randy Savage) I will quote one Dr. Dre. "But I'm never off, always on, til the break of dawn, C-O-M-P-T-O-N..."
Let me be clear when I say I Bludso's is definitely always on because wow...my friend and I got the meat sampler for the price of 25 dollars. Sounds pricey until you realize the sampler comes with two sides and when they say meat sampler they aren't fucking around. You got ribs, chicken, brisket, pulled pork, and sausages. I swear the damn thing weighted 6 or 7 pounds. Anyone decides to come visit me or just in Los Angeles in general I suggest you check it out.
Now on a scale from 'I don't give a shit' to 'this is amazing and if you don't pay attention right now I will spank you' Tom Petty sits right in the middle of that scale. He merely exists in my life. He has some music I like and some that I don't care for. The other night though Mary Jane's Last Dance came on the radio and it was a shockingly transcendent moment for me. The song has a relatively timeless sound to it. The video which for some reason is always stuck firmly in my mind is also rather interesting. You get an appearance from Kim Basinger as a corpse that Petty who plays a morgue worker dresses her up and has dinner with her and dances with her. In any event interpreting the song is kind of, well, open. Ignoring the obvious marijuana pun it mostly sounds to me like a lament of a love gone. Think 'Boys of Summer' by Don Henley except not as awesome.
"I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again." Perfect really. In fact I feel summer creepin' in as we speak and I am in fact tired of this town again.
Time for a corn dog.
Nearly a month of no blogs has left me stupider and less refreshed than I ever thought I could be. Nothing exciting to speak of that I can think of to be honest. I have finally discovered the best barbecue place in all of Southern California. Granted, I didn't discover it but I did finally go there. It's called Bludso's and it is in Compton. To quote another rap luminary (although not as nearly as accomplished as Macho Man Randy Savage) I will quote one Dr. Dre. "But I'm never off, always on, til the break of dawn, C-O-M-P-T-O-N..."
Let me be clear when I say I Bludso's is definitely always on because wow...my friend and I got the meat sampler for the price of 25 dollars. Sounds pricey until you realize the sampler comes with two sides and when they say meat sampler they aren't fucking around. You got ribs, chicken, brisket, pulled pork, and sausages. I swear the damn thing weighted 6 or 7 pounds. Anyone decides to come visit me or just in Los Angeles in general I suggest you check it out.
Now on a scale from 'I don't give a shit' to 'this is amazing and if you don't pay attention right now I will spank you' Tom Petty sits right in the middle of that scale. He merely exists in my life. He has some music I like and some that I don't care for. The other night though Mary Jane's Last Dance came on the radio and it was a shockingly transcendent moment for me. The song has a relatively timeless sound to it. The video which for some reason is always stuck firmly in my mind is also rather interesting. You get an appearance from Kim Basinger as a corpse that Petty who plays a morgue worker dresses her up and has dinner with her and dances with her. In any event interpreting the song is kind of, well, open. Ignoring the obvious marijuana pun it mostly sounds to me like a lament of a love gone. Think 'Boys of Summer' by Don Henley except not as awesome.
"I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again." Perfect really. In fact I feel summer creepin' in as we speak and I am in fact tired of this town again.
Time for a corn dog.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Return to Innocence
No I'm not talking about returning to our pre-9/11 times where things made sense and the Crash never won an Oscar. I'm talking about the smash hit from Enigma that to this day haunts my dreams. Look, I'm not going to dispute whether this song is good or not. It is good. That said, I can't imagine sitting around in my cubicle in the year 1994 where the office has the radio set to a soft rock channel and this comes on and me actually really enjoying it. In fact it would depress the hell out of me.
Confession: Am I racist for always assuming the "ayyyyyyeee yayyy yahhhhh ohhh ayeee" was a Native American dude? I say no. I always imagined (yes I spent time thinking about this) the music video would be some caricature of an Indian dude wearing a big feather head dress standing on top of some really high rock formation and him just belting out his chant. Plus at the end I'd probably go class PSA garbage announcement style and maybe zoom in on his eye and show a single tear dropping down. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this.
The funny part is this dude isn't even a native american. He is in fact Sicilian.
Back to Enigma. Turns out that this chant is actually an aboriginal Taiwanese chant that was sampled from the "Jubilant Drinking Song." If you watch the video you see that it starts with an old guy and his life is going in reverse.
Enigma - Return To Innocence
Uploaded by zocomoro. - See the latest featured music videos.
This of course immediately reminds me of the Coldplay video for The Scientist.
Coldplay - The Scientist
Uploaded by itami. - See the latest featured music videos.
Which immediately reminds of the CBC Hockey Night in Canada Stanley Cup Final Game 1 intro from 2009. Which once again proves my theory. Sports + montage + song = Magic.
Confession: Am I racist for always assuming the "ayyyyyyeee yayyy yahhhhh ohhh ayeee" was a Native American dude? I say no. I always imagined (yes I spent time thinking about this) the music video would be some caricature of an Indian dude wearing a big feather head dress standing on top of some really high rock formation and him just belting out his chant. Plus at the end I'd probably go class PSA garbage announcement style and maybe zoom in on his eye and show a single tear dropping down. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this.
The funny part is this dude isn't even a native american. He is in fact Sicilian.
Back to Enigma. Turns out that this chant is actually an aboriginal Taiwanese chant that was sampled from the "Jubilant Drinking Song." If you watch the video you see that it starts with an old guy and his life is going in reverse.
Enigma - Return To Innocence
Uploaded by zocomoro. - See the latest featured music videos.
This of course immediately reminds me of the Coldplay video for The Scientist.
Coldplay - The Scientist
Uploaded by itami. - See the latest featured music videos.
Which immediately reminds of the CBC Hockey Night in Canada Stanley Cup Final Game 1 intro from 2009. Which once again proves my theory. Sports + montage + song = Magic.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Awesome Job
It's Friday night and I'm inside watching a movie. I have an excuse though. It is raining out.
I just spilled an entire bowl of salsa on myself. I was only wearing underwear and a shirt. Sweet.
I just spilled an entire bowl of salsa on myself. I was only wearing underwear and a shirt. Sweet.
Friday, February 19, 2010
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