Top 10

Is 'One Headlight' by The Wallflowers one of the top 10 songs of the 90's? I would say completely and unequivocally yes. I would compare it to a song like 'Interstate Love Song' in that it clearly holds some sort of inherent timelessness to it, yet simultaneously encapsulates a very distinct time and moment.

The song comes off the sophomore album of The Wallflowers and its worth noting the oft mentioned fact that this Jakob Dylan is the son of Bob Dylan. Besides "escaping" the legacy of his own father, but I'm not going to really beat the whole compare and contrast thing in to the ground. I'm not really a music scholar by any means but I would say that this song is a relatively clean sounding song but has a haunting organ (I think organ?) that provides a nice haunting melodious background. Semi-metaphoric lyrics top off this song with a bit of a loose story but I also have to give my props to the video. Watching the video you get no sense of ridiculous dated things going. Clothing wise the band is dressed in very modest casual wear. All in all I'd say the song has aged well and the video even more so. This is definitely one of my favorite songs period, so I'm giving the thing a pretty glowing review right now.

As far as good times to bust this out? Try throwing this one on your next ipod playlist if you're doing one of those late night car rides/night hours of a road trip where everyone has stopped talking and everyone is kind of just staring out their windows as you find yourself winding down some empty roads. On the other hand if you're into the whole "creating soundtracks for life" I think this could go along well again at night, but this time its raining and the pitter patter of the rain hitting your car creates a nice 'white noise' background. Seriously though, this is a good song.

Sims 3

You can buy this for the iPhone. They say that abusing animals and killing them in your youth and I believe into full blown adult hood is a warning sign that you might end up becoming some sort of crazy serial killer. The media has also tried to pin the playing of violent videogames with acts of violence. Games like Doom were linked to the Columbine shooting. I will respectfully disagree with those connections though. If the virtual world was the real world, I'd be the worlds more prolific killer. Hand to hand, guns, tanks, fireballs, stars that make me invincible...I've killed with the best and with the best.

I only played the original iteration of The Sims but let me give you a glimpse into my mind. Besides pimping out my bachelor pad I would invite my Sim neighbors over to the house. Its fun trying to balance work, play, and everything else but I got bored. I cheat to get unlimited money and make my house awesome. If playing god means I can create...it also means I can destroy....and by destroy I mean invite my neighbor over for a swim in my pool and then I pause the universe, remove the ladder to the pool and then watch as my neighbor is stuck in the pool and swims until he is so exhausted he drowns. I would like it if in the Sim World the Sim Police came and investigated me and then put me in Sim Jail. I would then have an entire new game called Sim Prison where basically you have to survive in a jail and avoid all the bad stuff that goes on in prisons. You could align yourself in Sim Prison with the various gangs. Latin Kings, Aryan Brotherhood, and so on. Its a game within a game, within a game.

You might be asking yourself..."Scott, are you saying that you are in fact a serial killer because of your sadistic game play style in The Sims?!" I would say of course not and laugh nervously. You would also laugh and resume eating your dinner. I would then turn and look over my shoulder staring directly into the camera ala the Thriller video and my eyes would be glowing red.

THE END would pop up...then a red question mark would slowly fade in.

I think I remember this?

On a little side note about the taco bell dog, I swear to god that there was this gordita commercial where it had the dog in Che Guevara looking beret and it was kind of a communist style commercial. There was a song that went something like "GORDITA....GORDITA, FRESH BREAD CRADLE THREE (?), THEN SANTA FE!!! LET'S GO EAT ONE NOW!!"

How terrible of a human being am I that I remember a jingle to a taco bell commercial from at least 8 years ago but I can't remember my own relatives birthdays?! Not really bad at all. Its a testament to modern marketing and the advertisement wizards that prove we really are consumer sheep waiting to be molded.

Which is awesome.

Best Live Performances

Say what you will about U2 but I think they can really bring it when it comes to live shows. From the film Rattle and Hum (which is half the time completely unintentionally hilarious a lot of the time) you get a amazing performance of the song Sunday Bloody Sunday. Bono gets a couple monologues where he goes off because of an IRA bomb that went off at a Remembrance Day parade in Northern Ireland. Bono is usually somewhat of a caricature in many peoples eyes but in this live performance it feels very honest and emotional.



My favorite part in this entire performance is how the guitar and drums are somewhat quieted and beating in the background while Bono is ranting but as soon as he is done the band basically kicks right back in and starts rocking. One other thing made obvious...wearing vests was extremely popular within the band U2 on this tour.

Get Busy Livin, Or Get Busy Eating Taco Bell's Big Box Special

If you haven't heard by now, the crowds are gathering outside his compound as we speak. The Taco Bell that captured America's Heart years ago with his winning catch phrase, "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" is dead. I for one am saddened by this legends passing. In his honor I plan to eat at least one grilled stuffed burrito....perhaps even two.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back may have just been....uhhh, broken? Probably going to become a jet setter nomad and try to move back to Minneapolis with my constant vacation spot being in California? Maybe? Not sure really. I've realized I've become what I always said I wouldn't be. The DUDE WHO IS TOTALLY IN TO AND LOOKING FORWARD TO WEEKENDS.

I get excited for no reason other than it means that I know I won't be working. I usually don't do shit on those rare days off yet when I'm at work I do that stupid little, "Man its Friday...so glad!!" NOOOOOOO!!!! Which brings up another point. I really hate it when customers come in and are all like "Man you guys sure are lucky to work inside here! It's so hot outside!" Yes you stupid moron. I sure am lucky to be inside working for about 80 percent of the time the sun is out. I'm sure glad I am not outside right now at the beach actually enjoying myself. Yes, I realize that they are probably saying this to make me feel better but the alternative to being inside all day in air conditioned places is not always hard back breaking field labor picking strawberries in 100 degree heat. It should be noted too that most of the people say this are rich house wives who clearly do not work because its 11am and they're just heading out to their yoga session while the nanny looks after the kids.

The other thing I keep hearing when I express even a remote displeasure in working to people is, "Yeah well at least you have a job!!" Which of course I respond in a very joking fashion of, "Yeah I guess you're right!" *Group Laughter HARHARHAR*

Except that is completely stupid. Just because we are in a tough economic time and jobs are hard to come by doesn't mean I can't be pissed at my own job. Now this next example is merely a hypothetical and I am in no way comparing my situation to that of those who went through terrible forced labor, but it typically can always be "WORSE." In the middle ages lets say you are a serf. This basically means you have to sow a small plot of land on your Lord's property. You do all the work on the field, plant, harvest, etc on this piece of leased land and in turn the Lord grants you the right to use this land (after he cuts his enormous cut) and you may get to keep what little is left over and he will probably protect you if a band of angry marauders strolls through town. In turn you are bound to this land and you will live your entire life very unlikely to move beyond a geographical area of more than 10 or so miles. You will work hard labor and likely die young. BUT HELL, IT COULD BE WORSE!! YOU COULD LIVE UNDER A TYRANNICAL LORD WHO IS REALLY MEAN AND DOESN'T GRANT YOU ANY LAND RIGHTS AND WHOM SELLS YOU INTO SLAVERY TO SOME RANDOM OTHER PERSON!!

My point, it can always get worse. My warning to all the single ladies in Minneapolis. Watch out because a sexually frustrated and extremely sarcastic dude may or may not be moving back to the Twin Cities in a month or two!

Where Kevin Bacon Goes, Crappier Sequels Without Him Follow

By now we all know the whole 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' thing. The concept is simple. Kevin Bacon is a god. Within six steps one should be able to link him to any other actor or actress.

Something that I have stumbled upon though is that Kevin Bacon is pretty awesome, but what happens when Kevin Bacon moves on? What is left in his massive wake? As it turns out the only thing Kevin Bacon leaves is a nuclear fallout that mutates movies. Ones he was originally in are now shittier sequels that no longer feature Bacon but instead its usually a motley crew.

EVIDENCE: Tremors

Kevin Bacon stars in this really awesome movie where a town in the middle of no where Nevada fights subterranean worm things called Graboids. Reba McEntire is in it. Needless to say this movie is pretty awesome. I should probably go in depth and provide a review but that is for another time. Shocking to say but Tremors spawned 3 sequels and a TV show all without Kevin Bacon. So far the 'Bacon Theory' holds true.

EVIDENCE PART 2: Wild Things

There will be no lies. Denise Richards gets naked in this movie. We all know that. What you might not know is that this film spawned two sequels. Wild Things 2 and Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough. Guess how many of the Wild Things 'Thrillogy' had Kevin Bacon in it? If you guessed only the first one you would be absolutely correct. On a side note, I would argue that Wild Things actually has Bill Murray in one of his better later career roles where he is legitimately funny and not trying to be very serious and somber as much of his later career has been.

EVIDENCE PART 3: Hollow Man

If you thought being invisible might be fun you'd be wrong. As it turns out turning invisible makes you super strong, super perverted, and super rapist. Kevin Bacon turns invisible and Josh Brolin and Elisabeth Shue must defeat him. I'm not making any jokes either. Turns out if you become invisible you just become a gigantic pervert. Anyways another Direct-To-Video sequel known as Hollow Man 2 would come out a few years later. You know you're going down hill when Kevin Bacon is now replaced with Christian (I Once Had A Promising Career but Some Where Along the Lines I Just Started To Suck Ass) Slater. He was cool in Heathers, I will give him that. Okay, Broken Arrow is a guilty pleasure of mine as well but anyways. Bacon once again leaves in his wake a terrible sequel sans Bacon.

EVIDENCE PART 4: Balto

According to Wikipedia, "Balto is a wolf-dog, shunned by both humans and dogs in Nome. His only friends are Boris, a Russian goose, and Muk and Luk, two polar bears. Balto and Boris live on a grounded boat outside Nome, while Muk and Luk are occasional visitors."

Balto happens to be voiced by Kevin Bacon. Balto II: Wolf Quest and Balto III: Wings of Change also star the titular title character Balto. Balto is not voiced by Kevin Bacon in the two sequels. Neither of the two sequels got a theatrical release either. Balto was released in 1995. I have nothing witty or interesting to say about Balto. Therefore I will say this, I liked The Air Up There.

EVIDENCE PART 5 (Stretching It Here): Friday the 13th

Kevin Bacon stars in the first of 232 Friday The 13th movies. He dies in this one so it really isn't fair that he isn't in the sequels but to fair, he dies in Wild Things and Hollow Man (OR DOES HE?!?) as well. That said, movies always resurrect dead people so I won't be fair. I'm making this theory and as such, I say what the rules are.

If I wanted to stretch it even further, National Lampoon's Animal House laid the groundwork for all the shitty National Lampoon's Movies that came after it. So in a way anything with that moniker without Kevin Bacon further emphasizes how Bacon moves on and shittier stuff follows.

Anomaly: Beauty Shop

Working in reverse order the film Barbershop starring Ice Cube came out in 2002. In 2004 Barbershop 2: Back in Business is released. In that film a character known as Gina played by Queen Latifah is introduced. Finally in 2005 the film Beauty Shop is released. A full fledged vehicle starring Latifah has her opening her own 'Beauty Shop'. In this film Kevin Bacon plays a flamboyant self centered hair stylist. I'm not sure if Beauty Shop is actually better than Barbershop or worse. Or maybe the same. This doesn't quite fit the Bacon theory but at the very least it proves that the Bacon theory can be somewhat flexible.

In conclusion, Kevin Bacon is really good in Apollo 13. I like that movie. I also like The Air up There.

How Would I Know Anything About a Wig?!

Kids in the Hall ...an all time great.

Josie's On A Vacation Far Away

Come Around And Talk It Over, So Many Things That I Want To Say, You Know I Like My Girls A Little Bit Older

Classic song for a classic blog post.



The actual video is not that good. So here is my reimagining that I will honestly edit up in iMovie when I go on my next road trip. You get the intro bass line cutting in. From about 0:00 seconds to 0:18 you have the camera slowly panning down the length of a long convertible. Intercut with this panning move is quick flashes of palm trees and the sun setting behind them and in one quick shot you see a plane taking off. You also get a brief shot of wind surfers.

:18 -:30 ( I Just Wanna Use Your Love Tonight ) Is me driving away down a stretch of road (preferably Miami or Los Angeles). I'm wearing reflective aviators, acid wash jeans that are tight, and a large jean fabric button down shirt with the top 3 buttons undone.

:31-:48 In that weird gray scale video style where its basically like its dropping a frame or two (stutter style slow motion) you see a flashback of me arguing with my hot 80's girlfriend. She has gigantic hair and is wearing a womans suit jacket with giant shoulder pads. She slams the door and I sit on my large white tacky leather couch which rests beneath my tiger print rug. I put my face in my hands.

:49-1:32 Now a short montage of me driving at night occurs. Time Lapse camera's capture the blurring lights of the Los Angeles West Hollywood nightlife. I'm distraught but don't know what to do. Pain in my eyes (you can tell despite the fact that I am wearing my sunglasses at night, so I can, So I can, keep track of the visions in my head) as I drive aimlessly yet there are glimpses of me looking at attractive women as I drive by. Near the 1:32 point I am now sitting at a bar alone where a lively crowd behind me is dancing and enjoying themselves.

1:33-2:40 Steadicam shot that has 'shades of Goodfellas' as I enter an almost Michael Jackson Beat It like situation in that I'm walking out of the bar (as opposed to the diner in Beat It). I stand up and look directly into the camera. I then turn around and exit the bar through the kitchen and out the back where my convertible is conviently parked. As I pull away the tires screech and I'm off in a plume of tire smoke.

2:40-3:39 It now shows my distraught girlfriend back at my badass 80's pad. She is now in full hot 80's chick mode. She is in her going out to the club wear. She is wearing an off the shoulder top in leopard print. A short lycra mini-skirt finishes this outfit. She is crying while looking through the photo album of our trip where we went skiing in Tahoe. I burst through the door and there is a moment of tension as we both stare. We realize the errors of our ways and reunite in a hug. As the music fades the picture of us hugging freeze frames and fades out and cuts back to me and my newly reunited girlfriend driving down the Pacific Coast Highway as the sun sets.

Fin.

Did you know that disco record sales were up 400% for the year ending 1976? If these trends continue....

First a bomb shell. Everyone bemoans Lindsay Lohan's weight issues and in particular people seem to latch on to the fact that she "looked better as a full figured chick in Mean Girls." I respectfully disagree. The slightly coked out thinner contemporary Lindsay Lohan is thus far my favorite iteration. I am not for the insanely thin Lohan...I'd say we're on about Lohan Model 4.0 at this point and I'd say this is my favorite one. Not too skinny and yeah real women have curves but I if we're talking about random celebrities I'm not talking real women. With that bomb shell lets move on.

Los Angeles will become what Mad Max/The Road Warrior was in about twenty years. Deep down I have a love affair with this city. It has way too many things wrong with it and is dysfunctional as hell but when the sun is setting and I'm looking out at the coast line and you get one of those insanely awesome postcard setting views I can't help but be happy. That happiness is soon clouded by the fact that this city is really terrible. Lets look past the insanity that is the traffic out here. Los Angeles + Traffic Issues is now an inherent problem. The Droughts. There is currently a water shortage. There is always water issues since it rarely rains here and when it does its not a hardcore thunderstorm but rather a light misting. You wouldn't know greater LA area is in drought mode though because they everyone is still watering their lawns (Despite Water Restrictions) and even the grassy boulevards that divide streets are green....which is really impossible considering it hasn't rained a drop where I live for at least 1 and a half months if not more.

You may have watched the movie Chinatown. Los Angeles had water issues back in the 50's. Last time I checked there are a few more people here than in 1950. The Los Angeles River is a concrete channel. This is an desert like climate. Therefore my theory of Mad Max esque living will come to fruition soon when water shortages become the standard. In place of fuel/petrol is now water. It will be awesome because I plan on stocking up and then becoming a water baron (think railroad baron of the early 20th century with less monicles and stove pipe hats and more cigar smoking and laughing at poor people).

One other interesting thing is that whenever Los Angeles is in the "future" and they want to show how shitty it is, why do they always show the Hollywood sign on fire? The sign is already a big piece of crap. The letters are now made of metal. It couldn't really catch fire. I have a beef with this. I'll admit. This was a ruse. I can only think of one movie off the top of my head with that issue and its Demolition Man. This is a good movie. Watch the intro here for obligatory burning hollywood sign.

Speaking of Fat Boys (Double Post)

Uh, again I don't like relying on easy posts of just pasting in a youtube video but I think everyone should watch this.

The Fat Boys Are Back

The Fat Boys are a group that was formed in the right time and the right place. I do find it interesting that some of their most famous raps were basically talking about how fat they were and how much they loved to eat.

In what has to be the greatest most inspired musical synergy of all time, they also provided the theme song for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4. Not only did they have Robert Englund rapping in the song as his character Freddy Krueger, but they made this kick ass video.



As I pointed out earlier The Fat Boys are of a time and era that has passed us by. Today The Fat Boys could not exist. They actually managed to walk a very bizarre fine line of a legitimate hip-hop group that was quite talented, a parody, and a full blown joke. I guess you could say people like Tone Loc was someone who followed in their footsteps. If they were around today they would either be viewed as complete jokesters and not have a shred of legitimacy in the eyes of the population at large or they would not be constantly joking about how fat they were. The era of goofy rap is largely gone though too. As we all found out the hard way fun goofy rap ended the moment MC Hammer tried to "get hard."

SEE ALSO (VIDEO): PUMPS AND A BUMP

Hammer - Pumps In A Bump
Uploaded by klmbaby. - See the latest featured music videos.

Darren Robinson aka 'Buff Love' aka 'The Human Beat Box' (who made those awesome "UGHHUHGHGUHH" noises in The Fat Boys Are Back song) died as he lived. As an obese man. He died December 10th, 1995 of a heart attack. He will be missed.

I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder...wait, that's my hand.

Get It?! A Simpson's Reference is the Title. That is how you know I'm pop culturally relevant. I could have gone for one like "Don't have a cow man" or "That's not the wallet inspector" but that might have been too easy.

Did you think this was going to be about The Simpsons and how its way better than Family Guy or God, The Devil and Bob (Check that out, another obscure reference to a short lived NBC animated who)? Well its not because there is no argument. The Simpsons is hilarious and nuanced and slapstick and everything that a good comedy show should be. Let's forget about the last 10 or so seasons though. Those last few years are the equiavlent to your Uncle who you used to think was really cool and was funny but as it turns out is actually an alcoholic and he lost his job 3 years ago so now he just works part time and its usually during the summer roofing houses.

Also this is absolutely not news for basically anyone who is remotely aware of pop culturally relevant news but Josheph Gordon-Levitt after disappearing in to the underworld of minor gigs following his stay on Third Rock From the Sun has started appearing in more and more critics darlings like Brick and The Lookout. Sure, he is in fact in what will inevitably be a terrible G.I. Joe film but thats besides the point. He is starting to show up on more magazine covers but I'd just like to point out that he is probably my new male idol. And so this stops being a wankfest in honor of one Joseph Levitt I'm going to change subjects now.

According to Google Trends, "Howie Mandel" is the 3rd most popular search term at the moment. This is absolutely mindblowing for reasons I can't really articulate. I realize that Howie Mandel is the host of the game show Deal or No Deal but why the fuck is he the third most popular search term on google. As far as career trajectory though i'd definitely say he has had a sudden turn from being pretty popular to not culturally relevant at all to now being some sort of pop culture force. Its a bit weird.

One could draw parallels to Louie Anderson's career. Both had their own animated show. Both hosted game shows (Anderson did an iteration of Family Feud). And both were black mailed by a person threatening to reveal that they were solicitied for homosexual acts! Wait no, that was only Louie Anderson.

Tell Me All Your Thoughts On God

If you immediately burst into song after reading the title of this post (You were probably thinking of the amazing band Dishwalla and their hit song 'Counting Blue Cars') or at the very least sung in your head "Cause I'm on my way to see her!" Right...they are not really amazing...but it made me think of something that I'm entirely positive happens to everyone out there. In fact I might have even written about this before.

I'm talking about the phenomenon that I call "False Nostalgia." The song 'Counting Blue Cars' elicits certain emotions and a vague stirrings in that gray matter I call a brain. The problem is, I graduated high school in 2004. To be quite honest I don't think that when I was 10 years old when this song was becoming increasingly popular anything was going on in my life that could be considered mind shattering. 10 years old...too young for a first love or some bizarre emotional scarring moment to occur. Yet taking all this into consideration, I still feel comfortable identifying this song as one of the many songs of my youth that immediately at least for a second put me into this weird warped nostalgia trip. Its not like I was driving my first love in a car to make out point with this song playing. But secretly do I wish this happened? Probably.

Of course music is truly the soundtrack of life. We all have songs that we heard on a road trip, or when a relative died, or in some way are to you the individual very significant for some reason. I guess I'm just repeating myself at this point but I am definitely constantly creating a lot of false narratives in my mind when certain songs come on the radio/ipod. An argument could be made that I always wanted to be a director so coming up with fun little music video concepts in my mind was something I'd do when listening to a random song on my bike ride to work or school.

With that in mind, one song I definitely create some bizarre false narrative nostalgia to is 'Brand New Colony' by The Postal Service. This song is definitely a "Fall Song" for me. Leaves better be on the ground and bright orange. Once you hit the 2:30 mark in the song I'd say that I would have this weird montage speed through of the season changing from Fall to Winter. As the song ends you'd have snow piling up with a closing shot of either a person by themselves or a couple walking in the distance in falling snow. Now this is always what i've thought about when I hear the end of the song. I've certainly been single. I've certainly been in snow, but never walked on some street with a perfect sheet of snow hand in hand with my girl as the song Brand New Colony fades out in the background. What does this all mean?

I think I need to sleep.

My Love of Australia Has Dropped

Happy 4th of July. Rock and Roll, God Bless America.