Critical Film Analysis: Surviving the Game

I'm going to offer a weekly installment from now on, critically analyzing important films from the past century. Today's offering will be that of Surviving the Game starring, and I use the word "starring" in a way that only a man of Ice-T's stature could be capable of being THE star...especially considering other actors involved such as Gary Busey, Rutger Hauer, and Charles S. Dutton aka the token black inspirational guy in Rudy.

I will admit, this is a personal favorite movie of mine and has been for many years. Whenever I'm feeling down and I'm home alone late at night (which is 99 percent of the time) I turn on TNT or TBS and of course they'll be showing Suriviving the Game! The premise of the film is simple. Ice-T plays Jack Mason, a homeless man just trying to survive on the streets of Seattle. His only friends are a dog and another older homeless guy who I speculate is a Navy Veteran based on the battleship hat he wears. Ice-T (From now on I will refer to him as Jack) decides to hop a fence late at night to steal a huge leg/shank/chunk of meat to feed himself and his homeless compadre. Unfortunately they run into a evil police officer/security guard who brutalizes the old man. Well, they fight off the security guard and return to a homeless habitat and the poor people feast!! Oh the next morning the homeless guy is dead, probably from massive internal bleeding...but who cares, he was homeless!

Lets cut to the chase, at one point Jack (okay fuck this, I'm calling him Ice-T) Ice T tries to commit suicide but is saved by Charles S. Dutton. Dutton's character promises him a job and refers him to some other guy played by Hauer. Ice T does some physical tests and is hired as a outdoor survival consultant and they all fly to the pacific northwest. Little does Ice T know that they are all going to hunt HIM!....as we know man is the most dangerous animal of them all! Well I don't want to ruin the rest of the film for the uninitiated but let me say, what occurs from then on is quite gripping. You learn slowly that Ice T is a tortured soul who at one time had a family and a child. You also learn that Gary Busey is a psycho fucker who I doubt was really acting for the most part and was probably being himself. Below I will provide an excerpt of brilliant screen writing:

Taxi Driver: [a taxi had just ran over Mason's dog]
[Taxi driver pointing at blood painted over the front-end of the cab]
Taxi Driver: What about my taxi!
Ice T: Yo', man, fuck yo' taxi!

Truly chilling writing there!! But what artisan of the spoken word could have made such an exchange possible? From brain to paper to the silver screen, the man behind this is none other than Eric Bernt! Writer of such hit films as Romeo Must Die and Virtuosity (Which I really fucking like as well!). This is probably one of the most under appreciated pieces of art from the last century. I feel that there is a certain subtext that I must admit, frightens me to the very core. I'm not sure if you have heard of Robert Hansen before but I have. He was a serial killer. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? Wikipedia will tell you!

He began killing prostitutes around 1980; he would pay them for sex and kidnap and rape them once they were in his power. He would then fly them out to his cabin in the Knik River Valley in his private plane, and stalk and kill them with a hunting knife and a .223 caliber Ruger Mini-14 rifle.

So as you can see, truth is stranger than fiction...except for the part where Ice T gains revenge and is not a prostitute but in fact a former landlord. Next week I will be looking at a yet undecided film. Possible candidates include Commando, Over The Top, Cobra, Varsity Blues, but probably Hard Target. For a teaser, Hard Target is a movie that stars Jean Claude Van Damme...who has a big mullet and Wilford Brimley as "UNCLE DOUVEE" a moon shiner who is also a bow and arrow expert. I swear I'm not making any of this up.

Its Getting Hot In Here!

What better way to start posting on my blog than to reference a 5 year old song by America's Sweetheart, Nelly?! Yeah, I couldn't think of a better way either. So, planning a roadtrip to Alaska is a fucking pain in the ass. More updates to follow!

I ate the whole thing

I've been too much of a pussy lately but I'm going to sack up soon enough and buy a Quad Stacker from Burger King as well as a Triple Whopper. I think i can finish them down in about 15 minutes.

Pour One Out

Steve Irwin has left us. Every day after this one will ring more hollow than the last.

Don't Turn Around

Listening to music, and yeah Ace of Base is somehow the best band ever.

Temptation Island

Remember that show? I mean why go to an island to ruin your relationship? This leads me to my next point...television is great. How can you not like My Super Sweet 16? The last episode I saw was particularly inspiring. A girl was hosting here super sweet 16 party and this very rude young man knocked over her caked. It was ruined. Her party was offically FUCKED OVER and she was crying. He ended up getting arrested, or at least thrown in a squad car. Tragic really.

Faith In Humanity Meter: Low----------Medium-----X--High

The List

A "Best or Worst" of list exists to create debate. I think we all know that no one acknowledges any list as being 100% correct since lists are typically created about inherently subjective topics (See: Music or Movies). That being said I present you the list of the Top 5 Movies Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

1) Street Fighter
2) Bloodsport
3) Sudden Death (Bonus points cause he actually is in goal for a shift)
4) Universal Soldier
5) Timecop (on the list cause to avoid electrocution in one scene, he actually does aerial splits onto a kitchen counter...if that isn't awesome I don't know what is?!)

Evidently Gas Costs Money

Suddendly the nation awakes to see a goddamn gas crisis of sorts. An article today in the Tribune points out that people are suddendly questioning their awesome home buys out in New Richmond when they realize that their commute to Murderapolis is disrupted by the cost of your soul for the trip. I mean get over it people. Just do what I do. Forcibly make all friends pick me up and drive me around!!

Also if you're not a fan of CraigsList...wake up and try it!!

If this doesn't restore your faith in humanity, what will?!


Olde dude seeks NSA encounter with a sexy lady, I have a small penis, beer belly,lots grey hair on my body, also crooked frame,and boring conversationalist...so any gals up for an early morning romp??coffe first ok??, I wont be dissapointed...maybe you could send me a pic???take a chance what the hell...btw I am clean and dd free..expect the same...

Haha at Harvard

So there is that Harvard gal....she's a sophomore, like me, yet she has a book deal. Well as it turns out she is a cheating mother fucker. Kaavya Viswanathan say, "wasn't aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty's words."

Hmmm, so she plagarized mad. Publishers, set me up with a book deal and I promise you I'm will deliver the goods.

Haiku For Health

Apartment is hot
My ass is really sweaty
Time for nudity

Needs more Bacon

We need more bacon flavored things. Also, we need that gum from Willy Wonka that tastes like a full meal, minus of course blowing up to be a giant blueberry thing. I could go for some steak gum right now.

What we need is a plan!

So if we can travel in space, why can't we invent alcohol that gets you awesomely drunk but not awesomely hung over.

Also the asshole who came up with daylight savings time to in fact LOSE an hour should die.

To Desecration of Geek/Nerd Identity

I've discussed this with many people I know but I think I'm the only one who is really really really fucking bothered by it. Perhaps I'm looking into this far too much but I sort of enjoyed being a nerd/geek. I played videogames, pc games, and was into random crap. In the last few years of my existence though mainstream world and even the goddamn hipster crowd has taken over what I considered my domain. If you play videogames now a days you could be the huge frat dude, the button down business guy, or even a GIRL!! Hey, I'm all for videogame explosion and I like that more people play.

The bigger deal is things like wearing those T-Shirts that have things that say "OLD SCHOOL" and has a picture of a nintendo controller. Or somehow wearing Chuck Taylor's, a shoe that I was all up on in fifth grade is now standard geek chic/hipster decor. First of all, if you think you can flex nuts with a "OLD SCHOOOL" tshirt and have a nintendo controller you better be able to match wits with me. Have you beaten Super Mario Bros. in under 20 minutes? Have you gotten to MINUS WORLD...sure you know the Konami code, but do you know the name of your arch nemesis in Contra? If you're going to embrace this new geek chic, you better be willing to take the bad with the good. P.S. Thick black framed glasses are officially on my list of things that I don't particularly like now.

Make Money Quick

I've decided I'm going to begin begging. I'm not going to hold any old sign though. My sign will say, "Need money to invest." I think I should get a decent amount from the Carlson kids.

The Neverending Fight

Day 42 of Operation Get In Shape: Setback as I decide to sit around and eat and do nothing.

Day 55: I'm fucking lazy.

Poor retirement package at Neverland Ranch

Okay I realize posting back to back is a bit lame but this new story at CNN just rocked me to the core. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/10/jackson.ranch/index.html

California officials have fined Michael Jackson nearly $170,000 and ordered employees at the pop star's Neverland Ranch to stop working, after finding that employees had not been paid since December and the ranch's workers' compensation coverage had been allowed to lapse.

Right.....first of all, who the hell would want to work there? Secondly, I don't know of a single person who would continue to work a job when they aren't being paid. Thirdly, Michael Jackson is a nutbag. But more to the point, who the hell works when not being paid?! Also if you've read more of that article the description of Neverland Ranch is seriously spooky. So there you have it. The MAN is trying to shut down Neverland.

Summarized: 80's was the Best Decade Ever

We will never see a decade like the 80's. It was clearly the greatest time for pop-music innovation that the world has seen. From the Rubik's Cube to Miami Vice popular culture was at its peak.

If you could only have it one way, would you want Grunge forever or Duran Duran forever? I think the obvious choice is Duran Duran. Okay, I'm going to come clean with you. This whole post was just an attempt to be able to post lyrics of Hungry Like the Wolf. There, I said it. This is the greatest song of all time.

Burning the ground I break from the crowd
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
I smell like I sound, I’m lost and I’m found
And I’m hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it’s discord and rhyme
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I’m hungry like the wolf

Can someone take me the the East Coast?!

So I just want to know, does New Jersey smell? And if so, why does it smell so damn bad?

In another stunning revelation, after reading the Tipping Point, I found out that Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is a farce!! HE ISN'T EVEN THE MOST CONNECTED MAN IN HOLLYWOOD. Today the earth trembles.

Blogger Down

So Blogger was down last night at around 12-1am CST. I had a really good post going in my head. Blogger wouldn't let me login. That awesomeness was lost in the night of sleep. Words of brilliance that are lost forever.

In lighter news, 20 students got suspended for online threats in MySpace. How awesome.

Open Bus Seats

Word 'em up, yo
Word 'em up, yo
I just let the rap game
Out of a choke hold

So whats up with riding the bus, more particularly the campus connector and there is that one open seat and there are lots of people standing yet there is that strong social stigma from sitting? I broke down walls today when I sat when others would not. Remember me as a Rosa Parks like figure please.

Also, what is up with Rosa Parks? She fought to sit in the front. In middle school and High school when I rode the bus all the cool kids sat in the back! Or is this whole line of joking and sarcasm too soon? I meant to say, why sell a large plot of land for 28 beads. Beads kick ass.